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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.
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-49
Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.
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-51
Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.
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-51
Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.
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-51
Hate when I can't sleep and the sun starts to come up and I hear birds chirping and i get worried and just realize that I should be happy that it's a new day and to relax.
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-55
When listening to a song with headphones or on the radio i sing the harmonies or make them while they sing the lead
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-57
Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate
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-59
Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.
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-59
Love feet. like LOVE feet.
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-61
HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*
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-61
Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day
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-63
HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!
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-63
try to give your friends spirit animals
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-65
after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half
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-65
Whenever Terminator 2 is on tv, I become enthralled and can't stop watching even though I've seen it a million times.
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-75
Wait until my friends are done eating lunch so I don't have to dump my tray alone.
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-85
scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good
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-87
I thought I was disgusting until I read the top voted things here. Floral: Actually pretty neat.
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-99
laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.
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-107
I have a phobia of incest
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-121
Sometimes when someone says something to me, I will hear them perfectly clear, but I will instinctively say "what?"
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-131
Make fun of someone for something. Then realize you do the same thing
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+38
When reading some of the weirder things here, I somewhat worry some of these things people do might start happening to me just because I read about them.
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+32
Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.
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+32
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Things You Think Only You Do
A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.