Whenever someone is making a speech, I imagine them being taken out by a sniper mid-speech...

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whenever i'm talking about someone, i constantly check my phone to make sure i haven't butt-dialed them and they're listening to everything i'm saying about them!

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When you're chatting with a friend while you're walking around and not really paying attention then you turn around to took at your friend and you realise you've been talking to someone you don't even know the entire time.

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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When I loose something , I buy a new one, then continue to find the old one the next day.

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When I see someone I know walking toward me as I'm walking toward them from a long way away, I pretend I don't see them until we're right on top of each other, then, miraculously discovering them, I smile and say, "Hi".

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Sometimes when someone says something to me, I will hear them perfectly clear, but I will instinctively say "what?"

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I hold in my shit only because i am soo occupied with my current task.

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When I'm in the shower, I talk to myself, usually about my plans for video game procedures.

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Tap different rythyms with my fingers and keep doing it over and over until the rythym ends on the last finger

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All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

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i run my 2 fingers across a wall like they're ninja feet when im happy.

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Realizing that when you look behind a shower curtain before using the bathroom and actually see a Serial killer, you have no plan...

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while you put your t-shirt on, you get frightened that someone's watching you behind your shirt so you try to put it on as soon as possible.

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When I have a really good dream, and I wake up and realize it was a dream, I try to fall back asleep and re-visit the dream.

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Wipe drink can with shirt after someone (mainly father) has had a sip.

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Check my underwear for any sh!t from farts (yes, sometimes my shit comes with a fart) captcha: royal flush

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pick leaves of bushes while im walking and rip them up into small pieces

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When i am home alone i think there are hidden cameras in my house and wave at objects that might conceal the camers to scare the people looking through them

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when you are at home doing something then all of a sudden you imagine how you would take down a killer if he came into your home right now. just me?

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when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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Lightly touching your stomach or other body parts with your fingers to get that tickling sensation.

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trying to look cool when you're driving past other cars.

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Imagine myself going back in time and giving my friends and family little hints on how their life will pan out.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.