When i'm done sleeping, I wake up.

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go on a diet, buy a lot of healthy food, eat it all the same day. 2 weeks later repeat.

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When light goes off and cant see digital clock numbers when you are trying to sleep/wake up, i scream and get terrified because i think i got blind

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I pee on the bathroom sink everytime, because I am lazy to open the toilet, even when I visit other people, sorry friends and family =)

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I randomly hold my boobs in my room.

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Think of numbers as male or female.

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I talk to myself when I'm alone

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Wash my hands after i use the toilet.

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Love the natural smell of my dog's paws.

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wipe all the water off my body (predrying myself) before i get out of the shower, and dry myself with the towel

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When I see myself in the mirror, I have to make a funny face just to make sure my face still works.

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Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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i absolutely hate the number nine, and when i told my brother this i was like "sometimes i wish i could delete the number 9" and hes like "but then youd have 9 numbers" and i was like..... "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

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Get bored of regular porn and watch some bestiality just for the variation.

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Whenever someone dies I try to guess who will die next so I wont be as shocked

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daydream/pretend i'm in a story. pretend to be a new person in a movie where all the cool main characters are my friends, add to the movie with my own story and add twists and make it my own.

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I have an irrational fear of automatic flushing toilets.

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Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

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After masterbating, I wonder if my dead relatives can just see what I did?

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Wish that Mexicans would go to their OWN country and stop living tax free in OURS.

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Nero the clit collector. What+ you never collected stamps, coins or something? YOUR CRIMES! WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES FOR FUCKlNG CRIMES SAKE ETC.

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I use my magic powers to give shaddy politicians their comeuppance (I don't have any magic powers lol)

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when i realise for example that my shoes are stinking i get really paranoid and try to cover them under the table or something because i feel that everyone is thinking about it or is covering their nose or stuff

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after a shower, try to shake the water off.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.