When im out with my dad in the car i swear traffic lights always seem to go to red when were coming

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When your talking to a hot girl and then picture her naked with you in bed but then stop thinking about that because you think she can read your mind

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I hold my boobs if I'm running upstairs and not wearing a bra.

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when i m in a car i'll look at the letters on license plates and try to think of words that you can make-or almost make- with those letters

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Laying in bed kind of hungry, knowing exactly what you want to eat, and going over all the steps involved (going all the way to the kitchen, making the food, cleaning up, going all the way back to your room, plus it's nighttime and something might get you) and trying to decide whether or not it's worth it to go eat now or just wait until you wake up.

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I'm in computer class at school right now. I'm supposed to be making up for incomplete assignments. But I have been on Things only you think you do, Funny Exams, DIY Fail, Pointless Super powers, Explain this image, and Perfectly Time Photos all class class period. I just noticed these websites aren't blocked at school.

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Brake for tail-gaters

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I pick my nose n eat it. I love the hard ones

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Tally mark everytime I take a shit.

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I hump my bed at night and pretend it's a hot model

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I sometimes go out of my way to make sure I have my iPhone with me in the bathroom while taking a poop.

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Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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Contract my gluteus maximus while sitting for a long time to feel more comfortable.

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Whenever I have to carry a heavy box with both hands a long distance, my nose decides it's going to itchy.

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feel that the horsehead network captchas can read my mind. kind of scary.

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When I'm peeing in the urinal, I aim to the side so it doesn't deflect back on me.

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during texting you set your phone in your lap right before a car is about to pass you so they dont see you texting and driving

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apparently you turn or twist everything to tight like a sink or a bottlecap ect. "i cant open the bottle of fu***ng coke becase you "

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Take a dump in the dark... Anyone but me?

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When I'm alone I occasionally like to give a little hump to the air. Not for sexual reasons or anything, just because it feels right.

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Coughing really loud to cover up the sound of your fart, then shitting your pants.

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Get my belt loop caught on the door handle,

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I keep tearing the little piece of skin next to my thumb nail until it hurts - and even if it bleeds I have to get it off.

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I mustn't step on the cracks in the pavement

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.