I feel that there is something sinister going on in government

I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

Whenever I'm in the shower, I never close my eyes because I think someones gonna kill me

Pretend animals talk to you!

~When you turn around, somebody is already looking at you; something is probably on your face. (I know they look at you because you would look at anybody turning around, but I just hate it)

Walk away in the middle of a sitcom and then play the rest out of the episode in your head while doing something else.

You pretend to fight imaginary people while no ones looking:/ But you look like the star wars kid...

say "ow" when your character in a video game gets hurt

Consume skin around finger nails. Cuticle too.

Having a deja vu, swearing you've seen something before.

I don't leave the toilet in a public restroom until the other person leaves, so I don't have to make awkward eye contact.

when i pass a grave yard, i am compelled to hold my breath

thinking about how you will never understand who in the world thought it was a good idea to spell "Wednesday" like that

Check the shower before you pee to make sure nothing is waiting there to literally get you with your pants down.

Feel the bed gets more comfortable the longer you put off getting into bed.

pick nose in car and realize people can see you when stopped at a red light

When the vacuum cleaner's going, I try to stay as far away from it and block the noise by shutting doors.

Play as both sides on fifa

twirl your penis in a cirlce and make the woo woo sound

Whenever someone dies I try to guess who will die next so I wont be as shocked

I always find myself criticizing some commercials on television like the first time I see them I think nothing of it but the third or fourth time I think hey wait a second...

Forget a seemingly simple word. Shout it out at random 3 days later...(don't tell me you don't do this)

Check the lint filter on the dryer every time I walk into the laundry room.

Say ow when I bang something I'm caring into something, even though I didn't get hurt at all. -B

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.