How is it that celebrities no one likes keep popping up on shows everyone likes

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I always walk down the hall James Bond style. Gun out, along the wall, looking around corners before I walk into or by a room.

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While listening to music, I take my headphones off to make sure nobody else can hear it.

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When someone starts waving and saying hi then I start waving and saying hi even though I have no idea who it is only to realize they are actually waving at someone behind me.

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It takes half as long to take a dump if I forget my phone.

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Sometimes when my teacher calls on me in class I imagine myself saying F**** you and then having the whole class look at me in disbelief

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I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

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Having a deja vu, swearing you've seen something before.

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think that the NSA is always watching what you do online at any time you are even connected.

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Whenever I am in a dark room at night, and there is a window with blinds with a light shining through, I stand in front of it and pretend I am wearing a striped prison jumpsuit.

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When I am in class or somewhere boring I start getting thoughts of weird senerios like a group of zombies swamping the place or being hit by an earthquake etc and being one of the surivors. But then i realise that the possibility of that happening is incredibly slim and get depressed. Bananas!

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When i'm in the front passenger seat, I still move my foot like im the one driving...

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I wonder what would happen if time froze and only I could move. I think about all the things I could do.

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I use my mobile as a torch and keep hitting random buttons to keep it alight.

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The girl I like has just managed to transfer her consciousness into my mind, now being to hear my every thought and see everything I do. Just. Act. Cool.

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I have a feeling that life is a Video Game for another Universe. When the player looks at their computer screen, they see what I see. They control everything I do. Like The Sims games. Everyone else is either other players in a multiplayer server, or they are are all fake, computer players.

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I like to watch online videos of people and pause the video mid sentence to see the faces they make frozen mid speech

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take 2 coffes in 2 seconds cause dont remember the first coffee! o.O

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When watching television, I give people I don't like the finger

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thinking about how you will never understand who in the world thought it was a good idea to spell "Wednesday" like that

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Look at my poop before flushing

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THINK OF SOMETHING WEIRD YOU DO TO PUT ON THIS WEBSITE ONLY TO END UP FORGETTING IT BEFORE YOU GET ON THE COMPUTER

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Sometimes when I'm watching a sitcom, I get distracted from the jokes because the characters are in a bedroom and I start focusing on the awesome stuff they have.

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Fall down the stairs, bounce on your ass to the bottom, feel scared, then want to DO IT AGAIN! Get pwned at a game, rage, look at your cat sitting beside you, looking back, and say "What?"

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.