I masturbate evenly with both hands so that my penis doesn't become crooked.

Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

When I'm watching something or playing something and the character goes underwater, I hold my breath until the character reaches the surface. This is weird as hell, does anyone else do this?

R A P E Children

When listening to music via headphones in public, I become paranoid that I am bothering everyone around me as my breathing becomes louder without me realising.

when I have an itch on my hand I scratch it with my stubble

sitting in your room at night and making imagineary monters or random figures out of things in your room.

Touching that door knob three times before opening the door.

I'm really picky about how I earn money

I HATE minecraft gift codes and the morons who post about them. I wish those morons would get off my planet.

Brake for tail-gaters

While driving out in the country area, I am secretly looking for Squatch

I sit up all night on the computer/xbox then when people ask if i have slept i just lie and say yes to avoid the drama.

If I'm home alone, I tell myself good night when I am getting cozy in bed. I even use my name.

sometimes i feel like the person i look at in the mirror is not my own reflection

When in a room by myself and I hear someone coming to walk into the room I'm in, I feel an overwhelming urge to hide behind the door so they don't see me first.

Everytime i take of my sweater i start singing "its getting hot in here"

I can't leave the volume on anything on a odd number.

"Hey, did you see that new episode last night?" "Yeah!" "Do you remember that part when he ran through the city?" "Yeah!" LIES

Whenever I send or receive texts, I always make it a point to have more received texts than sent ones. It makes me feel popular.

When someone enters the room while i'm playing a game, start playing the best song of the game soundtrack so they notice it and think the game has a cool soundtrack.

Laugh softly when you hear someone else cry

I can't piss with my shoes on.

you know how everyone talks about making life decisions in the shower and thinking about life?.....yeah thats me on the toilet

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.