Show up for a blind date and say DAMN, WTF! When they open the door.

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(I have made this mistake mostly when I'm at the movies) When the cashier gives me the ticket and says enjoy the movie because I am so used to people saying have a nice day I say you too!(FACE PALM)

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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slow down in front of automatic doors thinking they won't open and then rushing through when they do so you don't look stupid

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When I'm in the shower i let the water run off my arms and fingers and pretend I'm a giant god of water sending torrents to the miniature people below.

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I daydream and consequently spend twenty minutes having a dump

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Swirling your hair through your hair while something is loading.

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Use more toilet paper than you need, just because you feel like it cleans your ass more.

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when you say something and they go what? so you repeat it and they still didn't hear but once you say "forget it" they suddenly understood you perfectly.

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When i'm home, I pretend i'm famous!

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Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

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I want to hire a private investigator to follow a private investigator who was hired to follow the first investigator.

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Sometimes I'll think about something that's so weird nobody would ever do it, and then i figure there's a big chance somebody did it at least once in history.

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I thought I was disgusting until I read the top voted things here. Floral: Actually pretty neat.

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When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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Sometimes I wonder if every thing is real or just fantasy and I get really scared,creeped,depressed,and Anxious

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my favorite singer is Bles Bridges 22/07/1947-24/03/2000

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when i piss in the toilet, i flush half way through and race the toilet to the finish.

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Imagining a friend can see everything you do during the day through telepathy.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Whenever someone enters a pin number I always try to see how many number I can remember

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Never write LOL on a text message, because you don't want to sound too extreme

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Think you looked good the whole day, then come home and realize you were a hot mess and nobody told you

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.