I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

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get really paranoid when you're in a shop's changing room and try and make sure the curtain is fully closed so nobody can see in

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I take pains to be Anti-Democrat and Anti-Republican. Because both parties are really gross money & career machines beholden to industry. I really am middle-of-the-road on lots of issues. even though I don't understand what the fuck makes an intelligent conservative tick. but I may just be biased because it's all neo-cons on the news. idk.

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Contract my gluteus maximus while sitting for a long time to feel more comfortable.

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turning up the volume in your car when theres a car next to you blasting a terrible song.

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Talk out loud so my brother can hear me because no one ever wrote that they can read your minds. And i want him to know ineed him in my life still so I randomly say things out loud to him on accident. People always look at me with hidden shock wide eyed.

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if your behind glass or a window and you see a group outside, imagine their conversation.

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When I'm walking and I step on a crack with my left food, the next time I step on a crack it has to be my right foot and vise versa. I can't step on a crack twice in a row with the same foot. But I don't have to step on every crack.

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Think about what to say to the person you like and never actually say it .

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Play as both sides on fifa

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Play poly-rhythmic drum beats along with my turn signal on my car.

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Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

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I strum my fingers on my other hand between the fingers on the other hand which is a fist to make a popping sound (Try it, it's really fun)

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I think about fat women while poking my skinny girlfriend

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Hold my pen or pencil with two fingers cued against my palm and two fingers sliding up the pen with my thumb in between them.

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Take everything out of the fridge, and climb in it, and pretend your in a time capsule.

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Eat a biscuit realise how nice it is and eat the whole packet

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I don't like Winter. Because I'm scared that when we use the heater, our house will catch on fire.

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Wish you could delete a post if it gets thumbs down

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I can't drink while I'm walking I have to stop.

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I feel bad for not reading the terms of service on a website, because someone had to put a lot of effort into that.

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Put my finger over one pixel of my digital alarm clock, because I know that's the only one that will change in the next minute. Take it off. MAGIC.

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Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

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Sometimes, after I say "bye" to a person on facebook, I wait a few seconds before I log off so that it seems like I said "bye" to other people too. Because I'm just that popular.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.