Live in a house my whole life and still not know what switch does which

Wonder who decide what news stories we see and don't see?

Check the lint filter on the dryer every time I walk into the laundry room.

Guessing on those annoying Captcha things and then getting unnecessarily angry when it tells you you're wrong.

I eat ass

When I am home alone and I hear something upstairs, I pretend my Dad is here and say really loudly, "Hey Dad! When are you going to your violent national wrestling match tonight?!"

Check the toilet paper after every wipe.

When in bed, I fold a small section of the covers in my hand to make a point and poke my fingers with it.

When I see interactive ads on webpages ( "Shoot 5 iPhones And Get One Free!" type of windows ), I feel compelled to finish the task, even though I KNOW it's going to open a pop-up and waste 10 seconds of my life.

I constantly try to turn something I say into my catch phrase.

Sometimes i think i've been living a dream life, and one day im really gonna wake up in the middle of 9th grade math class and have to explain why i was sleeping on my desk and jerking off so much.

If I am waiting on someone and they are late, I start mentally listing their faults, flaws and mistakes but feel kind of bad for doing it when they finally show up.

sometimes when im in the shower and i hear the slightest bump i look behind the curtains to see if anyone is about to scare me

i would air drum even if theres no music playing

I can't get out of bed in the mornings unless the alarm clock reads 0 or 5.

use the shower water running of my arms and hands to shoot off random hairs inside the shower

I pretend I'm a really popular YouTuber and talk to nobody thinking they're my subscribers.

Wonder what I would have said to my dad if I knew he was going to die

Sing every word to Bohemian Rhapsody every time you hear it in the most dramatic way possible.

Find a really good joke on the internet and pretend you came up with it to make your friends think you're funny

Wishing you were living in that time when men were still gentlemen. Holds doors, brings flowers, chooses you over job.

When someone close to me sadly passes on and later when I am listening to the radio if I hear a song that sounds suitable to that moment I kind of make that our song if that makes sense to any of you

when i watch a movie, and a character in it gos underwater, i hold my breath with that person until that person gets above water, then i let go, either that, after the character comes up from the water, i still hold my breath until i cant take it anymore.

have fake conversations that might happen in the future...so ur prepared

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.