Download a new app, and say to myself I'll never stop playing it. Play it for 2 hours and forget about it.

thumb_up thumb_down -95

I wonder if old women enjoy sex?

thumb_up thumb_down -23

I chuckle whenever I hear the phase "Stark raving mad." I don't know why.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

whenever i'm holding a kitchen knife, i feel super weird like i'm gonna stab someone.... its not like i would ever do that, but i think about what would happen if i just impaled the person that is standing near me with a huge knife.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Only read the shortest sentences on "Things You Think Only You Do". More than 2 sentences I skip.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

if im alone and singing to music, i watch myself in the mirror

thumb_up thumb_down +8

expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Being afraid to up-vote the embarrassing posts on this page for fear that it might somehow post onto my Facebook.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

I deeply pick my nose with tweezers. It's like the relief of pooping to me.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

feel that the horsehead network captchas can read my mind. kind of scary.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Force a piss out really hard because you're in a rush.

thumb_up thumb_down -98

My most intimate moments are constantly interrupted by the same thought..."oh, God...what if there is a secret security cam in here...CUT TO: oh God...can my dead grandparents see me now????"

thumb_up thumb_down +130

When you're having a discussion or an argument with someone and you are about to say something important then you completely forget what you were going to say.

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Wait until there is nobody in the bathroom and then fart really really loud. Also I flip my pillow every 10 minutes so my head is on the cold side. (try it some time)

thumb_up thumb_down -59

get embarrassed when someone is in the public bathroom, and your shit makes a splash in the toilet

thumb_up thumb_down -28

When I am bored I look at things and wonder about the people who made them, and at what time they were made, etc. Like whether my Bic pen was made in the morning or the night. Savy.

thumb_up thumb_down -70

Wishing you were living in that time when men were still gentlemen. Holds doors, brings flowers, chooses you over job.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

If I'm trying to read a clock or bulletin from far away, I instinctively stand and point at it.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

When I'm sitting on the toilet, I try to make piss and crap come out at the same time.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Sometimes i think i've been living a dream life, and one day im really gonna wake up in the middle of 9th grade math class and have to explain why i was sleeping on my desk and jerking off so much.

thumb_up thumb_down +124

Before posting a comment when you need several consecutive tries to type the words in the box because the lettering is so damn hard to read. But your friend can do it in one try. He got the easy one.

thumb_up thumb_down -62

misread flashlight

thumb_up thumb_down +68

read some comments here and wonder if people really do that

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.