Think something that you REALLY don't want to think and hurriedly force your mind to change its thoughts.

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I have a feeling that life is a Video Game for another Universe. When the player looks at their computer screen, they see what I see. They control everything I do. Like The Sims games. Everyone else is either other players in a multiplayer server, or they are are all fake, computer players.

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Sometimes I kiss my hand and pretend it's a person I like.

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Check an insane amount of times to see if the door is locked, then finally get back to jerking off.

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Wonder what I would have said to my dad if I knew he was going to die

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When you know your alone, you still have to check the whole house.

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When I'm over at my friends house and they get in a fight with their sibling, I just pet their dog.

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when you read a post that you don't do then start doing it

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Pee in the shower.

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Constantly check your post on here to see if other people give it a response.

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putting your hand in the water in the back of the toilet and thinking its gross toilet water and get grossed out

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Feel the bed gets more comfortable the longer you put off getting into bed.

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If I have a black surface I scratch my dandruff onto and make a dandruff galaxy.

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Assume that on another planet or galaxy there are people just like humans that look exactly like me. Like an alternate universe.

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when someone goes underwater in a movie I like to hold my breath and see if I would have survived in that situation, I almost died during Finding Nemo

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get really confused

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Saying something stupid and then claiming it was an inside joke so you don't look stupid.

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Have a dream with horribly unfortunate events (like having an amputation or being in prison) waking up from said dream and saying something like, "Good thing that was a dream, don't know what I'd do if that was real"

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Pretend that i don't care about my birthday when i actually can't wait to see what present people will get me and get terribly excited everytime someone text me

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Moisturize "down there" after a really drying wipe session.

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Try to balance the light switch between on and off.

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Do a little half laugh, then when someone looks at you, you realise that it wasn't even funny so you pretend to be clearing your throat.

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Open the microwave at 1 second left to pretend you're on a bomb squad.

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Try to time the traffic light so that when I snap, my light turns green. Always so so close.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.