How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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if your listening to music, move the volume up and down to experience the bass a lil better

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RE:" pee on the side of the toilet" you dont pee on the side of the toilet so it isn't loud. you pee on the side so it doesn't splash on you're legs as much.

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When using the bathroom count the tiles on the floor or shower wall or read a shampoo bottle.

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Think that my ice tastes different than my water.

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Waste time looking all over for something and notice it is right where it should be.

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Being so socially awkward that when you have a successful interaction with another human being, you play it in your head over and over again.

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whenever I lost a tooth my parents would while I slept they would sprinkle caster sugar on the window sill and make footprints in it (tiny footprints)

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When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

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kick something under the fridge that you dont want to pick up

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Walk out of movie thinking that I would be like them some day.

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Liking the smell of your fart and Poo and denying it to people.

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Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

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When calling someone you hang up after 3 or 4 rings because you're tired of waiting rather than it being time to leave a message.

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I kill Solid Snake and masturbate when the Game over screen keeps screaming for my own "snake" "Snake answer me! Snake SNAAAKE!" Me: Answer coming right up and out any moment now! fapfapfap

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I use my magic powers to give shaddy politicians their comeuppance (I don't have any magic powers lol)

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Slowly close the fridge door to see when the light bulb turns off.

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Sometimes I think of doing really bad things and smirk, only to later regret even thinking of it and start questioning myself while feeling bad about it.

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When I was younger I would image a band that played the songs on the radio that was strapped to the roof of the car during long car rides.

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give speeches in the sower for random awards you will never receive.

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Always fantasize about grabbing a cop's gun from his holster. Just because I am pretty sure I could.

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When I'm home alone at night, and the lights are on so you can't see anything out the windows, I will stop randomly and stare out the window to make anyone watching me think I know that they are there.

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I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

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open the fridge A eat food B think

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.