Every time I miss a gree light by just a couple seconds, I think to myself, "Maybe if I had made that light an out of control semi would be slamming into my car right at this moment." Thank you red light.

When someone is really, really angry is telling me their story, I keep a straight face but I can't help mentally laughing my ass off because of their weird facial expressions. Sorry.

Accidentally scratching a surface and then scratching it again with the tops of your fingernails to even it out.

I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

Emmy Jackson Y U ALWAYS ANGRY WHEN SOMEONE SAY HI

I wonder if elections are rigged?

Breathe.

i don't have read and agree to the Terms of Service - View Terms of Service

I try to accomplish things while waiting for the timer on the microwave can go off.

only drink milk from a freshly opened carton

Get excited when the captcha says something related to whatever you're posting

When you say bye to someone and keep walking in the same direction, and then its really awkward...

When Im bored in a house that has leafy/floral wallpaper I follow the stem with my finger all the way up to the top of the wall and then go back down again and think of a route that gets you all the way to the other side of the wall.

DAS RITE MODERFOCKER! NOWUN MESSIS WIF FIRLUPE!!' (throws wine in face)

I push the door open with my stomach

Whenever people dare accuse me of being too full off myself I tell them. Moral: I cant get to full of myself, the more me, the less you, ALL THE BETTER FOR EVERYONE! WE ARE VICTORY! (except you)

Being so socially awkward that when you have a successful interaction with another human being, you play it in your head over and over again.

whenever I play I spy I always use very specific things I spy for example if I would say something starting with D and it would be for dust

Comment on here and wait a few days and see if I got some likes . CMOOON , You do it .

squezzing moisturisure/tooth paste really hard cos the top is all dry and then a shit load comes out all at once

Breathe.

I hug-squeeze the bread to get all the air out before putting it away.

I pick at my cuticles when I'm bored.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.