I don't like to answer the phone because it is never for me.

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I always have to know exactly what time it is before I go to sleep, just so I can figure out exactly how many hours of sleep I will get.

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Make a little song with tiny breaths out of your nose

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sometimes i poop in my pants and like the smell of my poop. Smells like whatever i just ate.

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After peeling an apple, I will put the apple in a zip-lock and hold it through the plastic so my hands won't get sticky while I eat it.

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I wonder if old women enjoy sex?

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When an awkward situation arises, pull out my phone and aimlessly flip through the apps to pretend I'm busy doing something

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When I'm alone with my pet, sometimes we just sit down and stare at each each other for a minute or two

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when going through this website only read post that have 2 or more thumbs up

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When watching television, I give people I don't like the finger

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Think about having sex with the dog. You wouldn't, but what if you did?

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Hearing a noise and turning around to see if theres a monster in the room, and when you see nothing you think "hmm, he hides everytime I turn my head around." and then for the next minute you try to suddenly look back to see if you can catch it off guard.

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If I have a top comment and I see someone else does, I upvote both of ours; friendly competition.

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having cool friends, but all their other friends are nerds.

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My butthole itches, so I fart to scratch it.

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Get to lazy to stand up in the shower so I sit down in the shower

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When you know your alone, you still have to check the whole house.

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Archer's Pam poovey, Lana Kane and Malory makes me horny

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I always find myself criticizing some commercials on television like the first time I see them I think nothing of it but the third or fourth time I think hey wait a second...

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Search for blackheads on your arms for hours just because youre bored!

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My daily agenda: wake up take a crap get out of bed...

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Say ow when I bang something I'm caring into something, even though I didn't get hurt at all. -B

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When I walk past a homeless person asking for change, I avoid looking them in the eye and walk faster.

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After a meal if I need to use a toothpick I would eat the piece of food I "picked".

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.