when I'm lying in bed and I really have to fart, I lift up the blanket, stick my ass out and fart into the night air to keep the stench out of my bed

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When you stop to tie you shoe, you re-tie the other so one isnt tighter than the other.

When I make croissants from the Pillsbury can, I'll take one of the little triangles and eat it, because I like the consistency of dough, and i like the fizzy feeling of the yeast on my tongue.

seeing small spots in your eye (dust probably) and then chasing them with your eye trying to catch them

Write a post and then find that someone else has already said it, but in a different way...wtf I'm really annoyed. And they have more likes too.

I stick one foot out of my blanket so I'm not hot or cold.

I Masturbate Daily.

Wonder if I have a twin across the world and he makes all the opposite decisions.

If I'm in my room and I need to fart, I walk into someone else's room and fart in there so that my room doesn't stink up.

Wish you could delete a post if it gets thumbs down

I plant my feet firmly when the subway approaches in case a random stranger tries to kill me by pushing me in front of the train.

When I wipe after taking a poo I always get excited when there is no extra poo to be wiped off...yea...don't judge

A bee flies into your classroom and you're too terrified to focus on anything else.

I really enjoy self-pity.

Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

RAPE CHILDREN

in my eyes all my friends have an easier life than myself. their exams are easier, their teacher are cooler...

Contract my gluteus maximus while sitting for a long time to feel more comfortable.

Seperate your food on you dinner plate

from now on in gonna eat healthier! *seeing chocolate* hm... okay i'll make an exemption today but from TOMORROW on!!!

I wipe the part of the glass or water bottle i drink from

when you bleed you suck your own blood

I'm in the middle of a good dream but I wake up and try to go back to sleep to finish it when it never happens.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.