How is it that celebrities no one likes keep popping up on shows everyone likes

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I have to sleep with my bottom lip stuck to the pillow or my hand so I can breathe.

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if i put my shirt on backwards, instead of taking my shirt off and putting it on right, i pull my arms in and just spin my shirt.

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I flick through the channels on my TV really fast to try and make a complete sentence.

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When alone in a public restroom, after using the toilet I kick the lever and run away out of fear that it will splash on me.

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Whenever I order a lot of food at a fast food place for myself, I order an extra drink just so they think it's for two people.

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While talking on the phone you can't think of anything to say then it gets awkwardly quiet

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Pee in the shower

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Massive hang-over. Say out loud and promise I will never drink like that again. Next time drink atleast as much as the last time.

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I sometimes try to summon things with the force of my thoughts...I would be so useful...but no way, nothing ever moves.

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wonder why the word "MORTGAGE" has a T in it?

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I never look out the window at night because I'm afraid there will be an Alien staring at me when I move the curtains.

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Thinking you could bump into someone by the corner of a building (or a wall)

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Touch something dirty with one hand then wash it but then wash the other hand cause it feels weird when it's not wet like your other hand.

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wake up in the middle of the night and write your dream if you like it. Or just write all night and dont sleep all night for days at a time.

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When I'm at home alone, I feel like people are watching me through my windows, so I act completely civil.

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Thinking about life as if its just a dream and wondeing if one day your just going to wake up and be like " wtf just happend".....

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clean my ears with finger if they feel dirty...eat it.

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get annoyed when people talk on the phone really loudly in front of the TV, forcing you to mute your show, resulting in you missing half of what the people are saying.

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I sometimes have bad dreams that for some reason I don't want to wake up from because I just want to see what happens next

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When I get bored of sex and p*rn, I download animal "mating" stuff for variation.

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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I read the down voted posts

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Use my phone to see what time it is

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.