I always walk down the hall James Bond style. Gun out, along the wall, looking around corners before I walk into or by a room.

Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

think that the NSA is always watching what you do online at any time you are even connected.

When im in a public toilet, i try not to make any sounds when taking a crap, not even a fart, so that when i come out no one will think i was taking a crap.

Sometimes when I look in the mirror I mouth common words and phrases, just to see what it looks like when I talk to other people.

I put big spaces in between comments

pretend you died to see what your dog would do.

When someone is talking to me and I'm not really listening, when it gets quiet I say 'that's crazy' so they think I'm listening.

When i close the refrigiator door, i re-open it and give it a good shove to make sure it tight.

I flick my boogers on the carpet knowing that I can just vacuum them up later.

Get excited when your friends think your favorite song is cool.

interview yourself over some amazing accomplishment you achieved like becoming the youngest emmy winner and pretending you're really humble.

Whenever I fall over I always seem to think coherently throughout the fall about what can I do to make this less painful

I don't cut a conversation on the phone short just because I have to use the "facilities". I've mastered the art of being as far away from the toilet while flushing and sprinting out of the bathroom.

Whenever there is a volume button on something i have to make sure its on a number 5 ie: 0,5,10,15

Write "my opinion thinking-aloud-sentences" on the "circle the answer" test as footnotes when I'm not sure about the answer.

I deeply pick my nose with tweezers. It's like the relief of pooping to me.

I push the door open with my stomach

Consume skin around finger nails. Cuticle too.

I suck my shirt without realizing im doing it until people tell me.

Whenever I send or receive texts, I always make it a point to have more received texts than sent ones. It makes me feel popular.

I chew around the center of carrots.

When I'm alone I occasionally like to give a little hump to the air. Not for sexual reasons or anything, just because it feels right.

Try to fly by jumping and then discover you can't

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.