when riding home on my bike with music on pretenend im in a race with no1 and commentate on iend get really exccited on the last straight especielly when a rocky soundtrack song comes on

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Lay down in bed and close my eyes and pretend that the bed is slowly levitating towards the ceiling. When I open my eyes, the bed is back on the ground.

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I hate when people say for example,if something is $3.99 they say its four dollars.

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Take advantage of loud traffic to fart really hard.

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When serving grilled steak, I always make sure I get the best one.

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I used to be the third most useless invention in the world, and now I am so sad, I mean I lost to a square wheel! Moral: On the bright side, ill never be as useless as Rustin Beaver.

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~When you turn around, somebody is already looking at you; something is probably on your face. (I know they look at you because you would look at anybody turning around, but I just hate it)

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Sick the top of you fingers in your pants when you are doing something that requires one hand, like watching t.v

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i always think people can hear my thoughts.

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Consume skin around finger nails. Cuticle too.

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I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

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Always run up the stairs as if someone was chasing you.

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Sometimes I try to solve a math problem using my finger and my thigh, and when I make a mistake a erase it with my hand.

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I don't leave the toilet in a public restroom until the other person leaves, so I don't have to make awkward eye contact.

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Feel like puhing the crap out of people who talk loud in public places.

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I meow when my cat meows.

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Wash my hands after i use the toilet.

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I always have to know exactly what time it is before I go to sleep, just so I can figure out exactly how many hours of sleep I will get.

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I wear my boxers so I can poop through the pee hole

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I have a feeling that life is a Video Game for another Universe. When the player looks at their computer screen, they see what I see. They control everything I do. Like The Sims games. Everyone else is either other players in a multiplayer server, or they are are all fake, computer players.

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I can read people's life's and figure out the truth about them with out them telling me how their life is

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When I’ve got something cooking in the microwave, before actually looking to see how much time is left, I try to guess how much time is left; if I’m correct within 3 seconds on the timer, I actually feel a measure of accomplishment.

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sometimes i poop in my pants and like the smell of my poop. Smells like whatever i just ate.

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take 2 coffes in 2 seconds cause dont remember the first coffee! o.O

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.