OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

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look around my house for something to do for what feels like an hour then look back at a clock to realize thats its only been 4 minutes

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I giggle in my head when anyone says duty.

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I'm in computer class at school right now. I'm supposed to be making up for incomplete assignments. But I have been on Things only you think you do, Funny Exams, DIY Fail, Pointless Super powers, Explain this image, and Perfectly Time Photos all class class period. I just noticed these websites aren't blocked at school.

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The longer it takes me to find the light switch in the dark the more frantic and terrified I become.

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Fake a yawn to see if other people will yawn back.

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Cover myself in Vaseline and cry in the dark for 4, maybe 5 hours with or without a wooden splintery dildo in my arse.

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Wait until there is nobody in the bathroom and then fart really really loud. Also I flip my pillow every 10 minutes so my head is on the cold side. (try it some time)

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misread dig bick

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clean specks of sh*t in the toilet by peeing on it.

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Looking up your teachers on facebook just to look at their photos

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Point your finger to the sky when your favorite song comes on in the club or the radio

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whenever I play I spy I always use very specific things I spy for example if I would say something starting with D and it would be for dust

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When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

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find a nice photograph of food from the web and post it on fb just to watch my retard friends make a big deal out of it.

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I sometimes try to summon things with the force of my thoughts...I would be so useful...but no way, nothing ever moves.

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If someone uses a term thats like, in the know, and they ask if i know what it means, ill act like, of course ido, even if i dont, and then ill go home and look it up.

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When an awkward situation arises, pull out my phone and aimlessly flip through the apps to pretend I'm busy doing something

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When I was little and I saw disney's hercules I had no idea why Meg was working for Hades

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Pour cereal. Realize there is no milk. You really want cereal so you try it with water. Realize that was a bad idea.

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use my phone as an alarm clock for waking up. but sets the time in PM instead of AM.

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Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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Fear that the CIA is secretly wathing you.

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See a ridiculously hot girl and wonder to myself "who is the guy who gets to have sex with her. And why does she like him?" As if that can help me bag an equally hotter girl.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.