Whenever there is a volume button on something i have to make sure its on a number 5 ie: 0,5,10,15

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When walking into a smelly bathroom, hold your breath so you don't have to breathe in the poo air.

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Have to suddenly poop while shopping (mainly in Wal-Mart), but don't feel like traveling far to the restroom. So I kneel down in whatever aisle I'm in, casually shove my heel up my butt, and pick up some random item from the shelf and pretend to be interested in it. Finally, when the poop is secure in my butt, I'll put the item back and continue my shopping.

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I lift my butt when I'm farting

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I no longer trust any of my local news because they appear to have an agenda

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i answer "why" to questions and then when someone gets pissed i say "when" Hey Jim, how's Mary? Why? Because she's your sister and I care about you. Why? Because you're my best friend. Why? STOP IT! When?

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I can't help but wonder why people write things on web sites and don't bother checking their spelling. Now they look like an idiot no matter how funny or interesting it might have been.

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get annoyed when the pop-up lid on the dish soap bottle is left up

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Leftovers are better than the actual meal ;)

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When the good guy in a movie is in a bad situation, I imagine myself doing something different that seems more legit.

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masturbate quietly in my room.

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Listen to song and think of a great montage that would go with it.

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Realizes there is less toilet paper than first thought. Hobbles across bathroom to find more. Failure. Take shower.

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Before drinking the actual soft drink, I drink the fizz as fast as I can.

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Walking with your friend talking about everything then you and your friend walk by someone you don't know and it gets awkwardly quiet

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do things without turning the lights on and feel like a ninja.

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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when you mouth words (but saying them out loud) when someone can't hear you

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Mayada stupid

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I sleep in my underpants every single night

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Sometimes there is a hair in my butt and then I pull it slowly out. And it feels funny.

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Scroll aimlessly through the posts on this website and for some reason, creepily stop and check the comments on the one that has the word "boobs" in it.

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jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

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I have had a dream where my teeth fall out.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.