I have an unhealthy obsession with and so always talk about Penge North Korea beige mauve and medium density fiberboard. This explains why I'm such a popular guy

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Legally changing your name to Peter Jankins just cuz

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Meet a really cool girl imagine the rest of my life with her.

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I feel like I'm superman every time I run by the counter in the kitchen and the papers on it go flying off.

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Think a really Fu**ed up thought in your head, and then get mad at your brain for even coming up with it, and finally trying to think really nice thoughts to make up for it.

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When you trip when your walking you try to play it off like you wanted to start running

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Whenever I send or receive texts, I always make it a point to have more received texts than sent ones. It makes me feel popular.

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Saying or doing something stupid, then later replaying it in your head and wanting to punch yourself in the face for it, then coming up with different ideas on how you could have been less stupid. -B

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You do a retarded dance when a song you don't like comes on

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i masturbate with my feet

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Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

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Whenever I go to a new place, I look around and carefully plan my escape route in case of zombies.

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clean my ears with finger if they feel dirty...eat it.

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I wake up suddenly in the middle of the night with a feeling that I'm falling

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bounce when your tip toeing.

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Hate using public bathrooms because everyone can hear you pee.

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Whenever I slurp from a straw I do it a little bit at a time, slowly and steadily so people don't turn at me and give me an annoyed face.

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whenever I play I spy I always use very specific things I spy for example if I would say something starting with D and it would be for dust

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Stop at the beginning of an escalator, and let the stairs drag you forward by just your toes.

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You look over the edge of a tall building/structure, and have that sudden urge to jump off.

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i smoke weed all day.

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When I'm sleeping, I turn and my bed shakes, and I wake up thinking it's an earthquake.

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Sometimes I blow my nose on yesterday's socks because it is the closest thing to the bed in the morning and I'm too lazy to get up and go for a tissue. O_o

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I only make the tv volume in multiples of 5.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.