I no longer trust any of my local news because they appear to have an agenda

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I'm not a pessimist I'm a realist.

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I chew around the center of carrots.

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I practice my signature on a piece of paper over and over again. Even though my signature has never changed.

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Pick your dead skin then eat it.

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When it is raining and a sad song comes on the radio, I look out the window and pretend I am in a movie. -Cocobear

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When your to lazy try to use the force to pick things up

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Being the only one laughing at something on TV, then feeling awkward.

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Always run up the stairs as if someone was chasing you.

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Look at the toilet paper after i wipe my ass just to make sure i didn't leave anything behind..

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I meow when my cat meows.

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thinking that everybody in the world (except me) has a device which shows them what i am doing, watching and makes them feel what i am feeling

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Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

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I save my files as "askjaskjaks" because I'm too lazy to give them a proper name.

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When listening to headphones, I automatically start lip syncing the lyrics... But stop doing it when people look at me funny..

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If I have a top comment and I see someone else does, I upvote both of ours; friendly competition.

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pick nose in car and realize people can see you when stopped at a red light

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Sometimes when I'm watching a sitcom, I get distracted from the jokes because the characters are in a bedroom and I start focusing on the awesome stuff they have.

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Find that the kettle has recently been used and still contains hot water so decide to have a cup of tea just so that boiling that water wasn't a waste. Think that it might have cooled down by now. Reboil the water.

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Being able to scare people by awkwardly standing behind them

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If I'm trying to read a clock or bulletin from far away, I instinctively stand and point at it.

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Hearing a noise and turning around to see if theres a monster in the room, and when you see nothing you think "hmm, he hides everytime I turn my head around." and then for the next minute you try to suddenly look back to see if you can catch it off guard.

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When your at your friends house and they run out of toilet paper, so you sit there like "what do i do now?"

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When sitting on the pot I whip and then I feel like I have to crap again.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.