I wonder if elections are rigged?

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Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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Accidentally scratching a surface and then scratching it again with the tops of your fingernails to even it out.

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I hold my breath in elevators

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I probably am the only one who does this but I climb on my cat's cat tree to see what it's like to be a cat o.o

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When home alone and you hear a noise getting out a gun/weapon.

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Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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Walking around on the streets wondering if you are really walking in place, and the earth is spinning according to how you walk, like a treadmill.

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When a passneger in the car, I sing songs in my head and hope the song is in time with the signs and streetlights as I drive past them.

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Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

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Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

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Sometimes I reflect on my life and just feel humiliated.

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I make sims of everyone I know and make them have kids together.

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I talk to inanimate objects daily.

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fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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Thinking something embarrassing, then having to talk to someone and suddenly getting worried you are about to blurt out your thoughts

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That feeling you get where you slip on something but you save yourself just in time and your just like "holy crap, i almost cracked my head and died," then two minutes later your legs are still shaking

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Taking the time to lick all of the cream off of the inside of an Oreo.

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i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

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i talk to myself in the mirror just to see how i look when im talking to somebody else, i even practice faces and my laugh (i should get a life)

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in a grocery store, only walking on the colored single tiles the entire time your in there pretending there small cliffs without touching the white one otherwise you fall and fail.

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The power to put a pointless super power on thingsyouthinkonlyyoudo.com

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While talking on the phone you can't think of anything to say then it gets awkwardly quiet

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.