I sit on the toilet and pretend to tell someone about how awesome my life is when it isn't.

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Spell Checktells me I spelt something wrong even though I am certain it's right.

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I'm starting to ignore Hollywood, the news and experts opinions more and more.

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Wonder what would happen if you started screaming and defecating in public.

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Watch the same movies over and over

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Feel all cool and look suspiciously at everybody else while leaving the theater after a good dramatic movie.

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fist myself to the point of unconsciousness whilst masturbating to the speeches of Hitler

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repeat what you just said 2 seconds ago in a group conversation thinking no one heard you

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Singing alone in the car and then stopping, scared that there is an audio recorder in the car recording you singing.

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When I check into a hotel room I think about the countless number of sex acts that has been performed in there.

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When your best friend has a certain make/model/color car, you start seeing it everywhere you go.

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I am sure that no one else has the same mental slowness as me and my brother. When I say mauve he says maeve and we continue like this for hours. It is certainly an exciting way of eating up those motorway miles:)

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I count how many steps it takes to cross a section of sidewalk, and will continue taking the same amount of steps until I realize it.

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when I have an itch on my hand I scratch it with my stubble

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Whenever I'm scared at night in my room I turn on music. Because the music will keep away people trying to get me. Obviously.

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Listen to the same songs for years on end without ever knowing the lyrics because they've been the soundtracks for your daydreams.

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I like wet humping better than f*cking. but sometimes it slips in anyway, and it's that's pretty enjoyable too. and mt girlfriend is cool with. ... so it's actualy pretty whatevs either way. but wet humping is my jam.

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wonder who wrote these things

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chew on the side of my teeth

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Sometimes when I'm all alone, I like to rub vasceline on myself and pretend I'm a slug.

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speak proper english

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When I'm watching something or playing something and the character goes underwater, I hold my breath until the character reaches the surface. This is weird as hell, does anyone else do this?

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Learn how to say "I love you" in a different language, just to say it to the person you like and observe their dumbfounded expressions.

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At restaurants, eat my food in sections. Usually leafy greens, french fries, then steak/ whatever meat.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.