I forget I turned the toaster on and jump when it goes off.

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Every time I miss a gree light by just a couple seconds, I think to myself, "Maybe if I had made that light an out of control semi would be slamming into my car right at this moment." Thank you red light.

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You try to tell a joke to impress everyone and then you mess it up.

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Hope that one day your closet will have a secret world like Narnia...

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Swirling your hair through your hair while something is loading.

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When I take a shower, I screw with my iPod for a half an hour "Waiting for the water to warm up".

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When I drive I cut corners even at low speeds so that the people behind me think I am experienced race car driver.

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Sometimes I won't do something just to see how long it takes before someone else does it (dishes, throw something away, fill the ice cube tray, etc.).

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Sit at your desk at work and think to yourself "is this it? I feel like I was meant for something bigger, like being an actor or a real life hero." then you look around you and feel bad because you feel like you dumped on everyone else who seem happy wih their lives. Then you go back to your boring desk job anyway.

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I look behind me and out of my window every 10 minutes while I'm sitting at my desk because I'm scared something's gonna be there.

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I always find myself criticizing some commercials on television like the first time I see them I think nothing of it but the third or fourth time I think hey wait a second...

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Skip the first 3 minutes of "Free Bird" because it's too slow.

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i put a empty pack of cigarettes under my pillow and hoped the cigarette fairy would come when i was asleep

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Race the microwave. Not literally, by the way.

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When I used to go on car rides at night I would look up at the moon and I would think it was following us.

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Whilst passing a mega dump or room clearer as my brother calls them I come up with songs...sometimes in spanish

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I HATE minecraft gift codes and the morons who post about them. I wish those morons would get off my planet.

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Pretending not to hear someone talk to you hoping they wont care enough to repeat themselves so you wont have to talk to them

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Pretend animals talk to you!

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thinking your pants are wet when you only just sat down for a long time

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Always run up the stairs as if someone was chasing you.

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pretend you have a fishing pole and are reeling in cars to pass them when your in the passengers seat going down the freeway.

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Back away as much as I can from airplane toilets before flushing them because the noise scares me

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I always write b as d or d as b since I've learned the alphabet, and i hate my keyboarb cuz its on lower case every time.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.