I let everyone know I'm a lesbian as soon as I meet them, ('cause I wouldn't want to continue talking to someone who hates gays).

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When I'm in a room with other people, no matter who they are, I make myself choose the person I would tolerate the best having sex with just in case of a disaster and we need to procreate.

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I prefer to masturbate by putting a fleshlight under my stuffed-toy smurfette's dress and pretend to smurf her.

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Eat the last bowl of ice cream. Then 6 hours later, you wish you hadn't. (sometimes even open the fridge and check whether you actually ate it or not)

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I have walked into a sliding glass door

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Saying an awkward word enough times so that it doesn't sound like a real word anymore

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I sometimes want to eat spaghetti with my hands, but for whatever reason have never done it...

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I always ask myself "Why am I me?". But have never come up with a good answer.

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Any time I shop for used clothes, I always have to ask, “Did anybody die in this?” –Ikka

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YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

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Whenever I leave a phone message, I feel like I'm leaving the last message I will every leave to my family in my life because I will somehow die soon. I've watched too much drama.

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when bored, i imagine my EXACT plan for the zombie apocalypse, down to what would look cool if i was walking down a desolate street ( i am legend style) :D

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I love the tingly feeling you get when youve shifted after realizing you arm, leg, hand, etc. has gone numb. am i the only one?

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I'm not a pessimist I'm a realist.

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Whenever I think of something creative or weird, I always wonder if someone thought of the same thing.

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resting your head from your face to your hand and then you realize you face now looks disfigured.

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After reading something from this site, I find myself compelled to try it.

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Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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Sometimes when I look at a clock the seconds hand ticks backwards

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Stick my hand all the way to the bottom of a tub of grease.

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Clicking Yes to "I have read and agree to the Terms of Service" without reading one word of that stupid thing.

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Point your finger to the sky When your favorite comes on in the club or on the radio

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Everytime I get new magazines or brochures in the mail I like to open them and smell them. Same with new electronics, I love that new smell.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.