I sit on the toilet and pretend to tell someone about how awesome my life is when it isn't.

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I want to trade bodies and thought processes with my crush, so we could understand each other better.

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When out I like to "people watch."

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pluck dried pieces of poop in your butt hair

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When something says "I have read and agree to the terms of service" I quickly skim through it nd act like I read it.

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Meet a really cool girl imagine the rest of my life with her.

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I eat ass

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always check thde back seat before starting the car

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Buy tons of movies and only watch them once. Rarely buy books and reread them a million times.

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When I'm home alone at night, and the lights are on so you can't see anything out the windows, I will stop randomly and stare out the window to make anyone watching me think I know that they are there.

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pretend celebrities are watching you then getting really freaked out.

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I'm so used to pooping with my phone that everytime I forget it I take less than 5 minutes, versus the usual 26.

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Start thinking about how your walking, and then worry that you may lose control of your legs and fall.

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Talk to my cat.

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I pick at my cuticles when I'm bored.

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Telling yourself that starting tomorrow you will start to exercise and eat better, but never doing it.

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Go to the kitchen to eat, forget what I'm doing, go back to whatever I was doing, and realizing that I'm hungry.

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Drink a huge amount of water only for the pleasure of having your stomach filled with it.

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When I see someone who is clearly wealthy, I think to myself "I could do it better than you..."

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Constantly look at all clocks when the minute hand/digit reads '11'

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think that the whole world is a dollhouse and we are being controlled by giant people above who live in a whole differnt world

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when home alone, I sing a song like im performing it in front of a crowd of a thousand people and any object nearby usually becomes my microphone

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Sometimes I look at people and think, "They poop."

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When I'm reading a book and I come to a word that is long or difficult to pronounce every time I come to that word again I pronounce it 'manamanam'.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.