When I'm in the shower I condition my pubes so they get nice and soft.

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sometimes when i fart i feel like i pooped a little in my underwear but tell myself ''no i didn't'' but feel poopy until i check.

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When realizing i'm being a little bitchy, I laugh and smile right after my sentence to make myself seem a little nicer.

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Dance in the car just so the person you like will see you and be like "Aw, cute" but then they don't even see you so you stop...

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When I'm running a bath I sometimes sit and look at myself in the mirror and act out conversations with people I've never talked to or celebrities, and when I say something that sounds good I'll repeat it over and over again until I nail huge emotions on my face.

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think that your whole life is just a dream and that you're going to wake up someday

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sneeze without closing my eyes

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when making thing only you think you do you never read the terms of service

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Remember some homework I have to do... On the day that it's due.

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Put toilet paper in the toilet before I'm going to take a shit, so that the toilet won't get dirty.

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Saying an awkward word enough times so that it doesn't sound like a real word anymore

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I like to eat the crust on pizzas

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Use é instead of e to spell Pokémon

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read some comments here and wonder if people really do that

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When I'm in the shower, I'm afraid something might try to kill me so I shower with my glasses on.

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Sometimes when walking, accidently fart and then try to squeak my to sound like my shoes squeaked instead of me farting.

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I like wet humping better than f*cking. but sometimes it slips in anyway, and it's that's pretty enjoyable too. and mt girlfriend is cool with. ... so it's actualy pretty whatevs either way. but wet humping is my jam.

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strt thinking about something spinning, then cant stop no matter how hard you try.

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Try to talk to my pet telepathically. - sky

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Sometimes I think about what I would do if I accidentally killed someone. I don't want to kill anyone, but if I did it accidentally. Would I call an ambulance, hide the body, confess to police, destroy evidence, etc?

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I violate and then kill people, all ages and kinds... ..:But everyone does that right? I mean... Lol, I just type that because I am insecure now, and I kill when I am insecure... ...Excuse me.

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When I notice that I have just breathed in/out, for the next minute or so I feel like I have to make a conscious effort to keep breathing.

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When I make croissants from the Pillsbury can, I'll take one of the little triangles and eat it, because I like the consistency of dough, and i like the fizzy feeling of the yeast on my tongue.

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because fuck the NSA.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.