Brake for tail-gaters

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Every time I walk up the stairs in my own house, I feel compelled to do it on all fours.

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See a news article that looks interesting, too lazy to read the whole thing. Skim.

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Whenever I fall over I always seem to think coherently throughout the fall about what can I do to make this less painful

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speak proper english

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if something stands for something, i come up with my own version of it.

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Hatch an escape plan as soon as my date starts to complain about anything.

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Stare blankly at your desktop when someone walks in the room so they won't know that you were watching porn lol

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When your to lazy try to use the force to pick things up

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do math problems in my head while having sex to keep from coming

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when i piss in the toilet, i flush half way through and race the toilet to the finish.

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Feel like puhing the crap out of people who talk loud in public places.

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Create the perfect song/poem/philosophical theory/scientific discovery right before you fall asleep and forget it in the morning.

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Whenever I have to carry a heavy box with both hands a long distance, my nose decides it's going to itchy.

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Feel uncomfortable with the TV volume on an odd number

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i would air drum even if theres no music playing

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Surfing nsfw subreddit at work

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There's this reassuring voice in my head. She's almost like a mother, telling me that it'll be alright and that I have things to do.

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When I wipe after taking a poo I always get excited when there is no extra poo to be wiped off...yea...don't judge

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Wherever I drink something, I count how many times I swallow it, and I feel weird if it's not a multiple of 5. I will get more of the drink and drink it, even if I'm not thirsty, just to make my life seem a little more complete...PLEASE tell me I'm not the only one?

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Get to lazy to stand up in the shower so I sit down in the shower

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when making thing only you think you do you never read the terms of service

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I put a small amount of water in glasses and freeze them for hot days when I want a cool drink

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When i close the refrigiator door, i re-open it and give it a good shove to make sure it tight.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.