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Text random people saying I'm pregnant

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shag your mom

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I pretend that my actions are perceived by a past self and they're always astounded by the change I've gone through.

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Cry every day just because it makes you feel better.

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I can only play a piano with my right hand

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When you can feel yourself blushing so you pretend to be preoccupied with something else.

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I wonder if sport games are rigged?

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Being fat

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When I hear the doorbell ringing and I'm not expecting anyone, I turn off the tv/music and try not to make any sound, so they think there's no one home.

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It takes me a whole afternoon to write an important/professional email cause i keep thinking about what I should and should not write and it gets so stupidly difficult I take one hour breaks between every sentence.

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Emmy Jackson Y U ALWAYS ANGRY WHEN SOMEONE SAY HI

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I aphabeticalize my shoes

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Learning a definition of a word and after that seeing it everywhere.

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when you are waiting for something to load, you go "please,please,pleas,please,please,please...." and the when it finally finishes you yell "YES!" OF COURSE, ONLY WHEN YOUR ALONE.

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Sometimes, for no real reason, I'll make strange or funny noises when no one is around.

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Sometime if I need to go I would go outside so I don't splash the seat

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Waking up from a really bad dream that you thought was real and then thinking about it all day worried that it actually happened

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Ladies ; wear the thin underwear with the really skinny jeans & pants , & save the thick underwear for the baggy jeans & sweatpants ..

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I was the real Stig...

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Put my hand under the pillow in bed to get orgasm

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shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

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Brake for tail-gaters

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Try and accomplish something before the timer on the microwave beeps :)

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.