When you try to blur eyes and keep them like that when you look around the room.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

misread dig bick

thumb_up thumb_down -40

I stare at people to see if they have a innie or outtie belly button

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Be best friends with someone and tell them all your secrets and then they become best friends with someone else and you hope they won't tell your secrets

thumb_up thumb_down +3

play with a knife and pretend to be a master blade wielder

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

thumb_up thumb_down -83

When I see someone I know walking toward me as I'm walking toward them from a long way away, I pretend I don't see them until we're right on top of each other, then, miraculously discovering them, I smile and say, "Hi".

thumb_up thumb_down +129

My butthole itches, so I fart to scratch it.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Touch something dirty with one hand then wash it but then wash the other hand cause it feels weird when it's not wet like your other hand.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

When I'm riding in a car, i squeeze my toes everytime the car passes a dotted line in the road or when theres a curb

thumb_up thumb_down +82

I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

thumb_up thumb_down -49

I control water in the shower.

thumb_up thumb_down +72

The ability to go one hour back in time by concentrating really hard for two hours.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Things I did when I was little: Slowly close the fridge door to see the light go out before it is closed all of the way. Put the light switch in between "OFF" and "ON". Walked in to a room and forgot why, walked out then remembered. (STILL DO!) Drew the sun in the corner of the paper. Put a flashlight in your mouth to see yourself, "blush".

thumb_up thumb_down +16

When I fart in public, I always pretend that nothing ever happened.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Dramatically narrate everything I do in my head as I do it.

thumb_up thumb_down +110

wake up in the middle of the night and write your dream if you like it. Or just write all night and dont sleep all night for days at a time.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

I DO wish I had the ability of the guy in the comment below me. Moral: Yeah I have to type moral down here, because its awesome and because whatever its awesome!

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Believing in the kindness of strangers

thumb_up thumb_down -60

I imagine myself dying in the worst possible way more than once a day. I don't know...today, I was driving on a bridge and all I could picture was it collapsing and falling onto me, When I'm lying in bed, I imagine my ceiling fan toppling me.

thumb_up thumb_down +280

I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Read things from this page and think to self: "Thank God, I thought I was the only one."

thumb_up thumb_down +13

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.