when you're texting in class and you realize you are staring at your crotch and smiling.

Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

After reading something from this site, I find myself compelled to try it.

When I see someone who is clearly wealthy, I think to myself "I could do it better than you..."

Drive slow in straightaways and fast through curves, especially sharp ones.

I don't thumb down any submissions because then I am just as bad as the people who thumb down mine

When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

I lift my butt when I'm farting

I suck my shirt without realizing im doing it until people tell me.

Put ear buds in nose, open mouth, instant speaker. If you don't do it try it.

Add numbers on license plates of cars around me while waiting at a light.

What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

When I’ve got something cooking in the microwave, before actually looking to see how much time is left, I try to guess how much time is left; if I’m correct within 3 seconds on the timer, I actually feel a measure of accomplishment.

I meow when my cat meows.

Sometimes when walking, accidently fart and then try to squeak my to sound like my shoes squeaked instead of me farting.

I make a mental note NOT to buy the product or service if I feel they are trying to brainwash me with their ads.

coughing when your having a poo so people know that your on the loo

Picking my nose.

go to the bathroom, turn on the hot water, get undressed so that the water has time to heat up

Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

Wishing you were living in that time when men were still gentlemen. Holds doors, brings flowers, chooses you over job.

while you put your t-shirt on, you get frightened that someone's watching you behind your shirt so you try to put it on as soon as possible.

check shower for murder then pee

If I have to put the garbage out at night I sprint back into the house so the monsters don't get me

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.