When I'm sitting on the toilet, I try to make piss and crap come out at the same time.

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You think someone is reading your mind and hurriedly change what your thinking to something normal

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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When I walking the same direction as other people, I secretly race them and do the sports commentry in my head

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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Turn the door knob while closing the door ...so it doesn't make a loud noise.

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

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Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

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Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

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When im home alone, i watch porn with the volume turned up really loud.

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Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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I say a word and it feels like it didnt roll off of my tongue right, so I keep mouthing the word and saying it quietly to myself or in my head. Then end up saying it loudly in affirmation, possibly more than once.

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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When I'm walking I look up at nothing in particular and it causes everyone else to look up too!

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I love the tingly feeling you get when youve shifted after realizing you arm, leg, hand, etc. has gone numb. am i the only one?

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

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Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.