Try stick to something but fail in the end

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Will use delayed foot-to-ass insults on verbal bullies. You know, the kind that goes off in the persons head days or weeks after they thought they won an argument with me.

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I'm in my twenties and still don't drive.

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When I masturbate I trade hands often in fear that my penis may become crooked.

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When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

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Have a fantasy where Jesus Christ is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart while Garth Brooks gives birth to something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum.

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Wherever I drink something, I count how many times I swallow it, and I feel weird if it's not a multiple of 5. I will get more of the drink and drink it, even if I'm not thirsty, just to make my life seem a little more complete...PLEASE tell me I'm not the only one?

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When writing out something in the air, you mess up so you "wipe" out the mistake and then move to another piece of air because it's "cleaner".

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Sometimes when im in my bed and trying to fall asleep, i don´t want to open my eyes in case there is a murderer standing before my bed.

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Ask someone "what" when they tell you something even though you heard them clearly

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Fart after someone else farts sop that no one will know you did too.

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pinch your nostrils in between your finger and thumb and rub them back and forth in order to smell the inside of your nose.

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Open the microwave at 1 second left to pretend you're on a bomb squad.

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At restaurants, eat my food in sections. Usually leafy greens, french fries, then steak/ whatever meat.

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When I'm walking on pavement or tiles I always make patterns, e.g stepping on every second tile, stepping a certain amount of times on each bit of pavement

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when liking something you like or dislike something you click it twice even though you know it will only take one vote

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Sometimes I stop typing in the middle of a sen

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While at the movies, grab and eat your popcorn with your tongue and pretend you are a lizard.

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Seriously I am tired but, I read the fucking solvemedia stating "forget this", then I stood there for a moment having just forgot what I was supposed to type. "Was I not supposed to forget what I just read?" Nero: BRAINWASHING! FORGET THIS AND LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR MOTHER! IM LEUTANANT BANGUS YOUR MUTHERUS YOU IDIOT!

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I have to keep reading website pages until I reached 5, 10, 15 etc. When I get close to my age though, I can finish there.

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Thinking about what is nothing and other deep shit when trying to fall asleep.

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Try to time the traffic light so that when I snap, my light turns green. Always so so close.

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when you're walking down the streets and you listen to your iPod, you pretend you're part of the music video for that song and when no ones looking, lip sync to the lyrics, as if the camera man's filming you >.

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Stalk boyfriend's facebook, go to everything he's commented on, and comment too.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.