Sitting on the toilet and feel devastated I forgot my smartphone and then spending the rest of my time on the toilet thinking about how boring it is without my smartphone.

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when riding home on my bike with music on pretenend im in a race with no1 and commentate on iend get really exccited on the last straight especielly when a rocky soundtrack song comes on

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When I Was Little I Always Slept On My Stomach Even If I Wasn't Comfortable Because I Thought It Would Be Harder For Aliens To Abduct Me.

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Think about breathing...

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I think something is gonna get me at night when I walk out of my brothers roomso I look behind me and run and usually bump into a wall

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Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

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Imagine I'm walking in slow motion when I enter a bar or club

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Skip lines to read faster then get confused by everything for the next 10 pages.

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Walk away in the middle of a sitcom and then play the rest out of the episode in your head while doing something else.

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when im lying in bed and fart i bring the blanket up to my nose and smell it. And nod in approval..

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I wonder why people were happy after the last election

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When a male dies and screams in pain in a movie, I feel normal about it. When a female does, I feel bad and want to help.

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Sometimes when my teacher calls on me in class I imagine myself saying F**** you and then having the whole class look at me in disbelief

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i always think people can hear my thoughts.

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Never eat curry before school otherwise you will have a massive poo

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Start thinking about my blinking and feel that I am blinking weird

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recycle the peanuts in my poop to make organic peanut butter

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when i pass a grave yard, i am compelled to hold my breath

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when in the car with just one parent i get very cautious about what im thinking cuz i feel like they r reading my mind

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get really paranoid when you're in a shop's changing room and try and make sure the curtain is fully closed so nobody can see in

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When listening to headphones, I automatically start lip syncing the lyrics... But stop doing it when people look at me funny..

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When I drive I cut corners even at low speeds so that the people behind me think I am experienced race car driver.

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check for spiders under the toilet seat before taking a dump

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Opening the fridge door, then trying to accomplish pouring a drink, before the door seals itself forever leaving the cola to the mercy of the outside world.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.