If I'm walking with or behind someone I always match their footsteps

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turn off the tv by accident and then turn it on only to find that it takes forever to work again

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I often try to visualise and merge my faces with various girls i could potentially fall for, just to assess how our future children would look like.

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When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

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You think someone is reading your mind and hurriedly change what your thinking to something normal

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I throw a piece of paper in the toilet and try to "sink it" either with my "super stream wave" and if it does not work, I unleash my secret (but not always available weapon) "dept charge bombs".

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I think Frozen is an overrated film

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I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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Thinking about life as if its just a dream and wondeing if one day your just going to wake up and be like " wtf just happend".....

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake

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Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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You feel like someone can read your mind so you try not to think about stupid stuff.

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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I have memorized my drivers license registration number

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Take pieces of loose hair and keep it in a plastic bag in my wallet so if I ever get killed and my ID stolen, my body can still be identified.

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Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.