When i feel the back of my right hand starting to itch. in a few days, i get some money. When the back of my left hand itches.Some money goes.

thumb_up thumb_down -137

Hatch an escape plan as soon as my date starts to complain about anything.

thumb_up thumb_down -82

I rehearse arguments in my head.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

When I'm walking at night, I put up my hood and grin evilly at passing cars so it'll scare the drivers if they see

thumb_up thumb_down +79

When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Going to sleep during class thinking that you've written down all your notes, until you wake up and realize you did nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

thumb_up thumb_down -19

When in a room with a bunch of people, see the one person who's extremely cute and then get a random boner and think "GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY"

thumb_up thumb_down -26

when u see a blond, brown,black,or red head girl u think of a blond,brown,black or red head joke -Randi L.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

Reading the terms of service :O....

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Set multiple alarms to wake me up in the morning so I dont just turn it off and fall back asleep

thumb_up thumb_down -21

I am sure that no one else has the same mental slowness as me and my brother. When I say mauve he says maeve and we continue like this for hours. It is certainly an exciting way of eating up those motorway miles:)

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Try to balance on and off on the light switch.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

i noticed that a lot of people pronounce "LOL" like roll. Am i the only one that reads it as L. O. L. (el oh el) ????

thumb_up thumb_down -134

I play out romantic scenarios with myself when I'm alone. We're talking full-blown just straight up talking out loud- to myself, of course. It's not that I'm lonely or anything since I did this when I had a boyfriend anyway (just to clarify, it didn't end because of this XD.) I really just feel like doing it because it's really friggin' entertaining. If you've never done it, well... it's basically like being in a really crappy, low budget soap opera, with a plot that doesn't make any damn sense, staring you as every character and the audience. That's basically the only way I could describe it lol.

thumb_up thumb_down -65

when i watch tv and it cuts to break, if i hear someone on the tv tell me not to change the chanel, ill say "u cant tell me what to do!" and then ill change it.

thumb_up thumb_down +249

I don't leave the toilet in a public restroom until the other person leaves, so I don't have to make awkward eye contact.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

When I'm in a hurry I brush my teeth while peeing because I think it saves time.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Lay down in bed and close my eyes and pretend that the bed is slowly levitating towards the ceiling. When I open my eyes, the bed is back on the ground.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

Whenever I go to a new place, I look around and carefully plan my escape route in case of zombies.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

I can't help but wonder why people write things on web sites and don't bother checking their spelling. Now they look like an idiot no matter how funny or interesting it might have been.

thumb_up thumb_down +65

Every time I see a pretty girl,the first thing I think is how I'd love to pin her down and tickle her.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Any time I shop for used clothes, I always have to ask, “Did anybody die in this?” –Ikka

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Try having a conversation with your friends parents but keep saying yeah the whole time

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.