When you're lying in bed and you fart, you pull the covers over your head to smell it.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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When you're chatting with a friend while you're walking around and not really paying attention then you turn around to took at your friend and you realise you've been talking to someone you don't even know the entire time.

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Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

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i always fall in my imaginations. whenever i think of something, e.g me walking to my room, i'd fall on my way there. what's wrong with me.....

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Set Fire to the Rain

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Realized with 7 billion people, there is a chance that someone else on earth is doing exactly the same thing as me at any given time.

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act like people from movies or shows just because my life is that boring

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I laugh easier when im with someone

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I think Frozen is an overrated film

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Look at my poop before flushing

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i get an headache when i each cheese. but i don't get one when i have pizza or cheese and onion crisps

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Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

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Whenever you are in a quiet room and are trying to eat a food that is very loud to chew (like chips) you try to chew slowly or alter your chewing style so noone will think your too loud

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I wonder what a baby is saying when they are telling you off?

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When I have headphones in, I wonder if my swallowing is extremely loud for everyone else too.

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At night, everytime when i walk past that curtain lampost, it goes off.

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If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

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Think that a movie is shorter after you watch it once or twice

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Boy:did it hurt? Me: Did what hurt? Boy:When you fell from heaven. Me: I came frome the pits of hell! Boy: Well then...O__O

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Always have your feet under the cover, and if not, you think that something will get you.

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When having a flog in the shower I keep checking the door to make sure noone walks in

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Listening to romantic hollywood sad core and feeling depressed because your single.

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Wipe my hands on a cold glass to clean my hands

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.