- Things You Think Only You Do

Look at the clock, then instantly forget what time it is and look again.

When I'm in the car I imagine I'm Superman flying along next to the car, whipping under, over and around traffic signs, trees, and fences. Sometimes I then fly up above the traffic a little. Then I get worried I will cause a traffic accident because people will be watching me instead of the road. I've done this since I was a kid. I'm 45 now and I still do it! Sometimes I'm Spider-Man, swing and jumping from truck to truck, car to car to keep moving fast along the highway. And lately, sometimes I do the Superman flying thing, but as Iron Man.

Think about the things you could do with you had the power to stop the time.

Having cool food in your house and knowing your boyfriend is going to call you around 6 or so, so you start eating said awesome food at about 5:57. That way when your boyfriend asks what you're doing to can tell him you're eating _____ and he'll want to come over.

Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

When you accidentally like get something on your hand so you go to wash it off but feel compelled to wash your other hand too even if it's not dirty

When home alone, I put cans in front of the door so if someone breaks in, I wake up.

When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

when i have to go down stairs at night, i have to sprint up the stairs in case there are ghosts/monsters never dangle my feet over the bed in case something tickles/touches them

I like to play with the condensation on the outside of glasses, sometimes drawing in it, or just wiping it all off. I get half-way annoyed when it comes back, until I play with it again.

Before I go to bed at night, I close the closet door so the monsters inside don't come get me while I'm sleeping.

Go up stairs two steps at a time. Avoid those stairs forever if there are an odd number and I have to end in a single step.

When I see myself in the mirror, I have to make a funny face just to make sure my face still works.

Pretend I'm much more popular than I am with people who don't know my social life.

Open the fridge, nothing there, close fridge, open again just to make sure nothing has magically appeared

When no one is home or if no one is looking you go in the fridge and drink right out of the bottle.

Scan forward to best parts of songs, rarely listen to entire song.

I will look up the definition of a word in a text message before I use it just incase I'm using it in the wrong context.

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Stalk people on facebook, find out something interesting, and later claim that it 'came up on your newsfeed'.

Check the toilet paper after wiping your ass

For some reason, I smile whenever I'm telling someone bad news or a sad story. I always try to not smile, but it doesn't work and I feel like a terrible person.

Forgetting the same word over and over again and having a spaz attack when you can't remember it for more than a couple of seconds.

While waiting for my food ot cook, I'll wash the dirty dishes that I used so that I don't need to wash lots of dishes after I eat.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.