when I take a big dump I turn around to see how big it is

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think your hitting your leg on a chair or desk, really someones foot

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Hold your breath when you go in bridge tunnels and compete against your friends to see who can last longer.

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Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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I only make the tv volume in multiples of 5.

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twirl your penis in a cirlce and make the woo woo sound

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Clenching my fists, imagining I have wolverine claws coming out of my knuckles

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Check the lint filter on the dryer every time I walk into the laundry room.

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Sometimes, I skim through the Terms of Service just to make sure I'm not selling my soul or promising my first-born.

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when i'm in the shower and i close my eyes, i thnk something's gonna be there to scare me when i open my eyes again.

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The only time I seem to look at the clock is when the numbers read my birth date.

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Do math in ur head at night to help you fall asleep.

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When the hero of a movie is drowning I hold my breath to see if I would survive.

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I always feel a little twinge of regret when I see "I have read and agree to the Terms of Service," because I know it's a lie.

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Turn the Microwave off at 1 second

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Rereading a text message 25 times before you send it to make sure it makes sense.

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Meet a really cool girl imagine the rest of my life with her.

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Not being able to balance in heels because the insides are smothered in foot sweat. -_-

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Whenever I read creepy pastas and there is a picture after the story I get afraid to look at it than when I do I freak out thinking it's going to eat me. Than when I look at it I shout FUUUUUUU.. Than look at it some more and I burst out laughing seeing its a fucking dumb picture.

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getting a random wedgie when everybody is looking at me

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Get really annoyed when something interrupts your yawn... then try and force yourself to complete the yawn

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Skip peeing before bed because you dont feel like it, knowing that in about 15 minutes youre going to have to get back up because you wont be able to fall asleep until you go pee.

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eat the muffin bottom because it isn't as good as the top and i want to get it over with

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.