Sometimes i think i've been living a dream life, and one day im really gonna wake up in the middle of 9th grade math class and have to explain why i was sleeping on my desk and jerking off so much.

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If I am waiting on someone and they are late, I start mentally listing their faults, flaws and mistakes but feel kind of bad for doing it when they finally show up.

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sometimes when im in the shower and i hear the slightest bump i look behind the curtains to see if anyone is about to scare me

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i would air drum even if theres no music playing

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I can't get out of bed in the mornings unless the alarm clock reads 0 or 5.

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use the shower water running of my arms and hands to shoot off random hairs inside the shower

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Sing every word to Bohemian Rhapsody every time you hear it in the most dramatic way possible.

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Find a really good joke on the internet and pretend you came up with it to make your friends think you're funny

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Wishing you were living in that time when men were still gentlemen. Holds doors, brings flowers, chooses you over job.

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When someone close to me sadly passes on and later when I am listening to the radio if I hear a song that sounds suitable to that moment I kind of make that our song if that makes sense to any of you

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when i watch a movie, and a character in it gos underwater, i hold my breath with that person until that person gets above water, then i let go, either that, after the character comes up from the water, i still hold my breath until i cant take it anymore.

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have fake conversations that might happen in the future...so ur prepared

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when I take a big dump I turn around to see how big it is

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Turn on Fox News and wonder if I'm watching a bad comedy routine or news reporting.

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go to the bathroom, turn on the hot water, get undressed so that the water has time to heat up

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only read the short jokes on this website

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Laugh quietly to myself in public then cough to make the laugh seem like a it was a cough so people won't think I'm weird.

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Sometimes, I ask myself philosophical questions. The one that is bugging me now is "If reincarnation is real, why is this life so vivid?"

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Sometimes when I touch something I have to touch all of the object and with both hands, otherwise I feel incomplete.

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No matter how complicated your shower is at home, you always find it much easier to work than other people's showers.

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Pretend you and your classmates are in a Hunger Games scenario.

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pick your nose and eat it

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When no one's at home, the house turns into an action movie set. Going to my room turns into sprinting up the stairs and purposely stumbling to give the effect that bombs are going off. And always make it to the room in time to hop on the last helicopter out of the jungle.

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.