When taking a shit, I get freaked out in case I get teleported to a place with lots of people by a scientist from the future or something.

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Pronounce hors d'oeuvres 'whores-dev-ers' thinking I'm so witty.

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as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

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get a really delicious smelling soap or candle and feel sad when you remember you can't eat it.

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Teacher asks class a question, so I put my head down and pretend to take notes.

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I can't help spitting into the toilet when I piss, let it drop out my mouth and hit the water to see if I can get it in the center.

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did you notice if you travel: when your going to the place feels like 10 hours but when going home feels like 4 hours

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pretend your on the phone talking to someone to make you look like you not a loner

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I like to food shop between midnight and 5 am

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Feel like you sing wonderfully when you are alone, but feel like you sing horribly in front of others.

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sometimes, i smell my own farts.

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Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

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I'm a female. Sometimes I pee in the shower just so that I can try to aim my pee at the drain. This way I can imagine what it's like to pee with a doodle.

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Imagine that other people see colors different from me and if i had their brain i would see it like them

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If there's leaves on the ground and the wind picks it up and makes like swirls I put my arms out to make it seem I'm controlling the swirls.

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I masturbate with sandpaper

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When i want to write a joke on anti jokes.com i laugh at my friends instead!

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Get soo scared in the shower when your home alone that you are scared to open the curtain just incase somebody is out tthere

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listening to music and not realizing ur favorite song is on until the last word

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get happy as sh*t when you remember your homework is do after your lunch period so you can do it then, but never end up doing it.

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when i eat, i sometimes switch which side of my mouth i chew my food with to even it out.

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I would try to make my pencil shavings as long as possible.

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Sometimes I look at a digital clock and try to force the numbers to change with the power of my mind.

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When approaching a stoplight, I evaluate the vehicles in front of me to determine which ones I think will take off faster so I can get behind them.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.