I don't cut a conversation on the phone short just because I have to use the "facilities". I've mastered the art of being as far away from the toilet while flushing and sprinting out of the bathroom.

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I always feel as if someone is always watching me on a screen where ever I am, and every person in the world is also being watched as well

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Whenever I have to carry a heavy box with both hands a long distance, my nose decides it's going to itchy.

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I sometimes have bad dreams that for some reason I don't want to wake up from because I just want to see what happens next

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sometimes if I am going on a flight to another country I will hold a small pocket of air in my mouth before getting on the plane and then I would let it out after we land

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having cool friends, but all of their other friends are nerds.

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When peeing at a urinal, move my stream back and forth the coat as much of the wall as I can.

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Worry a lot about the efficiency of your path when walking.

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Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

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I don't thumb down any submissions because then I am just as bad as the people who thumb down mine

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When I haven't looked in a mirror for a while, I worry that I look awful, and when I get to a mirror, I'm like "Oh yeah, that's what I look like".

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I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

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While playing a video game, narrate it explicitly in your head, e.i., stringing together absurd amounts of obscenities and scream them telepathically at your foes.

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I always write b as d or d as b since I've learned the alphabet, and i hate my keyboarb cuz its on lower case every time.

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I never even met you! Why do you care who I'm talking to?

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Whenever I am in a dark room at night, and there is a window with blinds with a light shining through, I stand in front of it and pretend I am wearing a striped prison jumpsuit.

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wake up in the middle of the night and write your dream if you like it. Or just write all night and dont sleep all night for days at a time.

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Thinking of a song to get an annoying one out of your head, then realizing that one's even worse.

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run inside after taking out the trash because a monster might be hiding in the big trash can

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I like to record the audio from TV shows and movies onto cassette tapes from my stereo, and listen to them on my Walkman while I'm working in the kitchen or around the house.

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Hot in bed? Stick one leg out and then wrap it around the top of the duvet

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turn off the alarm clock one minute before its goes off when you wake up in the morning

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Sometimes if I am by myself at the house or in the car I will act completely insane and absurd. This usually involves me screaming incoherent babble, whole body twitching, making absurd faces and doing this thing where I bite my tongue and shake my head violently. If any normal person saw me they would either think I am having a seizure or currently possessed by Satan.

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Whenever I switch sides on my bed, I feel like when I turn around some scary clown face is going to be RIGHT THERE in my face

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.