Sometimes I lie in bed and wonder what the house would look like upside down.

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Think you're breathing way too loud when your headphones are turned up

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I wet toilet paper before I use it to wipe.

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Reach my hand inside the room to turn the light on before I go in.

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Try to balance the light switch between on and off.

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Sitting next to a banana called James

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smell your socks cause you like the smell of your own sweat

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pee in my pants on purpose for the fun of it

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pull the poo out of my butt when im too impatient to push it out

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When leaving your basement, become increasingly conscious of how you are scared of something getting you. SPRINT UP STAIRS.

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While spending the night drinking with my spouse at home, i put a diaper on so i don't have to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes. I also change it for a fresh one when i go to bed.

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When I'm over at my friends house and they get in a fight with their sibling, I just pet their dog.

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When I'm hungry I look in the fridge, but there's nothing good to eat so I shut the door and walk away. Then I look in the fridge again 10 seconds later in the hope that new food has arrived Robbie

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I think about life problems in the shower

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Sometimes I read a whole page of text only to realize I didn't actually read any of it. Then I read it again. Sometimes this happens more than 3 times for one page.

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recycle the peanuts in my poop to make organic peanut butter

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I fill my bathtub up with marinara and then sit curled up in it and pretend that I am a meatball.

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When I'm waiting for someone who is late. I go-over in my head how I'm going to greet them. For example "Well, it's about damn time", or "Finally!".

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When an awkward situation arises, pull out my phone and aimlessly flip through the apps to pretend I'm busy doing something

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I eat ice creams from the bottom of the cone to the top.

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1. When you're downstairs at night you go upstairs as fast as fucking possible. 2. When you switch volume in TV, the second number has to be 0 or 5.

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I lay in bed at night with my eyes closed but not asleep,and my mind will tell me that thier is someone standing by my bed,i will think and say to myself,im not looking because thats ridiculous. Then after a 30 seconds pause,have a quick peep.

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I'm really picky about how I earn money

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When im out with my dad in the car i swear traffic lights always seem to go to red when were coming

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.