I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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When I'm in the car I imagine I'm Superman flying along next to the car, whipping under, over and around traffic signs, trees, and fences. Sometimes I then fly up above the traffic a little. Then I get worried I will cause a traffic accident because people will be watching me instead of the road. I've done this since I was a kid. I'm 45 now and I still do it! Sometimes I'm Spider-Man, swing and jumping from truck to truck, car to car to keep moving fast along the highway. And lately, sometimes I do the Superman flying thing, but as Iron Man.

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.don't like something because being scared that it appears on my wall.

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Assume that on another planet or galaxy there are people just like humans that look exactly like me. Like an alternate universe.

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When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

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Playing a sad song that talks about your current situation and then looking in the mirror or out the window pretending you are in a sad music video.

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Feeling self conscious about breathing to loudly

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Whenever you are in a quiet room and are trying to eat a food that is very loud to chew (like chips) you try to chew slowly or alter your chewing style so noone will think your too loud

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I pee in the shower.

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really wonder why there is so much talk about pooping and farting on this site

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I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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Picking my nose.

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When a book is boring, i will think of my favouite song and then i will start singing the book, like i will look at the words and ligit, start singing them in my favourite tune~im so weird

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When you are thinking, and you think about what you are thinking. You are automatically purposely thinking until you stop thinking about it. I am thinking about thinking about how I think right now. I think...

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When taking trash up to the street, I always runback as fast as I can, counting down from 5, pretending there's a sniper about to shoot me.

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feel special if I don't get thumbs up on my posts

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Look at my poop before flushing

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When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

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Ever played the sims, then wondered if you were just apart of a game and that maybe someone is controlling YOUR every move? Yeah. Me too.

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think that your whole life is just a dream and that you're going to wake up someday

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getting a random wedgie when everybody is looking at me

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This is kind of embarrassing... after I watched "Truman Show" I went home and talked to my mirror like Jim Carrey does in the film.

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Date your English paper so it looks like you did it earlier (rather than saving it for the last minute).

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.