Everytime my sibling starts a sentance with "I remember when","I have an idea"etc.,I get up and walk out.

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When i want to write a joke on anti jokes.com i laugh at my friends instead!

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Wait until my friends are done eating lunch so I don't have to dump my tray alone.

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I lay in bed at night with my eyes closed but not asleep,and my mind will tell me that thier is someone standing by my bed,i will think and say to myself,im not looking because thats ridiculous. Then after a 30 seconds pause,have a quick peep.

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Think that a movie is shorter after you watch it once or twice

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I don't read the terms of service.

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when i piss in the toilet, i flush half way through and race the toilet to the finish.

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Find yourself alone at a party/gathering of some sort... Pretend to send a text to make people think you're not a loner.

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When you're scared of the bathroom and you close your eyes you quickly look around to check if there's a monster or something in the mirror

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When I'm in a place with two different colored tiles, I only step on the colored ones and pretend the white ones are lava or off-limits.

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pee in my pants on purpose for the fun of it

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smell your socks cause you like the smell of your own sweat

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When leaving a poop smear under the water in the toilet that doesn't get flushed away, I put a few pieces of toilet paper on the water surface to conceal it.

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Listening to music walking through town and feeling like you're in a music video

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you turn the dial on your microwave until it reaches as far as it can go

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I feel bad for not reading the terms of service on a website, because someone had to put a lot of effort into that.

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When I'm home alone at night, and the lights are on so you can't see anything out the windows, I will stop randomly and stare out the window to make anyone watching me think I know that they are there.

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write a test and the information i studied most is not on the test

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If I'm walking in the mall and realize I'm going in the wrong direction, I can't just double back, 'cause everyone would think I'm dumb for going in the wrong direction. Instead, I perform a slow U-turn to the other side of the walkway; either that or pretend to get an important text/phone call that forces me to do the quick turnaround. SAVE!

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Find a really good joke on the internet and pretend you came up with it to make your friends think you're funny

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Randomly agree for the Terms of Service for just about everything on the internet. Then becoming very frightened at the thought that you have violated them in some way.

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When you can feel yourself blushing so you pretend to be preoccupied with something else.

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Take nibbles whenever you get to the last piece of your burger to make it last longer.

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See a ridiculously hot girl and wonder to myself "who is the guy who gets to have sex with her. And why does she like him?" As if that can help me bag an equally hotter girl.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.