Hoping if I fall asleep on the couch while my family is in the room I dont have a dream about sex and wake up moaning and groaning...

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Sometimes I would just be thinking to myself and then think of something funny and laugh but I don't share it with anyone else makes me look insane.

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Make jokes about yourself on the period: "dear god, this is the 5th day I`m bleeding and I`m sill not dead. What kind of monster am I?" ...not funny... :)

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Judge a stranger in your mind (God, they're ugly/fat etc.) then wonder if they heard you thinking it.

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Normally I can do a specific task no problem but when someone is watching and I know that they are watching I screw up.

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I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

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I think of doing something productive, but can't work up the motivation and end up on the internet instead.

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skipping back to the start of the guitar solo over and over so I can pretend I'm playing it

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realize that no one is listening to me talk so I say something completely random to try and get there attention

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creating your own personal perfect partner in romance or frendship, almost like a imaginary friend (but you don't speak to them out loud)

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When you lie in bed and imagine scenarios that will never happen.

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When receiving instructions from people one on one, whether it's a man or a woman, I wonder what they would do if I kissed them while they are talking.

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Wave my hand at automatic doors just as they open pretending that I have Jedi powers

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I get more creeped out the more I read the comments here, especially as the comments start getting really low thumbs ups.

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I always thought Diane Ross sang '76 why don't ya babe, get out my life why don't ya babe'.

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sometimes when i fart i feel like i pooped a little in my underwear but tell myself ''no i didn't'' but feel poopy until i check.

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When there are multiple puddles on the sidewalk you try and jump in every single one of them

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I enjoy my company, I love myself, which is contagious, people around me enjoy my company, and love themselves. Moral: Thumb me down and prove you are a sad fuck TODAY!

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Whenever I watch TV, the volume has to be on multiples of 5. Even if the perfect volume is in between.

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Get turned on when you see a girl yawn

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I brush my teeth while im in the shower

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

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I'm ridiculously turned on by the scent nail polish.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.