When I’ve got something cooking in the microwave, before actually looking to see how much time is left, I try to guess how much time is left; if I’m correct within 3 seconds on the timer, I actually feel a measure of accomplishment.

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I meow when my cat meows.

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Sometimes when walking, accidently fart and then try to squeak my to sound like my shoes squeaked instead of me farting.

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I make a mental note NOT to buy the product or service if I feel they are trying to brainwash me with their ads.

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coughing when your having a poo so people know that your on the loo

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Picking my nose.

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go to the bathroom, turn on the hot water, get undressed so that the water has time to heat up

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Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

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Wishing you were living in that time when men were still gentlemen. Holds doors, brings flowers, chooses you over job.

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while you put your t-shirt on, you get frightened that someone's watching you behind your shirt so you try to put it on as soon as possible.

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check shower for murder then pee

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If I have to put the garbage out at night I sprint back into the house so the monsters don't get me

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in burgers, you eat until you have only a few bites left, then you eat the bun and then the insides

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When in a public bathroom, flush the toilet right before your shit falls into the water, so no one will hear.

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Hearing a noise and turning around to see if theres a monster in the room, and when you see nothing you think "hmm, he hides everytime I turn my head around." and then for the next minute you try to suddenly look back to see if you can catch it off guard.

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I read these not only for fun, but to feel in touch with my humanity.

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I sleep naked cauz It's dead sexy.

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trying to look cool when you're driving past other cars.

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I never even met you! Why do you care who I'm talking to?

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When I'm walking on the sidewalk, I try to count and keep a steady rate of how many times I step on each slab of concrete.

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Wonder who decide what news stories we see and don't see?

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(okay maybe not a thing I do but something I noticed) When people call themselves "Writers" In today's world you know that might not be the case because we have computers so shouldn't they be called typers?

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I am such a coward. When I'm going to have an argument or complain to someone, I think of the beat ever retort, but when it comes down to it I say "why are you so mean" or " why don't you just leave me alone for once" or something like that. ( Yes I get picked on, cos I'm the smartest in our class)

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skipping back to the start of the guitar solo over and over so I can pretend I'm playing it

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.