Take your laptop to the toilet with you, as a modern day equivalent of the newspaper.

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trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

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Smiling like an Idiot when you get a cute text

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When im alone in my car i talk to myself about lifes issues

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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Eat something to pass the time while I wait for my food in the microwave to be cooked.

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Say "what?" when you know what they said, then answer before they can respond. I do it because it takes me a second to figure out what they said and so my immediate response it "what?".

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I talk to myself when I'm alone

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Dip my pizza crust in my soda

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I imagine myself dying in the worst possible way more than once a day. I don't know...today, I was driving on a bridge and all I could picture was it collapsing and falling onto me, When I'm lying in bed, I imagine my ceiling fan toppling me.

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I sleep in my underpants every single night

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When I'm in a hurry I brush my teeth while peeing because I think it saves time.

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mentally scolding yourself for thinking something dirty just in case the person you're thinking about can read your thoughts

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When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

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always picture someone naked even though sometime you really don't want to.

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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Peeing in the shower

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Sometimes after a long, hard day or when something bad happens I just sit down and cry in the shower.

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when you are pooping you fart and it scares you a little bit.

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sometimes when I listen to a song while riding in the car I look out the window and pretend I'm in some angsty music video

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When leaving a poop smear under the water in the toilet that doesn't get flushed away, I put a few pieces of toilet paper on the water surface to conceal it.

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Aim at shit stains whilst I pee.

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Every time I see people's bare feet I'm automatically counting their toes to make sure if they have an extra toe or two.

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I don't like being told what I will do or how I will feel.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.