I feel that there is something sinister going on in government

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I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

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Whenever I'm in the shower, I never close my eyes because I think someones gonna kill me

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Pretend animals talk to you!

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~When you turn around, somebody is already looking at you; something is probably on your face. (I know they look at you because you would look at anybody turning around, but I just hate it)

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Walk away in the middle of a sitcom and then play the rest out of the episode in your head while doing something else.

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You pretend to fight imaginary people while no ones looking:/ But you look like the star wars kid...

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say "ow" when your character in a video game gets hurt

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Consume skin around finger nails. Cuticle too.

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Having a deja vu, swearing you've seen something before.

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I don't leave the toilet in a public restroom until the other person leaves, so I don't have to make awkward eye contact.

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when i pass a grave yard, i am compelled to hold my breath

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thinking about how you will never understand who in the world thought it was a good idea to spell "Wednesday" like that

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Check the shower before you pee to make sure nothing is waiting there to literally get you with your pants down.

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Feel the bed gets more comfortable the longer you put off getting into bed.

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pick nose in car and realize people can see you when stopped at a red light

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When the vacuum cleaner's going, I try to stay as far away from it and block the noise by shutting doors.

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Play as both sides on fifa

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twirl your penis in a cirlce and make the woo woo sound

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Whenever someone dies I try to guess who will die next so I wont be as shocked

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I always find myself criticizing some commercials on television like the first time I see them I think nothing of it but the third or fourth time I think hey wait a second...

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Forget a seemingly simple word. Shout it out at random 3 days later...(don't tell me you don't do this)

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Check the lint filter on the dryer every time I walk into the laundry room.

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Say ow when I bang something I'm caring into something, even though I didn't get hurt at all. -B

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.