Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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I stare at the paint impasto on the ceiling until I see faces.

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I feel like people next to me can read my mind so if I start thinking about something sexual it feels super awkward

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In elementary school whenever it was supposed to be mental math I never did it mentally.

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When walking around a slightly empty store, I walk around and pretend I'm a spy, trying not to be seen.

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If I'm at work and have to poop, when I get in the stall I look under the opening at the bottom for any other feet in the other stalls to make sure I am alone. I always think what if when I do that someone else does it at the same time.

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wonder if there are secret cameras watching my every move...

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I apologize, when i bump against things.

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Cough and shift my feet a lot when someone comes into the public bathroom so they know someone is in the stall and won't walk in on me.

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At the store then mom leaves to get something then u start panicking as the cashier begins paying and you thing she will charge yo already

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When I was younger I used to think that Red bull was a drink that really did give you wings like they show in the commercials

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Wonder why every single kid is looking at you in a restaurant.

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Sometimes I wonder if my whole life is a hallucination and I'm actually in some padded room somewhere, talking to myself and staring into space while my real family mourns the fact that their daughter will never be able to live a real life...

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When I'm walking I look up at nothing in particular and it causes everyone else to look up too!

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Make sure I put the deodorant top back on the correct way -- you know, so the sticker is to the front.

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Sick the top of you fingers in your pants when you are doing something that requires one hand, like watching t.v

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It takes half as long to take a dump if I forget my phone.

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Wondering what would happen if you did something super random or inappropriate in a group setting. :)

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When looking at a digital clock that counts down to seconds, I wait until the seconds are an even number, then I try to say each number in order twice before it changes.

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Sleep with one leg on top of the covers and the rest of your body under them.

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push a fart out really slow so you think nobody will hear it

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get really embarrassed when i leave the book i read when i poop on the bathroom counter and someone uses the bathroom.

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Daydream about doing unspeakable things(killing, raping, beating, cutting, shooting, ect.) to the person you hate

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.