Writing d as b and b as d or p as q

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sometimes when i see a cop cruising around i try and act suspicious to see if they pull me over.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Run up all stairs two at a time, and memorize all the staircases with odd number of steps. On those, I start with one step so I can end on a two.

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i want to FAWK the SHYT out of that girl

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Seeing someone gettin roasted for something and then making sure you dont do the same thing.

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I save my files as "askjaskjaks" because I'm too lazy to give them a proper name.

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Sometimes after a long, hard day or when something bad happens I just sit down and cry in the shower.

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When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

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pick leaves of bushes while im walking and rip them up into small pieces

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Sleeping with one leg under the blanket and one out.

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strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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Whenever on a car ride, pretend you are in a military convoy and shoot at pursuing helicopters and soldiers.

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You take showers on school morning because you like to stand there under the hot water just thinking about life while your warm

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Doing something, and someone asks you what you're doing, and you realize you can't remember. Then they walk off and the instant they're gone, you remember.

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Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

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Change my music to something cooler than the song im listening to when i pass by other kids my age

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when you bleed you suck your own blood

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I hit the frig after sex

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Look at my poop before flushing

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forget i left the light on somewhere in the house and when i see it on i think a ghost did it..

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Look at restaurant signs and realize the font isnt as fancy as you once thought

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.