Sex scene comes on TV while you are watching with your parents... Try to act normal... Fail.

Smelling food to see if its spicy.

Hate using public bathrooms because everyone can hear you pee.

When sitting on the pot I whip and then I feel like I have to crap again.

Look an ugly person up and down and try to think of ways that they can improve how they look. ( clothing, hair, and makeup)

watch reality t.v. when you're feeling guilty and think to yourself "at least I'm not as bad as that"

Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

You think about all the stupid things you did in elementary school and avoid anyone who went to your elementary school in high school.

i put a empty pack of cigarettes under my pillow and hoped the cigarette fairy would come when i was asleep

Whenever I accidentally drop a glass or cup it always bounces the first time but breaks the second

sit closer to the water so my poop isn't so loud..

wonder why the word "MORTGAGE" has a T in it?

I have an unhealthy obsession with and so always talk about Penge North Korea beige mauve and medium density fiberboard. This explains why I'm such a popular guy

Will use delayed foot-to-ass insults on verbal bullies. You know, the kind that goes off in the persons head days or weeks after they thought they won an argument with me.

When no one is home or if no one is looking you go in the fridge and drink right out of the bottle.

I plant my feet firmly when the subway approaches in case a random stranger tries to kill me by pushing me in front of the train.

Worry that I'm will go schizophrenic.

When I go to the shops I like to park my car next to a specific coloured car so I can find it afterwards.

Get annoyed when I'm working on something and someone who's looking at funny pictures wants to show me every single one. Then I do the same thing when I'm looking at funny pictures.

When your watching a YouTube video and you have to watch an AD, you mute it and turn your head away because your just that pissed off at the company.

When you can't be bothered to go to the toilet so you stay watching tv or going on your laptop while trying to hold it in.

Look at the clock to realize that it seems like the "second" hand is taking longer on the number its on right when you look at it, and/or you looked at the clock at the absolute perfect time. And it happens frequently..

Pee sitting down so I dont have to aim

Open the microwave at 1 second left to pretend you're on a bomb squad.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.