When I walk past a homeless person asking for change, I avoid looking them in the eye and walk faster.

Turn on Fox News and wonder if I'm watching a bad comedy routine or news reporting.

Closed the door to the refrigerator super slow, just to watch the light turn off.

go to the bathroom, turn on the hot water, get undressed so that the water has time to heat up

only read the short jokes on this website

Laugh quietly to myself in public then cough to make the laugh seem like a it was a cough so people won't think I'm weird.

Sometimes, I ask myself philosophical questions. The one that is bugging me now is "If reincarnation is real, why is this life so vivid?"

Sometimes when I touch something I have to touch all of the object and with both hands, otherwise I feel incomplete.

No matter how complicated your shower is at home, you always find it much easier to work than other people's showers.

Pretend you and your classmates are in a Hunger Games scenario.

Fantasize about shooting one of those trucks that have some sort of liquid in them and watching them blow up.

pick your nose and eat it

When no one's at home, the house turns into an action movie set. Going to my room turns into sprinting up the stairs and purposely stumbling to give the effect that bombs are going off. And always make it to the room in time to hop on the last helicopter out of the jungle.

Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

When I use deodorant, I flap my arms like a chicken a couple of times to get some air moving under there...

When you're in a public place, make up conversations between strangers. Example: Man to wife: Let's get out of here. There's no place to sit. Wife to man: Honey, we just got here. Man to wife: Maybe you didn't understand, Martha. There's no place to sit.

Learn how to say "I love you" in a different language, just to say it to the person you like and observe their dumbfounded expressions.

Write things on this site, because i cant sleep

I hate other people's mirrors, they make me look different

Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie)

Lay down in bed and close my eyes and pretend that the bed is slowly levitating towards the ceiling. When I open my eyes, the bed is back on the ground.

thinking that everybody in the world (except me) has a device which shows them what i am doing, watching and makes them feel what i am feeling

Sometimes when I'm sitting still I visualize myself being able to move myself using my mind.

Making gang signs out the window when your parents let you ride in the front seat

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.