After waking up from being extremely intoxicated the night before, i check my phone and ALL my accounts on the internet to make sure i didnt make an ass of myself.

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Spend countless hours looking at cars online I know I'll never be able to afford

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I twist my pubes into little spikes when I pee.

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Thinking about different guys and how they would be in bed, then thinking im a slut for thinking it...

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You laugh to yourself when you think you are alone in a street but then you notice somebody in a car looking at you.

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Sometimes when I look at a clock the seconds hand ticks backwards

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(1) In the middle of a conversation, I start to think of all the crazy stuff I could do even though I would never want to i.e. punching them in the face, making out with them, flashing them.

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Realizes there is less toilet paper than first thought. Hobbles across bathroom to find more. Failure. Take shower.

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When you're in a public place, make up conversations between strangers. Example: Man to wife: Let's get out of here. There's no place to sit. Wife to man: Honey, we just got here. Man to wife: Maybe you didn't understand, Martha. There's no place to sit.

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Normally I can do a specific task no problem but when someone is watching and I know that they are watching I screw up.

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if your listening to music, move the volume up and down to experience the bass a lil better

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When using the bathroom count the tiles on the floor or shower wall or read a shampoo bottle.

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Being so socially awkward that when you have a successful interaction with another human being, you play it in your head over and over again.

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whenever I lost a tooth my parents would while I slept they would sprinkle caster sugar on the window sill and make footprints in it (tiny footprints)

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When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

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Walk out of movie thinking that I would be like them some day.

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Liking the smell of your fart and Poo and denying it to people.

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I kill Solid Snake and masturbate when the Game over screen keeps screaming for my own "snake" "Snake answer me! Snake SNAAAKE!" Me: Answer coming right up and out any moment now! fapfapfap

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When I was younger I would image a band that played the songs on the radio that was strapped to the roof of the car during long car rides.

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Always fantasize about grabbing a cop's gun from his holster. Just because I am pretty sure I could.

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When I'm home alone at night, and the lights are on so you can't see anything out the windows, I will stop randomly and stare out the window to make anyone watching me think I know that they are there.

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I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

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open the fridge A eat food B think

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pull out a flies wings and let it go

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.