When you know your alone, you still have to check the whole house.

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A lot of times I'll make up reasons for why different things happen even though I really have absolutely no idea.

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When calling someone you hang up after 3 or 4 rings because you're tired of waiting rather than it being time to leave a message.

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Every time I see a pretty girl,the first thing I think is how I'd love to pin her down and tickle her.

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When I get bored of sex and p*rn, I download animal "mating" stuff for variation.

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Vote for the other guy

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When I see a 20th Century Fox movie, I always sing the intro.

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when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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if something stands for something, i come up with my own version of it.

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Sick the top of you fingers in your pants when you are doing something that requires one hand, like watching t.v

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taking a shit while brushing my teeth.

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When the toilet paper falls to the floor, I quickly roll it again so nobody notices it.

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I think of doing something productive, but can't work up the motivation and end up on the internet instead.

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My brother (who is 2 years younger) and I have our own language, consisting of movie quotes and silly stuff we made up when we were little. We speak it with abandon when we're alone, and try as hard as we can to suppress it when we're with a friend. But sometimes some of it slips out, and the friend looks at us like he's the guy who isn't in on the joke; I always get the feeling he or she thinks the two of us are crazy. By the way, if you're the third person in company with two close siblings who are speaking their own secret language, don't ask them to explain or look at them like they're crazy. They're not nuts, and you won't understand, even if they try to explain. Just let it pass.

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thinking your pants are wet when you only just sat down for a long time

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Get bored of regular porn and watch some bestiality just for the variation.

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When does eating pop corn, take apart the bag and lick all the extra butter.

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Every time I miss a gree light by just a couple seconds, I think to myself, "Maybe if I had made that light an out of control semi would be slamming into my car right at this moment." Thank you red light.

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I forget I turned the toaster on and jump when it goes off.

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when i pass a grave yard, i am compelled to hold my breath

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Hope that one day your closet will have a secret world like Narnia...

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I never feel bored

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I'm a female. Sometimes I pee in the shower just so that I can try to aim my pee at the drain. This way I can imagine what it's like to pee with a doodle.

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When I take a shower, I screw with my iPod for a half an hour "Waiting for the water to warm up".

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.