I think people especially my parents, can hear my thoughts

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Slate the game you playing but always go back for more...ie FIFA, Cod!!!

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When you were in elementary school you thought people laughed at Uranus because it sounds kinda like urine and then wondered why it was so funny; the two only sound remotely alike.

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Wake up, unnaturally hungry, make meal fit for a king.

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I'm starting to ignore Hollywood, the news and experts opinions more and more.

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Walk around aimlessly when talking on the phone.

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Wanting to marry Tyler Joseph but then you remember he's married :(

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dont turn my fan up so high cause i think its going to fall and slice me to bits -jesse

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While going to sleep, you turn the pillow downside-up several times to find a cooler surface.

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Whenever i hear myself in a video or something to me, it sounds way higher pitched than when I hear myself talking Is it just me?

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"I'll start tomorrow..." wake up and it has been a year later and I still haven't done it.

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Awkward moment... Pretend to send a text.

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I fake laugh at peoples jokes when they're not funny to avoid akward moments.

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Wonder if certain people can read my mind... start thinking weird stuff and try to stop.

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Open a new google tab when someone walks in the room, even if I wasn't looking at anything bad.

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think your hitting your leg on a chair or desk, really someones foot

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Watch 30 seconds of a commercial break only to realize it's dvr'd and I could be fast forwarding it.

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While spending the night drinking with my spouse at home, i put a diaper on so i don't have to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes. I also change it for a fresh one when i go to bed.

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because fuck the NSA.

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I'm so afraid of using words incorrectly that I look up any word I'm not sure that I'm using properly before typing it into wherever I'll use it. If the definition is too vague, I abandon the word and try something else.

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I cover my webcam on my when I fap in fear that someone/something is watching.

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I dip my pizza crust in soda

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Cover up the webcam on my laptop because I think someone might be watching me through it.

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See how fast and accurate i can use the fast forward on my dvr and applaud myself when i go full speed and stop 2 seconds before the show is back on.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.