I avoid my wealthy but cool relatives because I don't want them to think I want money

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I just saw the D in Disney for the first time ever. My brain always saw a backwards G. I knew it was supposed to be a D, I just never bothered to fix it. There has been a G there my whole life.

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I always try to play it cool and act like it’s no big deal. But I always have a mini anxiety attack before actually stepping onto a moving escalator. It is a task trying to time my step perfectly where my foot isn’t hanging off a step and I have to hurry my second foot on there isn’t an awdward space of steps between my feet. -Ikka

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Cover myself in Vaseline and cry in the dark for 4, maybe 5 hours with or without a wooden splintery dildo in my arse.

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Sit on the back of the commode when at work to give yourself an impromptu break.

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hallo

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When you accidentally mess up a password, delete the entire thing and redo it since you don't know which part you messed up.

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I am a masculine guy but in private I listen to very sensitive songs. ie: careless wispers

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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My daily agenda: wake up take a crap get out of bed...

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When a room is dark and the light is really far away, I close my eyes to feel my way to the lamp.

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wish you looked like either Kellan Lutz or Bradley Cooper! I wish magic existed now.

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make sure you hit every crack in the sidewalk evenly. slowly over time, you discover that you found an awkward walking pace to match the obsession.

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Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

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Take advantage of loud traffic to fart really hard.

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Hit the off button on the microwave three times to simulate the sound it makes when time is up.

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I have tried jumping in an airplane to see if I fall in the same spot

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like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

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When I'm laying in bed and I feel my heartbeat, I turn around so I can't feel it because it makes me feel sick.

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You feel compelled to stab someone in the face... But you don't since you know its wrong. Instead you play violent video games to get it off your mind.

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When I walk from one room to the next, I make believe that the room I just left exploded, and that I made it out just in time.

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Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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Secretly open a packet of something or spray some deodorant in a shop to check what it looks/feels/smells like. Then put it back and pick up the one behind because you just used/opened the one you were just holding.

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when listening to pandora just skip through the songs and hit the like or hate buttons and not listen to the music,but then when you want to listen to the music you can't because theres no wifi

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.