oh snap, i got a boner. hope nobody notices

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taking a shit while brushing my teeth.

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I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

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I think of doing something productive, but can't work up the motivation and end up on the internet instead.

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when being in the bathroom at night, avoid looking in the mirror

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Become self-conscious and wonder if you were making faces while day dreaming during the middle of class.

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Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

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It takes half as long to take a dump if I forget my phone.

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When i was a kid. I really dont care about the story of any animated film. As long as im watching it.

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touching something (like a crack in a wall) and then thinking to yourself that your the only person thats ever touched it..

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I lay in bed at night with my eyes closed but not asleep,and my mind will tell me that thier is someone standing by my bed,i will think and say to myself,im not looking because thats ridiculous. Then after a 30 seconds pause,have a quick peep.

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When you have a stuffy nose, and you put tissue in one nostril so you can breathe.

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i fap in the bathroom because its the only room i have a reason to lock the door in.

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feed a gecko worms every day, not the good worms though...

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I peel tiny strings off of cheese sticks because it's more fun and tastes better.

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going to bed at 10:30 pm realize i have to check Facebook go to YouTube randomly watch 2 hours of nothing, then find my self pulling an all nighter cause its 4 am and i got school.

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When I'm alone I occasionally like to give a little hump to the air. Not for sexual reasons or anything, just because it feels right.

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Make a little song with tiny breaths out of your nose

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When I take a shower, I screw with my iPod for a half an hour "Waiting for the water to warm up".

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when a sex scene comes on the tv i try make up an excuse to go somewhere like i need a drink or a pee.

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setting your alarm early so that when you wake up you see you still have time to sleep and you're like YES!!!

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While trying to sleep I obsess over the little red LED on the TV set which I can't even see unless I lift my head from the pillow.

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Wave my hand at automatic doors just as they open pretending that I have Jedi powers

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I sleep in my underpants every single night

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.