When I wake up after having a good dream I try to remember it but I don't

thumb_up thumb_down -24

When I look at a clear blue sky, I'm convinced that I see little tiny floaty things, and think that I'm seeing air molecules.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Sometime when I'm alone, I like to fill my bathtub with marinara sauce and pretend I'm a meatball.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Everytime my sibling starts a sentance with "I remember when","I have an idea"etc.,I get up and walk out.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Walking around on the streets wondering if you are really walking in place, and the earth is spinning according to how you walk, like a treadmill.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

The volume level on my TV has to be either an even number or a multiple of five.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

When a passneger in the car, I sing songs in my head and hope the song is in time with the signs and streetlights as I drive past them.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

When in a public toilet, I never leave the cubicle until everyone is either out of the room or in their own cubicle.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Whenever on a car ride, pretend you are in a military convoy and shoot at pursuing helicopters and soldiers.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

I flush the toilet if the water's green and I'm going to have a poo, so it doesn't splash me.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

thumb_up thumb_down -32

the power to regenerate your appendix

thumb_up thumb_down -32

For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

thumb_up thumb_down -36

When I'm walking and I step on a crack with my left food, the next time I step on a crack it has to be my right foot and vise versa. I can't step on a crack twice in a row with the same foot. But I don't have to step on every crack.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Sit on the back of the commode when at work to give yourself an impromptu break.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Try to figure out if some of the posts were written by the same person.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

only read the short jokes on this website

thumb_up thumb_down -38

I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

thumb_up thumb_down -38

i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Smoking in the shower.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Blow into the shower head when I'm taking a shower to make what sounds like jet noises

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.