Eat pizza backwards because the crust isn't as good as the cheese part and I want to get that over with.

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smoke marijuana

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Burp, and then automatically say burp afterwards.

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I have a feeling that life is a Video Game for another Universe. When the player looks at their computer screen, they see what I see. They control everything I do. Like The Sims games. Everyone else is either other players in a multiplayer server, or they are are all fake, computer players.

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When on a boring car ride, add up all the numbers on the licence plates I see.

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Thinking that you're the only person on Earth, and everyone else is there just to affect you.

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When I'm home alone I open random doors to make sure nobodys there

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While playing a video game, narrate it explicitly in your head, e.i., stringing together absurd amounts of obscenities and scream them telepathically at your foes.

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Sometimes at night, I find myself imagining people I know saying my name, trying to get my attention in my head. They won't stop until I respond out loud.

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Archer's Pam poovey, Lana Kane and Malory makes me horny

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Sometimes after a long, hard day or when something bad happens I just sit down and cry in the shower.

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When serving grilled steak, I always make sure I get the best one.

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make those little rectangles with your mouse on the computer get so close that they are together and you cant see them and try to move to the left or right, keeping the lines together so you cant see them.

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Whenever I'm home alone, I dance and sing along to any commercial.

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I don't cut a conversation on the phone short just because I have to use the "facilities". I've mastered the art of being as far away from the toilet while flushing and sprinting out of the bathroom.

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i always wipe the ketchup off my face with the bread of my sandwich

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Wave my hand at automatic doors just as they open pretending that I have Jedi powers

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I like to think I'm a Lion or cat.

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when you're microwaving something and you have to pee, you run to the bathroom. then you run back to see if there is still time left before the "bomb" goes off.

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put a load of loo roll in the loo before taking a dump at work so it silences the landing.

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get a really delicious smelling soap or candle and feel sad when you remember you can't eat it.

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Pretend my ski pole is a gun while I'm on the chair lift. Or just any object around when I'm not skiing.

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Just think about this. I do. What if we are all a character from The Sims and there is someone controlling us as their character and we never really did anything by our own choice. Creepy.

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Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.