When leaving your basement, become increasingly conscious of how you are scared of something getting you. SPRINT UP STAIRS.

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Get somewhat worried about myself if I'm thumbed down on THIS SITE.

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I'll imagine that I'm having a conversation with a celebrity, and either giving them advice or telling them why I hate them and calling them out on bullshit.

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click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

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mentally scolding yourself for thinking something dirty just in case the person you're thinking about can read your thoughts

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Think something that you REALLY don't want to think and hurriedly force your mind to change its thoughts.

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Pick my nose with my elbow, that way I keep my nails clean.

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When I'm home alone I open random doors to make sure nobodys there

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When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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I like to poo while smoking.

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when i am in a long car ride i look out the window and imagine im in a sad music video

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When I'm watching something interesting on TV, sometimes i realize they I'm making a weird face so i make sure that i make my face go back to its normal position. This way, my face won't get stuck like that

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sometimes when i see a cop cruising around i try and act suspicious to see if they pull me over.

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LOG OFF OF ICHAT BECAUSE THE PERSON U WERE JUST TALKING TO WENT OFFLINE.

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Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

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Doing a little dance after having sex because your so proud you're a FATHER!!! - Uncle Jerrett

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only read the short jokes on this website

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When no one's at home, the house turns into an action movie set. Going to my room turns into sprinting up the stairs and purposely stumbling to give the effect that bombs are going off. And always make it to the room in time to hop on the last helicopter out of the jungle.

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singing along to a song that you think you know the words to.. but you dont

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Get sharp pains in your chest whenever you're watching or reading a sex scene.

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When I'm listening to my ipod on a road trip I look out the window longingly and pretend to be in a music video

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while I am sitting on the toilet I play with it and waste the toilet paper and of course i just keep flushing it

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When I was younger I would image a band that played the songs on the radio that was strapped to the roof of the car during long car rides.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.