Whenever on a car ride, pretend you are in a military convoy and shoot at pursuing helicopters and soldiers.

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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wake up in the middle of the night and write your dream if you like it. Or just write all night and dont sleep all night for days at a time.

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Flush the toilet before peeing to see if I can accomplish peeing before the water flushes away. :)

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get scarred shit less when some one burst though your door when it tacky

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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Pronounce hors d'oeuvres 'horse-dev-ers' thinking I'm so witty.

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When I masturbate I trade hands often in fear that my penis may become crooked.

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When you get in trouble, think of what you could have said or done so you could've gotten away with it.

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use the restroom at a different floor/building when taking a dump at work.

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When I am in a car i always think there is massive swords coming out the edge of the car and make everything the same length up

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Think up a come back three days after it would have been useful.

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1.Open the fridge...nothing to eat :/ 2.Open the cabinet...nothing to eat :/ 3.Lower expectations..and then repeat :)

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whenever someone pulls up beside you in another car, you are fully aware of them, but never look at them, your too cool to care what they look like.

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When winking, I feel as if I have to wink with the other eye to be fair to both eyes.

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When bored you watch the minute hand on a clock and try to see if you can see it move

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Whenever I get in the shower, no matter what, I always have to pee.

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blow nose. look at kleenex.

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Sometimes, when I like something on a certain website and see that someone else on my facebook friend's list likes it as well, I think that they're stalking me.

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Anytime I walk in anyplace with cracks in the ground (tiled floors, cement squares, etc.) I do my best to avoid stepping on cracks in fear of something happening if I do.

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Spend a ton of time on the way you look and the clothes you choose, then going out in public and imagining you're a celeb.

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Wait until my friends are done eating lunch so I don't have to dump my tray alone.

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When I climb into bed every night, I always say, "Bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed," while shifting until I am comfortablely settled.

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I like to eat grilled cheese with ketchup

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.