When im standing at a urinal and another guy was there before me and i still finish first i pretend like im still peeing so he wont think i have a bladder problem.

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Look at just about ANYTHING you see in the context of a zombie apocalypse. Example: strategizing escape routes and barricade points while you're walking down the hallway in school, or looking at something ordinary, like a baseball bat, and thinking, 'I could bash some zombie brains with that'

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Say 'she's not here' when someone that I don't know calls and asks for me.

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when you get a runny nose suddenly checks for blood oh good its clear

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If I see the same model of vehicle as mine in a parking lot, I get overly excited if I manage to get a parking spot next to it. Extra points for same color or type (i.e. quad cab vs regular cab).

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Pretend my life is a videogame.

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It's hot but I still have on covers

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Check the lint filter on the dryer every time I walk into the laundry room.

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I hump my bed at night and pretend it's a hot model

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After a meal if I need to use a toothpick I would eat the piece of food I "picked".

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Pronounce hors d'oeuvres 'whores-dev-ers' thinking I'm so witty.

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I rub the ends of my hair because it feels awesome.

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make mini paper airoplanes in boring lessons and pretend you are flying them

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sing like a pro in da shower

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When out I like to "people watch."

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Hit the off button on the microwave three times to simulate the sound it makes when time is up.

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Get really annoyed when something interrupts your yawn... then try and force yourself to complete the yawn

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trip over nothing. break into spontaneous dancing.

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When I'm in the shower, I talk to myself, usually about my plans for video game procedures.

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Drink half the water in a water bottle and then swish it around pretending to drown little people inside it.

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Take advantage of loud traffic to fart really hard.

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Normally I can do a specific task no problem but when someone is watching and I know that they are watching I screw up.

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When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

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I don't like Winter. Because I'm scared that when we use the heater, our house will catch on fire.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.