Wait 2-3 seconds with anticipation whenever a baby falls for them to cry.

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In school look at the wall or something and feel like only a few seconds has gone by but really thirty minutes has

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When I'm in the car I imagine I'm Superman flying along next to the car, whipping under, over and around traffic signs, trees, and fences. Sometimes I then fly up above the traffic a little. Then I get worried I will cause a traffic accident because people will be watching me instead of the road. I've done this since I was a kid. I'm 45 now and I still do it! Sometimes I'm Spider-Man, swing and jumping from truck to truck, car to car to keep moving fast along the highway. And lately, sometimes I do the Superman flying thing, but as Iron Man.

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After using the restroom at someone's house I turn on the water and proceed to check myself in the mirror while the water runs and sounds like I'm washing my hands then I turn off the water and walk out.

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Think that everything you do is life is being recorded by secret cameras and you're on a reality show. But you don't actually know. The Truman Show. -Robert

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make south park refferences every day

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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Sometimes I wonder who created words. For instance, who thought to call a fence a fence? It could have been called something completely random like bucxbuw, but it would seem normal to us and fence would seem like jibberish instead.

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Thinking your life is a movie...

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Sometimes when I'm sitting still I visualize myself being able to move myself using my mind.

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When you're in a public place, make up conversations between strangers. Example: Man to wife: Let's get out of here. There's no place to sit. Wife to man: Honey, we just got here. Man to wife: Maybe you didn't understand, Martha. There's no place to sit.

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Sometimes I cant sleep without something making noise , like a fan .

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When using the bathroom count the tiles on the floor or shower wall or read a shampoo bottle.

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Get turned on when you see a girl yawn

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Laugh quietly to myself in public then cough to make the laugh seem like a it was a cough so people won't think I'm weird.

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Try to move your head to line up specks on the windshield with objects outside.

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disgusted by people that are obsessed with poo and pee

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Wonder if anyone doesn't actually talk to themselves for some reason or another at some point in their life. (If so, how can talking to yourself be the first sign of madness? So many people do it...)

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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Any time I shop for used clothes, I always have to ask, “Did anybody die in this?” –Ikka

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When something says "I have read and agree to the terms of service" I quickly skim through it nd act like I read it.

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Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.