start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

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Wish I could hang out with some people from this site sometimes.

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When you get out of the shower and you're too lazy to get dressed, so you just hang around in a towel.

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jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

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I let everyone know I'm a lesbian as soon as I meet them, ('cause I wouldn't want to continue talking to someone who hates gays).

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When I'm in a hurry I brush my teeth while peeing because I think it saves time.

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When I forget to brush my teeth, scrape off the plaque on my teeth with my fingernail.

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I wonder if things are there because I see it and if I was not there to see it would it disappear?

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If someone asks me if I want something and they get up to get it and im sitting down, I say " oh I can get it" eventhough they are already up just to not seem like a lazy piece of shit

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Apologizing to things when I drop them and feeling stupid afterwards

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you turn the dial on your microwave until it reaches as far as it can go

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Rinse off salted nuts before eating them

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How many times is it okay to say "what" before just nodding and smiling?

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When you can't use your hand to push a door, kick it and say "THIS IS SPARTA!!!"

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if i put my shirt on backwards, instead of taking my shirt off and putting it on right, i pull my arms in and just spin my shirt.

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I daydream about what would happen if my phone rang in public and I had a ringtone of a cool song and what people think about the song and if they think I'm cool for it, or if they see some sort of symbolic meaning in the song. I do this while pacing around my room listening to the song. I think about what people I know would think about certain lyrics in the song. I do this all the time.

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Whenever I finish reading a book, I feel a great sense of achievement.

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Surfing nsfw subreddit at work

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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after having a hot shower I sometimes just sit in my room wearing just a towel

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I tend to ignore phone calls, even when I know the phone call could be important.

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When peeing at a urinal, move my stream back and forth the coat as much of the wall as I can.

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Have to take the phone with you everytime to the bathroom

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When you have a stuffy nose, and you put tissue in one nostril so you can breathe.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.