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After waking up from being extremely intoxicated the night before, i check my phone and ALL my accounts on the internet to make sure i didnt make an ass of myself.
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-33
Spend countless hours looking at cars online I know I'll never be able to afford
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-44
I twist my pubes into little spikes when I pee.
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+57
Thinking about different guys and how they would be in bed, then thinking im a slut for thinking it...
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-4
You laugh to yourself when you think you are alone in a street but then you notice somebody in a car looking at you.
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+89
Sometimes when I look at a clock the seconds hand ticks backwards
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-35
(1) In the middle of a conversation, I start to think of all the crazy stuff I could do even though I would never want to i.e. punching them in the face, making out with them, flashing them.
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-43
Realizes there is less toilet paper than first thought. Hobbles across bathroom to find more. Failure. Take shower.
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-68
When you're in a public place, make up conversations between strangers. Example: Man to wife: Let's get out of here. There's no place to sit. Wife to man: Honey, we just got here. Man to wife: Maybe you didn't understand, Martha. There's no place to sit.
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-28
Normally I can do a specific task no problem but when someone is watching and I know that they are watching I screw up.
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-73
if your listening to music, move the volume up and down to experience the bass a lil better
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-23
When using the bathroom count the tiles on the floor or shower wall or read a shampoo bottle.
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+72
Being so socially awkward that when you have a successful interaction with another human being, you play it in your head over and over again.
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-25
whenever I lost a tooth my parents would while I slept they would sprinkle caster sugar on the window sill and make footprints in it (tiny footprints)
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-51
When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.
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-42
Walk out of movie thinking that I would be like them some day.
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-26
Liking the smell of your fart and Poo and denying it to people.
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-39
I kill Solid Snake and masturbate when the Game over screen keeps screaming for my own "snake" "Snake answer me! Snake SNAAAKE!" Me: Answer coming right up and out any moment now! fapfapfap
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-63
When I was younger I would image a band that played the songs on the radio that was strapped to the roof of the car during long car rides.
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-7
Always fantasize about grabbing a cop's gun from his holster. Just because I am pretty sure I could.
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+138
When I'm home alone at night, and the lights are on so you can't see anything out the windows, I will stop randomly and stare out the window to make anyone watching me think I know that they are there.
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-63
I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.
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-53
open the fridge A eat food B think
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-84
pull out a flies wings and let it go
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-6
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Things You Think Only You Do
A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.