When I’ve got something cooking in the microwave, before actually looking to see how much time is left, I try to guess how much time is left; if I’m correct within 3 seconds on the timer, I actually feel a measure of accomplishment.

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thinking that everybody in the world (except me) has a device which shows them what i am doing, watching and makes them feel what i am feeling

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when in the car with just one parent i get very cautious about what im thinking cuz i feel like they r reading my mind

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I don't like to answer the phone because it is never for me.

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There's this reassuring voice in my head. She's almost like a mother, telling me that it'll be alright and that I have things to do.

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thinking about how you will never understand who in the world thought it was a good idea to spell "Wednesday" like that

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I really enjoy spending my birthday alone. I never told anyone that.

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Always check the other side of the shower curtain when showering out of fear that someone is on the other side

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When home alone, I put cans in front of the door so if someone breaks in, I wake up.

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I wonder if old women enjoy sex?

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Look at my poop before flushing

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sometimes i poop in my pants and like the smell of my poop. Smells like whatever i just ate.

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when you kill a bug you act like a god and yell something before you kill it

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Being so socially awkward that when you have a successful interaction with another human being, you play it in your head over and over again.

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Tally mark everytime I take a shit.

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Think about having sex with the dog. You wouldn't, but what if you did?

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When Im going to sleep , I try to think of good things so I wont think of scary things

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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When reading something on the internet highlighting the words, they don't even have to be what you'r reading just highlighting large sections of the article at random.

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Archer's Pam poovey, Lana Kane and Malory makes me horny

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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Being able to scare people by awkwardly standing behind them

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When i close the refrigiator door, i re-open it and give it a good shove to make sure it tight.

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Forget a seemingly simple word. Shout it out at random 3 days later...(don't tell me you don't do this)

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.