I think about fat women while poking my skinny girlfriend

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I can read people's life's and figure out the truth about them with out them telling me how their life is

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I use my mobile as a torch and keep hitting random buttons to keep it alight.

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I have a feeling that life is a Video Game for another Universe. When the player looks at their computer screen, they see what I see. They control everything I do. Like The Sims games. Everyone else is either other players in a multiplayer server, or they are are all fake, computer players.

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sometimes when i fart i feel like i pooped a little in my underwear but tell myself ''no i didn't'' but feel poopy until i check.

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The girl I like has just managed to transfer her consciousness into my mind, now being to hear my every thought and see everything I do. Just. Act. Cool.

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think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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Raising your hand in class, and once you're called on, you say, "I forgot."

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When I take a shower, I screw with my iPod for a half an hour "Waiting for the water to warm up".

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Feel uncomfortable with the TV volume on an odd number

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Sometimes when I'm watching a sitcom, I get distracted from the jokes because the characters are in a bedroom and I start focusing on the awesome stuff they have.

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Trying on other people's clothes at the gym/laundromat when they ain't looking!! (^_^)

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If I have a top comment and I see someone else does, I upvote both of ours; friendly competition.

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Pass wind after i ate lasagna.

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I hump my bed at night and pretend it's a hot model

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When I'm laying in bed and I feel my heartbeat, I turn around so I can't feel it because it makes me feel sick.

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Pretend my life is a videogame.

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I rub the ends of my hair because it feels awesome.

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Smile like an idiot while reading this site.

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Hit the off button on the microwave three times to simulate the sound it makes when time is up.

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Sometimes I would just be thinking to myself and then think of something funny and laugh but I don't share it with anyone else makes me look insane.

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I HATE minecraft gift codes and the morons who post about them. I wish those morons would get off my planet.

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daydream/pretend i'm in a story. pretend to be a new person in a movie where all the cool main characters are my friends, add to the movie with my own story and add twists and make it my own.

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when looking at a reflection of myself, i try to do it as fast as i can before the reflection does something i didnt

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.