When telemarketers call I speak Afrikaans to them until they hang up

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Think of numbers as male or female.

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Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

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Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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I really enjoy taking a shit and dont really know why.

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Sometimes at night, I find myself imagining people I know saying my name, trying to get my attention in my head. They won't stop until I respond out loud.

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In the car and sad song comes on you look out the window and pretend your in a movie.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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I wonder to myself if other people see exactly the same things as me.

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sometimes when im in the shower and i hear the slightest bump i look behind the curtains to see if anyone is about to scare me

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Sometimes when I'm sitting still I visualize myself being able to move myself using my mind.

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Fart when i'm alone RIGHT before someone walks in... try to talk over the smell...

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I'm in computer class at school right now. I'm supposed to be making up for incomplete assignments. But I have been on Things only you think you do, Funny Exams, DIY Fail, Pointless Super powers, Explain this image, and Perfectly Time Photos all class class period. I just noticed these websites aren't blocked at school.

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Check my underwear for any sh!t from farts (yes, sometimes my shit comes with a fart) captcha: royal flush

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When you're having a discussion or an argument with someone and you are about to say something important then you completely forget what you were going to say.

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Accidentally scratching a surface and then scratching it again with the tops of your fingernails to even it out.

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Waiting with a friend the microwave countdown finish and when comes to 0 shout "Happy New Year!" and we hug each other

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LOG OFF OF ICHAT BECAUSE THE PERSON U WERE JUST TALKING TO WENT OFFLINE.

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When ever I'm walking up or down stairs, i always have to step on the last step with my left foot.

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Purposely scuff a shoe on pavement after the other scuffs by accident. Feel you scuffed this foot a little too much and so re-scuff the first to balance things out.

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When alone at home turn on all the lights before it gets darker.

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Stare at something long enough thinking it will eventually move.

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Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

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try to rip the top off an Oreo without messing up the cream and then if the cream comes out on both parts not wanting to eat the Oreo because its wrong.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.