Whenever I have to carry a heavy box with both hands a long distance, my nose decides it's going to itchy.

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Pee in the shower

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When I'm walking in the street and I hear a car coming from behind I try to beat it by running to the closest telephonepole.

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I like to watch online videos of people and pause the video mid sentence to see the faces they make frozen mid speech

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When in a public bathroom and others are in there, pretend to fix your clothes/hair until everyone has left before you use it.

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When I dry my hair after showering I put a towel on my head and look at the mirror pretending I am a mighty naked sheik.

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get really paranoid when you're in a shop's changing room and try and make sure the curtain is fully closed so nobody can see in

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check for spiders under the toilet seat before taking a dump

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Swirling your hair through your hair while something is loading.

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A lot of times I'll make up reasons for why different things happen even though I really have absolutely no idea.

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I sit sideways on the toilet because my bony butt fits better that way.

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Every time i find an insect in my basement i grab it put it in the toilet and pee on it victoriously while its being flushed down. But Im a nice guy, and i worry about this evil hatred i have towards insects.

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It's hot but I still have on covers

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This song will not come out of my head!

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If I have to put the garbage out at night I sprint back into the house so the monsters don't get me

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When I walk past a homeless person asking for change, I avoid looking them in the eye and walk faster.

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Sometimes cringe at the sound when other people scratch themselves

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Make jokes about yourself on the period: "dear god, this is the 5th day I`m bleeding and I`m sill not dead. What kind of monster am I?" ...not funny... :)

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I used to be the third most useless invention in the world, and now I am so sad, I mean I lost to a square wheel! Moral: On the bright side, ill never be as useless as Rustin Beaver.

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when i piss in the toilet, i flush half way through and race the toilet to the finish.

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When you say bye to someone and keep walking in the same direction, and then its really awkward...

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Start thinking about my blinking and feel that I am blinking weird

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think that the NSA is always watching what you do online at any time you are even connected.

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Feel like puhing the crap out of people who talk loud in public places.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.