Cover myself in Vaseline and cry in the dark for 4, maybe 5 hours with or without a wooden splintery dildo in my arse.

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When ever a door is about to close I always try to put my hand between the door and stop it, but it gets to small and I get scared.

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While walking past someone thats wearing sunglasses you stare at them and wonder if there staring a t you aswell

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Sit on the back of the commode when at work to give yourself an impromptu break.

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I'll sing nice and loud in the shower and wonder why I haven't come out with an album yet

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hallo

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When you accidentally mess up a password, delete the entire thing and redo it since you don't know which part you messed up.

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I am a masculine guy but in private I listen to very sensitive songs. ie: careless wispers

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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My daily agenda: wake up take a crap get out of bed...

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When a room is dark and the light is really far away, I close my eyes to feel my way to the lamp.

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wish you looked like either Kellan Lutz or Bradley Cooper! I wish magic existed now.

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make sure you hit every crack in the sidewalk evenly. slowly over time, you discover that you found an awkward walking pace to match the obsession.

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Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

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Take advantage of loud traffic to fart really hard.

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Hit the off button on the microwave three times to simulate the sound it makes when time is up.

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I have tried jumping in an airplane to see if I fall in the same spot

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When I go to the shops I like to park my car next to a specific coloured car so I can find it afterwards.

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like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

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Accidently send an empty text or text multiple people and send wrong text to wrong person

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I approach balcony ledges with my feet firmly planted, just in case a random person decides to come pick me up and throw me off the balcony.

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When I'm laying in bed and I feel my heartbeat, I turn around so I can't feel it because it makes me feel sick.

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You feel compelled to stab someone in the face... But you don't since you know its wrong. Instead you play violent video games to get it off your mind.

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When I walk from one room to the next, I make believe that the room I just left exploded, and that I made it out just in time.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.