For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Make little rectangles on your desktop when waiting for something to load...

thumb_up thumb_down +1,097

i pretend to have the ability of telekinesis and move things around my house , garden, playground...

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Drink a huge amount of water only for the pleasure of having your stomach filled with it.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Feel like you sing wonderfully when you are alone, but feel like you sing horribly in front of others.

thumb_up thumb_down +102

In the shower i let water run down my hands so it looks like i'm shooting water out of my fingers.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Watching a movie with bugs in it and instantly feeling that shivery 'holy sh*t there are bugs on me' feeling.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because fuck the NSA.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

When something funny happens think of it a couple days later than laugh,everyone then looks at me weirdly.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

i leave tv on when i sleep...cant close it cause i hate to hear....noices...in my bedroom that cant identify......

thumb_up thumb_down -13

When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

I tilt my head back and eat grapes pretending like im a greek god

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Fart when i'm alone RIGHT before someone walks in... try to talk over the smell...

thumb_up thumb_down +28

When I'm alone I occasionally like to give a little hump to the air. Not for sexual reasons or anything, just because it feels right.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Close the Facebook page, after not having a single message in hours, and re open it in a minute, expecting numerous new messages......

thumb_up thumb_down -59

I carry more money in my wallet than it appears, I just tuck some away because I think that if I can't see it and have to go through the trouble to get it out- then I won't spend it.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

I have mixed emotions when I drop a piece of food on the ground, like a chicken nugget, M&M, scoop of ice cream, etc - because part of me thinks it is sad because its only goal in life was to be eaten... but then the other part of me is happy for it, because it is possible that it *didn't* want to be eaten and has just made a successful escape. O_o

thumb_up thumb_down -17

When I'm listening to my ipod on a road trip I look out the window longingly and pretend to be in a music video

thumb_up thumb_down +637

When approaching a stoplight, I evaluate the vehicles in front of me to determine which ones I think will take off faster so I can get behind them.

thumb_up thumb_down -59

When i'm in the front passenger seat, I still move my foot like im the one driving...

thumb_up thumb_down -15

try as hard as possible to not use the last of the toilet paper so you don't have to change the roll and inadvertently force someone else to do it.

thumb_up thumb_down -84

When im in a room alone on the computer i like to put on songs and lip sync to them in the mirror with really emotional expressions..

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Constantly look at all clocks when the minute hand/digit reads '11'

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.