Whenever I send or receive texts, I always make it a point to have more received texts than sent ones. It makes me feel popular.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Saying or doing something stupid, then later replaying it in your head and wanting to punch yourself in the face for it, then coming up with different ideas on how you could have been less stupid. -B

thumb_up thumb_down -133

You do a retarded dance when a song you don't like comes on

thumb_up thumb_down -12

i masturbate with my feet

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Whenever I go to a new place, I look around and carefully plan my escape route in case of zombies.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

clean my ears with finger if they feel dirty...eat it.

thumb_up thumb_down -93

I wake up suddenly in the middle of the night with a feeling that I'm falling

thumb_up thumb_down +24

bounce when your tip toeing.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Hate using public bathrooms because everyone can hear you pee.

thumb_up thumb_down -86

Whenever I slurp from a straw I do it a little bit at a time, slowly and steadily so people don't turn at me and give me an annoyed face.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

whenever I play I spy I always use very specific things I spy for example if I would say something starting with D and it would be for dust

thumb_up thumb_down -86

Pee in the shower.

thumb_up thumb_down -86

Stop at the beginning of an escalator, and let the stairs drag you forward by just your toes.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

You look over the edge of a tall building/structure, and have that sudden urge to jump off.

thumb_up thumb_down

i smoke weed all day.

thumb_up thumb_down -315

When I'm sleeping, I turn and my bed shakes, and I wake up thinking it's an earthquake.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Sometimes I blow my nose on yesterday's socks because it is the closest thing to the bed in the morning and I'm too lazy to get up and go for a tissue. O_o

thumb_up thumb_down -77

When something says "I have read and agree to the terms of service" I quickly skim through it nd act like I read it.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

I only make the tv volume in multiples of 5.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Think of something really hilarious to put on the internet, read the rest of a post, and then forget what you were going to write.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

To my comment below... Rest im peace MJ... Shhh! Mary Jane is resting!

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Invented a special password for yourself in order to recognize yourself if travel through time.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

thumb_up thumb_down -74

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.