Pour the cheap shampoo I can only afford these days into the empty expensive bottle to trick myself I'm still using the good stuff.

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when home alone, I sing a song like im performing it in front of a crowd of a thousand people and any object nearby usually becomes my microphone

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Take nibbles whenever you get to the last piece of your burger to make it last longer.

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being super bored at shool

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Massive hang-over. Say out loud and promise I will never drink like that again. Next time drink atleast as much as the last time.

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Meet a really cool girl imagine the rest of my life with her.

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whenever i'm talking about someone, i constantly check my phone to make sure i haven't butt-dialed them and they're listening to everything i'm saying about them!

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Say ow when I bang something I'm caring into something, even though I didn't get hurt at all. -B

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Videotape my mother in the shower.

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Moisturize "down there" after a really drying wipe session.

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Thinking your life is a movie...

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try not to step on cracks on the sidewalk

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When I go to the shops I like to park my car next to a specific coloured car so I can find it afterwards.

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Trying to preform oral on yourself.... And failing.

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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oh snap, i got a boner. hope nobody notices

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When going to the bathroom, lock it and when trying to unlock and don't succeed immediately... ITS A TRAP! I'M LOCKED IN MY OWN BATHROOM!!

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when being in the bathroom at night, avoid looking in the mirror

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If I'm walking across a road and a car stops to allow me to pass, I say 'Thank you' even though I know full well they cannot hear me.

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In elementary school whenever it was supposed to be mental math I never did it mentally.

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have fake conversations that might happen in the future...so ur prepared

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I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

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If some makes you mad you do things alot better than you would if you were not mad

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When I go to bed, I imagine how I would deal with intruders, then I can't sleep.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.