Think of the best come-backs ever, a few seconds after the time to use them would be.

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TV turned on just so... Makes you not feeling alone or because some other unknown (or) irrational reason.And of course, feeling guilty cause you spending energy and money but still... Most of the time you just don't care.

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Laugh when something happens to someone, but when the exact same happens to you, you say "Its not funny"

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Have a fantasy where Jesus Christ is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart while Garth Brooks gives birth to something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum.

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Sometimes when it's very windy, i Loudly yell "Stop". The Wind most often seem to lower it's intensity or completely blow off.

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I prefer to masturbate by putting a fleshlight under my stuffed-toy smurfette's dress and pretend to smurf her.

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I hate it whenever i hear Manny Paquiao saying "you know" in every interviews he make. Am i the only one who notice it?

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That microscopic flying things that follows my eyes' motion, especially when i look up in the sky.

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When peeing, if I get pee on the seat I will flush the toilet before wiping it and then see if I can quickly wipe it and toss the toilet paper in the toilet before it finishes flushing.

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I masturbate evenly with both hands so that my penis doesn't become crooked.

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Getting that huge shiver when you take a really good pee.

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When I drive I cut corners even at low speeds so that the people behind me think I am experienced race car driver.

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Cuss my ass off in the morning - jd

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When i'm eating M&Ms, I save one of each color until the end so I can eat them all at once.

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After washing butt, turn my butt towards the shower and spread butt cheeks apart to wash the soap out of my crack.

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When you start wondering if you're in a dream and suddenly feel trapped

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Ever played the sims, then wondered if you were just apart of a game and that maybe someone is controlling YOUR every move? Yeah. Me too.

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Constantly refresh your email page even though you know nothing will appear.

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When telemarketers call I speak Afrikaans to them until they hang up

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Too lazy to exercise. Think to self "I'm gonna work out tomorrow." - instantly feel better about self. Still didn't exercise.

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When someone is really, really angry is telling me their story, I keep a straight face but I can't help mentally laughing my ass off because of their weird facial expressions. Sorry.

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join online argument even though you have no idea what the argument is about

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Looking up 'How to tell if your crush likes you' to get assurance that he/she loves you

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.