Check an insane amount of times to see if the door is locked, then finally get back to jerking off.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Doing a little dance after having sex because your so proud you're a FATHER!!! - Uncle Jerrett

thumb_up thumb_down -82

Tell myself that I'm only going for a 20 minute nap and end up sleeping for 1/+ hour(s)...

thumb_up thumb_down -35

You like to think about how your favorite characters would react if you told them that they were fictional.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

See my "double reflection" in 2 mirrors and then get freaked out for a good ten minutes that my usual image of myself is actually the flipped version...

thumb_up thumb_down -43

while talking about someone, immediately fear they are somehow listening

thumb_up thumb_down +313

I can't drink while I'm walking I have to stop.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

When you're scared of the bathroom and you close your eyes you quickly look around to check if there's a monster or something in the mirror

thumb_up thumb_down -88

I unlike Facebook pages if they spam my wall.

thumb_up thumb_down +129

Think you looked good the whole day, then come home and realize you were a hot mess and nobody told you

thumb_up thumb_down +100

I always save a bite of my favorite food for last so that is the taste I have in my mouth when the meal is over.

thumb_up thumb_down +1,686

Imagine that other people can see what im doing, then try to act differently.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

When I say, "What?" after understanding exactly what someone said.

thumb_up thumb_down +71

Having a deja vu, swearing you've seen something before.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Pull the curtain right to the end so there are no gaps just in case some weirdo at night decides to look in my window.

thumb_up thumb_down +78

Wish that Mexicans would go to their OWN country and stop living tax free in OURS.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

When I have nothing do do in Life Science I read the textbook.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Always fantasize about grabbing a cop's gun from his holster. Just because I am pretty sure I could.

thumb_up thumb_down +134

Scratch my ass/armpit and HAVE to smell it.

thumb_up thumb_down -67

When I fart in public, I always pretend that nothing ever happened.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Whenever you are in a quiet room and are trying to eat a food that is very loud to chew (like chips) you try to chew slowly or alter your chewing style so noone will think your too loud

thumb_up thumb_down +46

I have never watched Star Wars.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

when I have to shred important documents I am still not satisfied that I even burn the shredded paper

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.