Sometimes I think ''Someone somewhere in the world just got slapped'' or ''Someone just took a nasty shit''.

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only turning the TV volume to numbers ending in 5

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fist myself to the point of unconsciousness whilst masturbating to the speeches of Hitler

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Whenever I fart, I always smell it. But when other people fart, I don't want to smell it.

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Mix up "I'm starving," "I'm freezing," and "I have to pee," in my head, and then say them out loud the wrong way, in times of extreme starving/freezing/needing-to-pee desperation.

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Sometimes when I'm all alone, I like to rub vasceline on myself and pretend I'm a slug.

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Call the ninja turtles by their full names.

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I never read the terms and conditions but I say I have

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wonder if anyone is on at 12 A.M. log on to a social network and realize that theres a lot of people on

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I can't help but wonder why people write things on web sites and don't bother checking their spelling. Now they look like an idiot no matter how funny or interesting it might have been.

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Feeling guilty for something you haven't done.

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Wipe drink can with shirt after someone (mainly father) has had a sip.

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If I turn in a circle I have to turn the other way to balance it out and feel even!

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When I see someone who is clearly wealthy, I think to myself "I could do it better than you..."

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On YouTube , I try to find the clearest music

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I hate other people's mirrors, they make me look different

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On Youtube, while reading comments notice that many people reply angrily to the same person. Wonder what they said that pissed so many people off. Try to find them in earlier posts, but fail. Live the rest of the night in depressive state.

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Reading these, realizing that you don't do some of the things on the top of the list, and wondering if you're weird.

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I enjoy my company, I love myself, which is contagious, people around me enjoy my company, and love themselves. Moral: Thumb me down and prove you are a sad fuck TODAY!

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Having sudden realizations that you are a person who exists.

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Smoking a cigarette on the toilet and then accidentally ashing directly into your panties. Everytime.

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Look at just about ANYTHING you see in the context of a zombie apocalypse. Example: strategizing escape routes and barricade points while you're walking down the hallway in school, or looking at something ordinary, like a baseball bat, and thinking, 'I could bash some zombie brains with that'

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Love the Twilight books, HATE the movies.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.