I have autofocus in my eyes.

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use cleverbot to chat to automated dating chat bots. even if i don't understand swedish.

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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Wait until my friends are done eating lunch so I don't have to dump my tray alone.

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"????????? ???? ?????! ??? ?? ???????? UH1 HUEY!!! ??? ?? ???????? ??????? ??????????? ?????, ????????? ?? ??????? ? ??????????????? ???????!!! ?????? ????, ???????????????? ?? ???????, ?? ?????? ??????? ?? ????! ???? ???????????? ???????, ????? ??????? ???? ??? ?????????, ? ??????????? ?????, ??? ????????? ??????? ??????????? ?????!!! ? ??? ?? ????? ???? ??????? ??????????? ??????????. ???????? ????????,???? ????, ??? ??????? ?????? ??? ????? ??? ????? ???? ? ??????. "

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When I'm on an escalator going up, I always imagine myself falling back and how incredibly painful (and possibly bloody) it must be.

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I always paranoidly think that someone else might see what I see through my eyes he can't hear what I hear and he can't smell what I smell he can only see and if I close my eyes he falls asleep automatically I try to avoid thinking this but that's impossible

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I always poke myself in the eye when I put on mascara, then have a wild hand spasm so it gets all over my face.

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I carry more money in my wallet than it appears, I just tuck some away because I think that if I can't see it and have to go through the trouble to get it out- then I won't spend it.

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Live in a house my whole life and still not know what switch does which

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when you can't think of anything to type you just type random letters. a;lsdfj;ldfkjsfasdfljf

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Blow dry my dick and balls after getting out of the shower.

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when i'm in the shower and i close my eyes, i thnk something's gonna be there to scare me when i open my eyes again.

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when the teacher is asking the class something and i have no idea I'm looking at the paper in front of me, pretending to still making notes and thinking to myself 'don't take me, don't take me...'

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I use the power-stance sometimes when I poop. It's where you completely remove one leg from your pants and put the shoe back on. Your legs can go further apart.

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Laugh quietly to myself in public then cough to make the laugh seem like a it was a cough so people won't think I'm weird.

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when something on the internet is loading really long i close all the other tabs so my computer can concentrate only on one thing and then i get annoyed because i have to open up all the tabs again

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Shudder when someone bites down on icey poll or an ice cube

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pinch the tip of my dick when I masturbate.

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every bite i have of a sandwich, i need to have a sip of a flavored drink to "soften the bread and make it taste good".

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feel legitimately bad for Wile E Coyote whenever he does not get the road runner

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Keep trying to defend your point even after you've realized you're wrong in an argument

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When I go to the bathroom I put toilet paper over my penis and pretend its a ghost

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Make a day of reading posts from Craiglist's Best-Of.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.