When my girlfriend ask me what I am thinking about, I tell her I am thinking of all the great things about my last girlfriend.

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Cannot even read a word when a blonde lady sits in front of me in a library.

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I tell inanimate objects what to do.

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Hit the off button on the microwave three times to simulate the sound it makes when time is up.

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whenever there's a fight on facebook, i sit back and read it and i'm just like "people are stupid hehe"

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i put a empty pack of cigarettes under my pillow and hoped the cigarette fairy would come when i was asleep

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I make different scenarios for different songs I listen to. I pretend the walls and couches are people. I talk to them.

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When your at your friends house and they run out of toilet paper, so you sit there like "what do i do now?"

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Looking at this naked with a cat on you're lap.

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Being able to think about great ideas for the world, but not being able to get a math problem done.

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after dialing a number and clicking "call" constanly rehearse what your going to say when the other person picks up the line

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When I'm watching an episode of a show that I've seen before with a friend, I say a part that is coming up ahead and act like I guessed.

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Whenever I'm doing my makeup I pretend I'm doing a makeup tutorial on Youtube.

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Every time I open a door, I shout out "Alohamora!" and then I open it.

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I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Wishing you could go back in time and do a situation over again, becuase you regret the stuff you did.

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Whenever I'm chewing on gum that has lost its flavor, I extract the gum from my mouth using my fingers before putting it back in so the flavor would return.

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Here's a fun game I play if I wake up in the middle of the night: I look over at the alarm clock and see what numbers are displayed. Then I shut my eyes tightly and wait a few seconds before opening them again. If I open my eyes and see that the numbers on the alarm clock have changed, I win. If I open my eyes and they didn't, I lose.

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Look at every individual line on my hands and see if they are identicle

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I feel that there is something sinister going on in government

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I click my teeth to music

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I hate it whenever i hear Manny Paquiao saying "you know" in every interviews he make. Am i the only one who notice it?

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i feel relived after i prick and see that hard-white thinggy that oozes outside my annoying acne.

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I think I have superpowers and sometimes I try to use them by force, like lifting a pencil with my mind or elevate from the ground.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.