When I Download A Song Or Movie And The Download Speed Slows Down I Think The FBI Is Tracking Me.

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Do a little half laugh, then when someone looks at you, you realise that it wasn't even funny so you pretend to be clearing your throat.

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Leave the fan on at night just in case you feel to warm.

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When I am bored and home alone, I sometimes try to recreate the most annoying sound in the world from Dumb and Dumber. (P.S. Sorry if this was already submitted, I didn't see it.)

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I hit the frig after sex

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I love touching, squeezing and occasionally biting my dog's (read: any dog's) muzzle. I love the texture and the gummy-ness. I also love how pissed he gets when I do it and sneezes after.

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When you Saigon the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

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I have dreams that I am really rich and wake up to be thankful for my life just the way it is

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When I'm in the car I imagine I'm Superman flying along next to the car, whipping under, over and around traffic signs, trees, and fences. Sometimes I then fly up above the traffic a little. Then I get worried I will cause a traffic accident because people will be watching me instead of the road. I've done this since I was a kid. I'm 45 now and I still do it! Sometimes I'm Spider-Man, swing and jumping from truck to truck, car to car to keep moving fast along the highway. And lately, sometimes I do the Superman flying thing, but as Iron Man.

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Listening to a song, thinking about having the life of the singer in the band

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My login password is INCORRECT so if I forget it my computer will say "your password is incorrect"

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cussing someone out on a video game only to realize that your mic is off

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I like to watch people and imagine different stories that could explain why they're doing whatever it is that their doing.

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Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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You always go to the corner of the shower when the cold water is running.

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Try to think of something nice then thinks of then scariest things.

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put wood glue on my hand, blow it dry and peel it off to make fake skin

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Sleep in your jeans because you think it feels comfortable in the morning.

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if your listening to music, move the volume up and down to experience the bass a lil better

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When I'm laying in bed in the dark and I close my eyes for a while then when I open them again I quickly scan for a light source just to make sure I can still see.

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I don't use my car air conditioning because I think it's wasteful and it might "run-out" when I'm REALLY, REALLY hot.

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I thought the 2013 film Frozen could have gone longer

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When i get a back shiver. That's when i know something bad going to happen.

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like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.