fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

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I flush the toilet if the water's green and I'm going to have a poo, so it doesn't splash me.

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Eat the last bowl of ice cream. Then 6 hours later, you wish you hadn't. (sometimes even open the fridge and check whether you actually ate it or not)

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Tell myself that I'm only going for a 20 minute nap and end up sleeping for 1/+ hour(s)...

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I make sims of everyone I know and make them have kids together.

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I always ask myself "Why am I me?". But have never come up with a good answer.

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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see a old couple in the street and think," i wonder if he still bangs her" lol

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doesn't eat meal until desired tv show starts.

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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test how many stares you can scale in one step

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

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try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

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Whenever I accidentally drop a glass or cup it always bounces the first time but breaks the second

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Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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When you are thinking, and you think about what you are thinking. You are automatically purposely thinking until you stop thinking about it. I am thinking about thinking about how I think right now. I think...

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

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When listening to a song with headphones or on the radio i sing the harmonies or make them while they sing the lead

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.