having cool friends, but all their other friends are nerds.

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Check the toilet paper after every wipe.

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When watching television, I give people I don't like the finger

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I want to trade bodies and thought processes with my crush, so we could understand each other better.

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I enjoy my company, I love myself, which is contagious, people around me enjoy my company, and love themselves. Moral: Thumb me down and prove you are a sad fuck TODAY!

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Try to see nipples through body paint.

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When you're having a discussion or an argument with someone and you are about to say something important then you completely forget what you were going to say.

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I read these not only for fun, but to feel in touch with my humanity.

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Look at just about ANYTHING you see in the context of a zombie apocalypse. Example: strategizing escape routes and barricade points while you're walking down the hallway in school, or looking at something ordinary, like a baseball bat, and thinking, 'I could bash some zombie brains with that'

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Saying an awkward word enough times so that it doesn't sound like a real word anymore

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Here's a fun game I play if I wake up in the middle of the night: I look over at the alarm clock and see what numbers are displayed. Then I shut my eyes tightly and wait a few seconds before opening them again. If I open my eyes and see that the numbers on the alarm clock have changed, I win. If I open my eyes and they didn't, I lose.

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I masturbate with sandpaper

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Trying not to fart when laughing is challenging.

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Have a dream that you can breath under water and wake up and be very disappointed

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Whenever I get in the shower, no matter what, I always have to pee.

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Coughing really loud to cover up the sound of your fart, then shitting your pants.

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I like to food shop between midnight and 5 am

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Stepping on a LEGO block and instantly screaming and leap onto the bed.

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I'm not a pessimist I'm a realist.

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Call the ninja turtles by their full names.

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Trying to preform oral on yourself.... And failing.

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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When you say bye to someone and keep walking in the same direction, and then its really awkward...

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When I am talking about someone, I check my phone to make sure it hasn't dialed them and to make sure they aren't listening.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.