I always walk down the hall James Bond style. Gun out, along the wall, looking around corners before I walk into or by a room.

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Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

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think that the NSA is always watching what you do online at any time you are even connected.

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When im in a public toilet, i try not to make any sounds when taking a crap, not even a fart, so that when i come out no one will think i was taking a crap.

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Sometimes when I look in the mirror I mouth common words and phrases, just to see what it looks like when I talk to other people.

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I put big spaces in between comments

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pretend you died to see what your dog would do.

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When someone is talking to me and I'm not really listening, when it gets quiet I say 'that's crazy' so they think I'm listening.

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When i close the refrigiator door, i re-open it and give it a good shove to make sure it tight.

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I flick my boogers on the carpet knowing that I can just vacuum them up later.

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Get excited when your friends think your favorite song is cool.

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interview yourself over some amazing accomplishment you achieved like becoming the youngest emmy winner and pretending you're really humble.

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Whenever I fall over I always seem to think coherently throughout the fall about what can I do to make this less painful

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I don't cut a conversation on the phone short just because I have to use the "facilities". I've mastered the art of being as far away from the toilet while flushing and sprinting out of the bathroom.

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Whenever there is a volume button on something i have to make sure its on a number 5 ie: 0,5,10,15

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Write "my opinion thinking-aloud-sentences" on the "circle the answer" test as footnotes when I'm not sure about the answer.

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I deeply pick my nose with tweezers. It's like the relief of pooping to me.

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I push the door open with my stomach

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Consume skin around finger nails. Cuticle too.

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I suck my shirt without realizing im doing it until people tell me.

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Whenever I send or receive texts, I always make it a point to have more received texts than sent ones. It makes me feel popular.

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I chew around the center of carrots.

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When I'm alone I occasionally like to give a little hump to the air. Not for sexual reasons or anything, just because it feels right.

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Try to fly by jumping and then discover you can't

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.