I prefer to masturbate by putting a fleshlight under my stuffed-toy smurfette's dress and pretend to smurf her.

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I very carefully smell what I'm about to eat before I eat it, but I'd most likely eat it, even if I hadn't smelled it first.

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Sometimes I make awkward eye contact with strangers. And I quickly look away. And then I look back. And then look away again. And I keep being compelled to stare awkwardly at the random stranger for no reason.

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I plan to put money away everyday but never seem to do it.

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sometimes playing on music on your iPod you think people will like even though you're wearing headphones and nobody can hear you

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Vigorously scratch my head over a black surface and watch the dandruff fall like snowflakes....then eat it.

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I pick my nose n eat it. I love the hard ones

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On YouTube, if someone comments a time in the video (or in the description) I always click it for fun, even if it doesn't work. Like if someone comments "it's 4:12 right now" on a 2 minute video I click the link.

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Get somewhat worried about myself if I'm thumbed down on THIS SITE.

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When buying anything - a book, pint of milk, food, pen - will go to put down the first one you picked up to find a newer one.... Then feel really bad for the other one you put down and go back to that one so it doesn't feel hurt.

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when I have to shred important documents I am still not satisfied that I even burn the shredded paper

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When watching a heavy action movie and you suddenly start thinking about how much it would cost to repair the damages made in the movie.

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I'm so afraid of using words incorrectly that I look up any word I'm not sure that I'm using properly before typing it into wherever I'll use it. If the definition is too vague, I abandon the word and try something else.

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Two minutes after I text the person I like, I check the message to see what time I sent it and what time the person received it, and estimate that it takes the adverage person about a minute to respond and then another minute for you to receive it. so really, if the person likes you, it would take them about 3 minutes to respond. if its five, you automatically assume they hate you.

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Accidentally scratching a surface and then scratching it again with the tops of your fingernails to even it out.

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Feeling guilty for something you haven't done.

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when you are you a self flushing urinal/toilet you think it is a tiny camera and think someone is watching you so you rush to finish using the bathroom

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I gotta get down of Friday

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i answer "why" to questions and then when someone gets pissed i say "when" Hey Jim, how's Mary? Why? Because she's your sister and I care about you. Why? Because you're my best friend. Why? STOP IT! When?

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sitting in your room at night and making imagineary monters or random figures out of things in your room.

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when im on my phone in bed my phone always falls on my face -.-

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I try to sympathize when some celebrity butthole has problems but, I can't.

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I drive in the car then suddenly awake from a day dream and realize ive driven for the last 4 miles with no recollection of the journey.

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when you pick up something you think is going to be heavy and its like you suddenly have super strength

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.