incognito mode on google chrome

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I don't leave the toilet in a public restroom until the other person leaves, so I don't have to make awkward eye contact.

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The older I get the more honest I get

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How is it that celebrities no one likes keep popping up on shows everyone likes

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Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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Sometimes I blow my nose on yesterday's socks because it is the closest thing to the bed in the morning and I'm too lazy to get up and go for a tissue. O_o

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I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

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Imagining a friend can see everything you do during the day through telepathy.

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When you stop to tie you shoe, you re-tie the other so one isnt tighter than the other.

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When my friends talk bout a show they ask did u see the one where they did this and I nod even thow I have no idea what they're talking about

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When I see a typo ANYWHERE, I feel compelled to correct it, even if there is no possible way for me to correct it

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I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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i have conversations in my head about showing someone some music and end up playing specific parts of various songs on my ipod and memorise the timings just in case it does happen

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after brushing my teeth I chew on the granules that are on my teeth

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Feeling like no one really "knows" me, but only what they already see/know. Most things about me my family don't know about.

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only turning the TV volume to numbers ending in 5

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Whenever I walk through automatic doors I say "Thank You"

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When I hear something that I could make a great comeback to (if it was directed towards me), I saw it under my breath just to feel full fiilled

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when you are at home doing something then all of a sudden you imagine how you would take down a killer if he came into your home right now. just me?

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when I get a really good idea, I write notes in excruciating detail, as I believe my brilliance will quickly disappear and I will have no idea what I was writing about ..

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wish you looked like either Kellan Lutz or Bradley Cooper! I wish magic existed now.

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When your talking to a hot girl and then picture her naked with you in bed but then stop thinking about that because you think she can read your mind

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i make loud noises so before i fart people cant hear it.

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Pronouncing 'garage' as 'grozhh'

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.