Sitting on the toilet and feel devastated I forgot my smartphone and then spending the rest of my time on the toilet thinking about how boring it is without my smartphone.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

When I Was Little I Always Slept On My Stomach Even If I Wasn't Comfortable Because I Thought It Would Be Harder For Aliens To Abduct Me.

thumb_up thumb_down -60

When listening to music via headphones in public, I become paranoid that I am bothering everyone around me as my breathing becomes louder without me realising.

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Think about breathing...

thumb_up thumb_down -68

I think something is gonna get me at night when I walk out of my brothers roomso I look behind me and run and usually bump into a wall

thumb_up thumb_down -68

Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

thumb_up thumb_down -70

Imagine I'm walking in slow motion when I enter a bar or club

thumb_up thumb_down -78

Walk away in the middle of a sitcom and then play the rest out of the episode in your head while doing something else.

thumb_up thumb_down -86

when im lying in bed and fart i bring the blanket up to my nose and smell it. And nod in approval..

thumb_up thumb_down -92

I wonder why people were happy after the last election

thumb_up thumb_down -134

When a male dies and screams in pain in a movie, I feel normal about it. When a female does, I feel bad and want to help.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

i always think people can hear my thoughts.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Never eat curry before school otherwise you will have a massive poo

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Start thinking about my blinking and feel that I am blinking weird

thumb_up thumb_down -5

recycle the peanuts in my poop to make organic peanut butter

thumb_up thumb_down -15

when i pass a grave yard, i am compelled to hold my breath

thumb_up thumb_down -17

when in the car with just one parent i get very cautious about what im thinking cuz i feel like they r reading my mind

thumb_up thumb_down -21

get really paranoid when you're in a shop's changing room and try and make sure the curtain is fully closed so nobody can see in

thumb_up thumb_down -25

When I drive I cut corners even at low speeds so that the people behind me think I am experienced race car driver.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

When listening to headphones, I automatically start lip syncing the lyrics... But stop doing it when people look at me funny..

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Opening the fridge door, then trying to accomplish pouring a drink, before the door seals itself forever leaving the cola to the mercy of the outside world.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

I'm a female. Sometimes I pee in the shower just so that I can try to aim my pee at the drain. This way I can imagine what it's like to pee with a doodle.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Talks to yourself in your head then replies to yourself out loud nikki

thumb_up thumb_down -29

play my ipod all night till my eyes hurt

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.