I enjoy my company, I love myself, which is contagious, people around me enjoy my company, and love themselves. Moral: Thumb me down and prove you are a sad fuck TODAY!

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If someone asks me if I want something and they get up to get it and im sitting down, I say " oh I can get it" eventhough they are already up just to not seem like a lazy piece of shit

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Check the lint filter on the dryer every time I walk into the laundry room.

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Pretend to cough in class so other people could pretend to cough

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Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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I sometimes rub my scalp rapidly and watch my dandruff fall down like snow.

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Kill Jb without getting aressted.

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Am i the only one who noticed that the title of this page has a grammatical error?

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Sometimes I put on my running shoes to make myself feel like I worked out but I really didn't.

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When I'm walking I pretend that I'm staying in the same place and moving the world beneath me.

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play with a laser pointer and pretend its a lightsaber

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Act like your on a cooking tv show when your cooking

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I never read the terms and conditions but I say I have

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At any time of day, when i'm not busy, someone you know pops into your head and you start talking to them telepathically, but not for long, then you realise that youre just plain crazy? anyone?

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blow nose. look at kleenex.

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Lick my cell phone screen to clean it.

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Praying to God even though you tell people you're an Atheist.

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Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

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Breathe.

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Closed the door to the refrigerator super slow, just to watch the light turn off.

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When your alone in the house you walk around naked even though there is no point

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I brush my teeth in the shower and use the shower for a waterpik.

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Hot in bed? Stick one leg out and then wrap it around the top of the duvet

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Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.