Pass wind after i ate lasagna.

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Spread my butt so poop comes out easier.

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dont turn my fan up so high cause i think its going to fall and slice me to bits -jesse

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Attempting to start phychic conversations with people in public

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When I have a really good dream, and I wake up and realize it was a dream, I try to fall back asleep and re-visit the dream.

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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Eat everything inside my burgers first then i eat the buns.

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When no one's looking, I run up stairs on hands and feet.

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I save my files as "askjaskjaks" because I'm too lazy to give them a proper name.

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I don't like Winter. Because I'm scared that when we use the heater, our house will catch on fire.

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Drink a huge amount of water only for the pleasure of having your stomach filled with it.

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Sometimes when im in my bed and trying to fall asleep, i don´t want to open my eyes in case there is a murderer standing before my bed.

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Stand on the first floor and look up through the 2nd story railing just to look up women's skirts.

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Sit at your desk at work and think to yourself "is this it? I feel like I was meant for something bigger, like being an actor or a real life hero." then you look around you and feel bad because you feel like you dumped on everyone else who seem happy wih their lives. Then you go back to your boring desk job anyway.

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Sometimes I wonder who created words. For instance, who thought to call a fence a fence? It could have been called something completely random like bucxbuw, but it would seem normal to us and fence would seem like jibberish instead.

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Taking the little rings off the top of my bottles.

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I wish I was born again, but I had all of the knowledge I have now.

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Waking up from a dream that you thought was real life, and thinking,man i wish that was real...

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I tell inanimate objects what to do.

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When walking into a smelly bathroom, hold your breath so you don't have to breathe in the poo air.

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Sometimes I find myself staring at the television only to realize its off.

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I wonder what a baby is laughing about when they are apparently being entertained by something in the room I can't see

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When eating food leave back the food u like the most for last

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When I'm scared in the shower sing

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.