Hatch an escape plan as soon as my date starts to complain about anything.

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put wood glue on my hand, blow it dry and peel it off to make fake skin

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Fall asleep at night fantasizing about how you wish life situations would play out.

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Solving your problems in bed before sleeping and then forgetting all of the solutions when you wake up. This applies to games, homework, and world hunger.

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When I walk the streets after getting a new haircut, I think everybody's staring at me and thinking "oh my god she got a new haircut" eventhough they didn't know me before.

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Tried to suck ur own penis

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I have to make a breathing hole for fresh air to come in when I am laying under a hot blanket.

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Sometimes I imagine how everyone would react if I died.

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Make funny fish faces and noises in the mirror just because... Oh yeah, and fish totally make noise, right?

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I like to lather my entire body with Nutella and put paper in my hands and stand there acting like a tree.

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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Whilst passing a mega dump or room clearer as my brother calls them I come up with songs...sometimes in spanish

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When I'm making a weird face, I remind my self to stop before it gets stuck like that.

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I really don't know what to do when i see a double post on here. I mean, i get that people like to do stuff with their feet when their in bed, but somehow al lot of these people do not find it enough to vote up an existing post.

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When I'm about to go to the bathroom, I think of a million things that I have to do and try to do them all before I pee my pants.

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Flush the toilet right before done peeing so when you're done, the toilet and your pee has been flushed.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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feel disappointed when i find out that a p0rn scene is just the actor's dream or imagination.

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I sometimes watch entire movies with the sound off and a good album playing.

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When I am surfing the web and i go to another website i see an ad that was about something i just viewed from previous website I wonder if a little man is inside my pc keeping catalog of every website that i visit.

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I constantly get itches. On awkward parts of my body. In public places. And it's torture.

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On Youtube, while reading comments notice that many people reply angrily to the same person. Wonder what they said that pissed so many people off. Try to find them in earlier posts, but fail. Live the rest of the night in depressive state.

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Sometimes I think that if we play with dolls, maybe we're just dolls that someone is playing with and creating lives for.

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When eating chips/cereal (out of the box)/any small snacks I put an even amount in my mouth and divide them evenly on each side of my mouth and chew them like that.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.