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When telemarketers call I speak Afrikaans to them until they hang up

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trip over nothing. break into spontaneous dancing.

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Run up all stairs two at a time, and memorize all the staircases with odd number of steps. On those, I start with one step so I can end on a two.

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get under the covers and curl up into a ball to get warm really fast

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Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

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Sometimes while texting or messaging, I enact the physical gestures that accompany what I'm saying as if it were an in-person conversation, even though no one can see me.

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I wonder if old women enjoy sex?

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Put ear buds in nose, open mouth, instant speaker. If you don't do it try it.

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I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

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Love feet. like LOVE feet.

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Inspect the shower, bath or toilet, then washing it until you believe it is suitable to use.

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When they say the name of the movie in the movie i get excited o.O

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Force a piss out really hard because you're in a rush.

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When im going from one room to the next, i try and get into the other room before the door to the last room closes. If i do, I've won.

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Get random feelings of nausea and/or dizziness for no apparent reason.

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I have an irrational fear of automatic flushing toilets.

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Every time you use a vending machine you hope you get lucky and 2 things drop down.

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sometimes when im in the shower and i hear the slightest bump i look behind the curtains to see if anyone is about to scare me

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turn the cover of a magazine around because i have a weird paranoia that the government slipped in tiny cameras on the eyes of the person in the cover.

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Chewing your chips softer so you can hear the tv

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I'm so used to pooping with my phone that everytime I forget it I take less than 5 minutes, versus the usual 26.

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When riding in a car I pump my arms to pretend I'm running at an incredible rate.

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Turn shower water all the way up hot before getting out because it feels good

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.