Live in a house my whole life and still not know what switch does which

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Wonder who decide what news stories we see and don't see?

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Check the lint filter on the dryer every time I walk into the laundry room.

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Guessing on those annoying Captcha things and then getting unnecessarily angry when it tells you you're wrong.

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I eat ass

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When I am home alone and I hear something upstairs, I pretend my Dad is here and say really loudly, "Hey Dad! When are you going to your violent national wrestling match tonight?!"

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Check the toilet paper after every wipe.

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When in bed, I fold a small section of the covers in my hand to make a point and poke my fingers with it.

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When I see interactive ads on webpages ( "Shoot 5 iPhones And Get One Free!" type of windows ), I feel compelled to finish the task, even though I KNOW it's going to open a pop-up and waste 10 seconds of my life.

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I constantly try to turn something I say into my catch phrase.

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Sometimes i think i've been living a dream life, and one day im really gonna wake up in the middle of 9th grade math class and have to explain why i was sleeping on my desk and jerking off so much.

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If I am waiting on someone and they are late, I start mentally listing their faults, flaws and mistakes but feel kind of bad for doing it when they finally show up.

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sometimes when im in the shower and i hear the slightest bump i look behind the curtains to see if anyone is about to scare me

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i would air drum even if theres no music playing

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I can't get out of bed in the mornings unless the alarm clock reads 0 or 5.

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use the shower water running of my arms and hands to shoot off random hairs inside the shower

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I pretend I'm a really popular YouTuber and talk to nobody thinking they're my subscribers.

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Wonder what I would have said to my dad if I knew he was going to die

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Sing every word to Bohemian Rhapsody every time you hear it in the most dramatic way possible.

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Find a really good joke on the internet and pretend you came up with it to make your friends think you're funny

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Wishing you were living in that time when men were still gentlemen. Holds doors, brings flowers, chooses you over job.

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When someone close to me sadly passes on and later when I am listening to the radio if I hear a song that sounds suitable to that moment I kind of make that our song if that makes sense to any of you

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when i watch a movie, and a character in it gos underwater, i hold my breath with that person until that person gets above water, then i let go, either that, after the character comes up from the water, i still hold my breath until i cant take it anymore.

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have fake conversations that might happen in the future...so ur prepared

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.