get home from work and masturbate instantly

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Check an insane amount of times to see if the door is locked, then finally get back to jerking off.

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Sitting next to a banana called James

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sometime i poop in my hand, then put it in the toilet so it makes less noise and the water doesn't splash up my butt.

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I have had a dream where my teeth fall out.

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try as hard as possible to not use the last of the toilet paper so you don't have to change the roll and inadvertently force someone else to do it.

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ur parents never pay attention to u but when they do they r yelling at u

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every single time a sad song comes on your ipod you imagine yourself in a movie, gloomily looking out a window or sitting alone on a bench.

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I yawn on command… and hate it. –Ikka

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Totally piss myself off by thinking of future confrontations that probably won't happen.

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When I'm fighting with someone and I've ran out of good points, I just start making random noises.

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When you Sitting on the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

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Being afraid to up-vote the embarrassing posts on this page for fear that it might somehow post onto my Facebook.

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When you get in trouble, think of what you could have said or done so you could've gotten away with it.

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I bought a ps4 and really regret it.

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I rearrange books, movies, etc. in the correct alphabetical order in the fiction section of my public library, other people's houses, classrooms at school, etc. Sometimes this process takes a very long time.

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Read weird posts like this one on the HorseHead Network.

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If I drop a piece of candy on the floor, I have to drop another piece so it won,t be lonely

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i noticed that a lot of people pronounce "LOL" like roll. Am i the only one that reads it as L. O. L. (el oh el) ????

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My brother (who is 2 years younger) and I have our own language, consisting of movie quotes and silly stuff we made up when we were little. We speak it with abandon when we're alone, and try as hard as we can to suppress it when we're with a friend. But sometimes some of it slips out, and the friend looks at us like he's the guy who isn't in on the joke; I always get the feeling he or she thinks the two of us are crazy. By the way, if you're the third person in company with two close siblings who are speaking their own secret language, don't ask them to explain or look at them like they're crazy. They're not nuts, and you won't understand, even if they try to explain. Just let it pass.

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Daydream about doing unspeakable things(killing, raping, beating, cutting, shooting, ect.) to the person you hate

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slow down in front of automatic doors thinking they won't open and then rushing through when they do so you don't look stupid

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> minecraftcodes.info <

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Drop something down the side of the couch, say that you'll get it in a minute and then forget about it

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.