I think of unbelievably perverted things seconds before I am about to cum when masturbating.

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When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

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When I'm at home alone, I feel like people are watching me through my windows, so I act completely civil.

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pick leaves of bushes while im walking and rip them up into small pieces

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Sleeping with one leg under the blanket and one out.

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dont turn my fan up so high cause i think its going to fall and slice me to bits -jesse

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strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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Whenever on a car ride, pretend you are in a military convoy and shoot at pursuing helicopters and soldiers.

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You take showers on school morning because you like to stand there under the hot water just thinking about life while your warm

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Doing something, and someone asks you what you're doing, and you realize you can't remember. Then they walk off and the instant they're gone, you remember.

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Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

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Change my music to something cooler than the song im listening to when i pass by other kids my age

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when you bleed you suck your own blood

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I hit the frig after sex

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Look at my poop before flushing

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forget i left the light on somewhere in the house and when i see it on i think a ghost did it..

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Look at restaurant signs and realize the font isnt as fancy as you once thought

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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When having a flog in the shower I keep checking the door to make sure noone walks in

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when you are pooping you fart and it scares you a little bit.

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Mix my coffee with the spoon upside down.

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you look at someone and they look toward you and you look away quickly then you look back to see if they are still looking.

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Thinking something embarrassing, then having to talk to someone and suddenly getting worried you are about to blurt out your thoughts

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Call out the mistakes I see drivers make in front of me.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.