Don't have to poop for a week until I get in the shower

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get caught up in youtube comment arguments

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When I play Sims, I feel like God and wonder if we, in fact, are just the players in God's Sims game. Hmmmm...

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Sometimes I accidentally move my mouth in a way where it suddenly makes a random farting noise so I immediately just make more obviously made fart noises just so people wont think I actually farted. Is that only me?

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I sometimes chew on the inside of my cheek

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Whenever i do something bad to someone I can't stop smiling even though i never wanted to smile in the first place and i feel like people think I'm a terrible person

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When alone at home turn on all the lights before it gets darker.

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When I turn the volume up or Down it has to be a number with 0 or 5 in

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When the good guy in a movie is in a bad situation, I imagine myself doing something different that seems more legit.

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Imagin what would happen if there was a zombie invasion just at your house.

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I sometimes put posts not just of things I do but also of things I know other people do

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When I'm alone I occasionally like to give a little hump to the air. Not for sexual reasons or anything, just because it feels right.

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look at bins as i walk past them

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When I am walking and accidentally touch a strangers hand I pretend it never happened -Marquez, P

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I used to think that if the earth was completely smoothed flat and you had a really powerful telescope if you looked through it you would see yourself looking through the telescope.

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calling someone and it rings so long you forget who your calling and when they answer you have to look at your caller i.d to remember.

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Air guitar to a song of how you think it would be on a Guitar Hero game.

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log out of any social network sites so that when im on a website it doesnt somehow send messages to my profile

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get some of the lyrics to a song wrong. you know theyre wrong, but continue to sing the wrong words anyway, because the real words just don't seem to fit.

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I want to hire a private investigator to follow a private investigator who was hired to follow the first investigator.

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Text random people saying I'm pregnant

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I walk into a room and forget why I'm in there.

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I lift my butt when I'm farting

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when I have an itch on my hand I scratch it with my stubble

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.