Don't have to poop for a week until I get in the shower

get caught up in youtube comment arguments

When I play Sims, I feel like God and wonder if we, in fact, are just the players in God's Sims game. Hmmmm...

Sometimes I accidentally move my mouth in a way where it suddenly makes a random farting noise so I immediately just make more obviously made fart noises just so people wont think I actually farted. Is that only me?

I sometimes chew on the inside of my cheek

Whenever i do something bad to someone I can't stop smiling even though i never wanted to smile in the first place and i feel like people think I'm a terrible person

When alone at home turn on all the lights before it gets darker.

When I turn the volume up or Down it has to be a number with 0 or 5 in

When the good guy in a movie is in a bad situation, I imagine myself doing something different that seems more legit.

Imagin what would happen if there was a zombie invasion just at your house.

I sometimes put posts not just of things I do but also of things I know other people do

When I'm alone I occasionally like to give a little hump to the air. Not for sexual reasons or anything, just because it feels right.

look at bins as i walk past them

When I am walking and accidentally touch a strangers hand I pretend it never happened -Marquez, P

I used to think that if the earth was completely smoothed flat and you had a really powerful telescope if you looked through it you would see yourself looking through the telescope.

calling someone and it rings so long you forget who your calling and when they answer you have to look at your caller i.d to remember.

Air guitar to a song of how you think it would be on a Guitar Hero game.

log out of any social network sites so that when im on a website it doesnt somehow send messages to my profile

get some of the lyrics to a song wrong. you know theyre wrong, but continue to sing the wrong words anyway, because the real words just don't seem to fit.

I want to hire a private investigator to follow a private investigator who was hired to follow the first investigator.

Text random people saying I'm pregnant

I walk into a room and forget why I'm in there.

I lift my butt when I'm farting

when I have an itch on my hand I scratch it with my stubble

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.