I have seen a UFO

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I use my phone's auto-correct to make sure the words I'm writing are correct.

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I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

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sometimes when i see a cop cruising around i try and act suspicious to see if they pull me over.

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Whenever I hear someone say a word in a way that I like, I repeat it.

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My parents are annoying.

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When Im going to sleep , I try to think of good things so I wont think of scary things

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Write b as d and d as b or p as q and q as p. I mostly write b as d and d as b since I've learned the alphabet. Trying not to do that now

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When you have a stuffy nose, and you put tissue in one nostril so you can breathe.

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I flick through the channels on my TV really fast to try and make a complete sentence.

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I sometimes rub my scalp rapidly and watch my dandruff fall down like snow.

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think that the NSA is always watching what you do online at any time you are even connected.

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I make different scenarios for different songs I listen to. I pretend the walls and couches are people. I talk to them.

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After reading something from this site, I find myself compelled to try it.

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Happy April 28th everyone! Today is the first day of the rest of your lives, a time for new beginnings to run wild, a time to put a final ending to the past mistakes and troubling thoughts that may have been clouding your mind for far too long until now... The time is here, The time is now, Today is the day, Right here, right now, Right this moment, This is the right time... This, IS THE TIME TO DECIDE... To take time to make time, and let time pass by while you try to decide on how you wanna live your life? Falling into the same patterns as time before, and as will be, time after time? OR, simply, you can choose to LIVE... letting yourself have the time of YOUR LIFE!!! =) The choice is yours, what will you decide??? <3

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I wonder if old women enjoy sex?

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sometimes when I listen to a song while riding in the car I look out the window and pretend I'm in some angsty music video

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Leave the television on in my room when I go to bed, so I have some light and I can't hear all the creepy sounds that houses make.

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When I tell human garbage that I am the Fallen Angel, they laugh at me, then I make them spontaneously combust. Moral: What moral whore?

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calling someone and it rings so long you forget who your calling and when they answer you have to look at your caller i.d to remember.

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Force a piss out really hard because you're in a rush.

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Every new years eve I like to watch the date on my computer change all three the day, the month, and the year

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Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

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Opening the fridge door, then trying to accomplish pouring a drink, before the door seals itself forever leaving the cola to the mercy of the outside world.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.