Sitting on a toilet in a public bathroom and staying silent until everyone leaves, so you do not feel the embarrassment

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play Simpsons episodes in my head...way too often

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When i need to poop i place toilet paper over the water so it doesn't splash up and hit my rectum.

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I think people especially my parents, can hear my thoughts

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Zoning out while looking at something and then trying to find the spot you were looking at when you're out of the zone but you can't find it.

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stand in front of a mirror with your headphones in, and lip sync the words of the song playing to pretend you are singing in a music video

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No matter how complicated your shower is at home, you always find it much easier to work than other people's showers.

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Make odd grunting noises and sighs of relief while going #2.

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walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

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I always ask myself "Why am I me?". But have never come up with a good answer.

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I masturbate with sandpaper

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When I'm at home alone, I feel like people are watching me through my windows, so I act completely civil.

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When I'm scared in the shower sing

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tell everyone that you think that mcdonalds is unhealthy and that you think there food is nasty but in reality you actually love it.

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I fake laugh at peoples jokes when they're not funny to avoid akward moments.

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Peeing in the shower

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While talking on the phone you can't think of anything to say then it gets awkwardly quiet

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Walking past a light switch, but miss when try to turn the lights on so you just keep walking instead.

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Turn the light off, run, and JUMP into bed. I'm 26.

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Hearing a noise and turning around to see if theres a monster in the room, and when you see nothing you think "hmm, he hides everytime I turn my head around." and then for the next minute you try to suddenly look back to see if you can catch it off guard.

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Waking up at 4 am wondering where your pillow went.

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Stare off into space in the middle of a conversation

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Wish that Mexicans would go to their OWN country and stop living tax free in OURS.

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Abuse your pet when nobody's looking

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.