Text random people saying I'm pregnant

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Consume skin around finger nails. Cuticle too.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

I wonder why the word ISLAND has an "S" in it?

thumb_up thumb_down +4

I always think I have special powers

thumb_up thumb_down -2

When I am in class or somewhere boring I start getting thoughts of weird senerios like a group of zombies swamping the place or being hit by an earthquake etc and being one of the surivors. But then i realise that the possibility of that happening is incredibly slim and get depressed. Bananas!

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Always check the other side of the shower curtain when showering out of fear that someone is on the other side

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Blow on your ice cream for no apparent reason before you eat it.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

After peeling an apple, I will put the apple in a zip-lock and hold it through the plastic so my hands won't get sticky while I eat it.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

When home alone, I put cans in front of the door so if someone breaks in, I wake up.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Tally mark everytime I take a shit.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Sometimes I won't do something just to see how long it takes before someone else does it (dishes, throw something away, fill the ice cube tray, etc.).

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie)

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Think about having sex with the dog. You wouldn't, but what if you did?

thumb_up thumb_down -30

I sit sideways on the toilet because my bony butt fits better that way.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

A lot of times I'll make up reasons for why different things happen even though I really have absolutely no idea.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

When i close the refrigiator door, i re-open it and give it a good shove to make sure it tight.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

I make weird crazy faces at myself in the mirror whenever I leave the bathroom.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

I never even met you! Why do you care who I'm talking to?

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Saying something stupid and then claiming it was an inside joke so you don't look stupid.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

fart and talk thinking it will cover the smell

thumb_up thumb_down -44

When your at your friends house and they run out of toilet paper, so you sit there like "what do i do now?"

thumb_up thumb_down -48

When I was younger I used to think that Red bull was a drink that really did give you wings like they show in the commercials

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Simultaneously apply pressure to my ears to make the surrounding noises sound weird Tristan J.

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.