If I hear a noise, it obviously means there is a monster somewhere in/near my bedroom and the sheets will protect me as long as they cover up to my chin.

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Whenever someone is making a speech, I imagine them being taken out by a sniper mid-speech...

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If two cars towing boats were to crash into each other, Would that make it a boating accident?

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Sometimes I reflexively say "ouch" when I drop an inanimate object and I'm not even hurt.

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trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

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Eat something to pass the time while I wait for my food in the microwave to be cooked.

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When I'm laying in bed, I make sure that my feet are covered and not hanging off the edge so that monsters don't eat them in my sleep.

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When I'm home alone, I get paranoid and think that someone is watching me and I try to act cool and funny just to impress them.

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when i am in a long car ride i look out the window and imagine im in a sad music video

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When I have headphones in, I wonder if my swallowing is extremely loud for everyone else too.

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eat curry and don't complain about its spiciness ...if you're not white

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whenever im doing sumthing im not suppose to i feel like everybody knows what im doing

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WHEN I SHOW YOU A PICTURE ON MY PHONE..DON’T SWIPE LEFT.DON’T SWIPE RIGHT.JUST LOOK. Via: Collection of Love WhatsApp Status

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Take your laptop to the toilet with you, as a modern day equivalent of the newspaper.

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While talking on the phone you can't think of anything to say then it gets awkwardly quiet

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Lightly touching your stomach or other body parts with your fingers to get that tickling sensation.

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OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

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Left alone Big noise, people aren't expected back as soon so grab baseball bat and charge only to find them back early...."what you doing?" "batting my socks around practising my baseball skills"

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Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

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Pee in the shower

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When I'm on a site that requires you to login with Facebook or Twitter to leave a comment, I click on the names of the nice looking ones to go see their pages to add them to my friends list.

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When I walk from one room to the next, I make believe that the room I just left exploded, and that I made it out just in time.

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I got a lot of high rated entries, but they dont contain Moral: This.

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Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.