I plant my feet firmly when the subway approaches in case a random stranger tries to kill me by pushing me in front of the train.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

On a calendar search for the picture on your birthday month

thumb_up thumb_down -19

When im out with my dad in the car i swear traffic lights always seem to go to red when were coming

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Laugh when something happens to someone, but when the exact same happens to you, you say "Its not funny"

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Thinking about what you want to dream about while brushing your teeth at night.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

I have memorized most commercials and recite them when they come on the tv.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

look at old toys from when you were a kid and remember how they taste.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

sometimes I can be really tired but when I go to bed I lie there for hours awake

thumb_up thumb_down -28

I have autofocus in my eyes.

thumb_up thumb_down -65

stare at someones face until they distort and then wonder why they are asking me why I'm smiling.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

laziness .... its all in the mind

thumb_up thumb_down -76

im going to rape that girl

thumb_up thumb_down -109

only feel the need to click one of the related sites that draws you after youve clicked 'next page'

thumb_up thumb_down -43

I freak myself out during class/assembly/family dinners that someone there can read my mind, then just on cue I start thinking about sex and have to change my train of thought before they think I'm strange. Then I go round in a circle (clockwise of course) and scream their names in my head to see if they look so I know who reads minds.

thumb_up thumb_down +250

I can't help spitting into the toilet when I piss, let it drop out my mouth and hit the water to see if I can get it in the center.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Waking up from a dream that you thought was real life, and thinking,man i wish that was real...

thumb_up thumb_down +1,511

Walk out of movie thinking that I would be like them some day.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

imagine shooting lasers out from the car and bouncing them of walls and back to the car

thumb_up thumb_down -78

Sit there with my hand just resting down my pants casually when I'm alone. It's comfy!

thumb_up thumb_down +997

I only used to eat McCoys Salt & Vinegar crisps when it was raining, because I thought they tasted better when it rains. Anyone else?

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Thinking of something but got distracted for a few seconds. After that, I forgot what was I thinking about.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Popping your finger in your bellybutton, and then smelling it. You secretly like the cheesy smell.

thumb_up thumb_down +1,487

When walking on stairs, always counting how many of them there are.

thumb_up thumb_down -68

While spending the night drinking with my spouse at home, i put a diaper on so i don't have to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes. I also change it for a fresh one when i go to bed.

thumb_up thumb_down +1,934

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.