I masturbate evenly with both hands so that my penis doesn't become crooked.

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Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

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When I'm watching something or playing something and the character goes underwater, I hold my breath until the character reaches the surface. This is weird as hell, does anyone else do this?

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R A P E Children

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When listening to music via headphones in public, I become paranoid that I am bothering everyone around me as my breathing becomes louder without me realising.

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when I have an itch on my hand I scratch it with my stubble

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sitting in your room at night and making imagineary monters or random figures out of things in your room.

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Touching that door knob three times before opening the door.

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I'm really picky about how I earn money

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I HATE minecraft gift codes and the morons who post about them. I wish those morons would get off my planet.

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Brake for tail-gaters

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While driving out in the country area, I am secretly looking for Squatch

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I sit up all night on the computer/xbox then when people ask if i have slept i just lie and say yes to avoid the drama.

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If I'm home alone, I tell myself good night when I am getting cozy in bed. I even use my name.

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sometimes i feel like the person i look at in the mirror is not my own reflection

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When in a room by myself and I hear someone coming to walk into the room I'm in, I feel an overwhelming urge to hide behind the door so they don't see me first.

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Everytime i take of my sweater i start singing "its getting hot in here"

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I can't leave the volume on anything on a odd number.

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"Hey, did you see that new episode last night?" "Yeah!" "Do you remember that part when he ran through the city?" "Yeah!" LIES

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Whenever I send or receive texts, I always make it a point to have more received texts than sent ones. It makes me feel popular.

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When someone enters the room while i'm playing a game, start playing the best song of the game soundtrack so they notice it and think the game has a cool soundtrack.

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Laugh softly when you hear someone else cry

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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you know how everyone talks about making life decisions in the shower and thinking about life?.....yeah thats me on the toilet

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.