DAS RITE MODERFOCKER! NOWUN MESSIS WIF FIRLUPE!!' (throws wine in face)

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Sometimes, I have a hard time looking people I know in the eyes but have no trouble looking strangers in the eyes. I wish I knew why. Help!

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stare at someone then when they turn around look all around the room pretending you weren't looking at them

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Contract my gluteus maximus while sitting for a long time to feel more comfortable.

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When I'm in the car I imagine I'm Superman flying along next to the car, whipping under, over and around traffic signs, trees, and fences. Sometimes I then fly up above the traffic a little. Then I get worried I will cause a traffic accident because people will be watching me instead of the road. I've done this since I was a kid. I'm 45 now and I still do it! Sometimes I'm Spider-Man, swing and jumping from truck to truck, car to car to keep moving fast along the highway. And lately, sometimes I do the Superman flying thing, but as Iron Man.

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Pull the curtain right to the end so there are no gaps just in case some weirdo at night decides to look in my window.

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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Sometimes I get annoyed when I realize none of my friends ever eat vegetables or drink anything but sugary soda`s and are somehow as healthy, sometimes even healthier than me.

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I don't like to meet people when I'm well dressed because that's not me all of the time.

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When the T.V switches to commercial sometimes I forget what I was watching Noel

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See someone walking or in their car driving then imaging what they're doing next or imagine the rest of their life.

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Blink and pretend that you just took a picture with your eyes.

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I'm not a pessimist I'm a realist.

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Link gross things with porn i.e: Think of really gross things (or friends or family) when fapping to really hot stuff ( the porn becomes ruined)

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Handing something to a friend or someone and all you can think is "...I've fapped with that hand. And they know I have" even though you clean up after you feel like your jizz is gonna be on what you gave them and theyll find out amd think you're disgusting.

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When playing Sims, i spend more time building my house, than playing the game itself.

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I get angry when people use question marks where they don't belong. QUESTION marks are for QUESTIONS. Not statements or opinions >:( "But whatever I don't care I mean that's your opinion?" X FFFUU- "But whatever I don't care I mean that's your opinion." ?

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When i'm home alone with the dog i have a conversation with the dog, sometimes in my head & sometimes out loud, in the voice that i think the dog would have if it could speak. Then sometimes i realise that i haven't checked if anybody else is home !

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Press the Microwave open button at 0:01 to feel like you defused a bomb and avoided that stupid beeping.

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wear warm clothes on hot days -jesse

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I like to eat tomato soup and peanut butter sandwiches...its not as gross as it sounds

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I don't thumb down any submissions because then I am just as bad as the people who thumb down mine

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When someone is reading something out loud in class...and they are reading REALLY slow...You quietly read fast and you try to beat them to the end of the paragraph

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I am a masculine guy but in private I listen to very sensitive songs. ie: careless wispers

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.