I really enjoy self-pity.

masturbate... with condoms and gloves because male genitalia is gross and clean up takes just a few seconds rather than minutes

I fantasize about my idol as I try to fall sleep at night. He's Michael Jackson.

when i have to go down stairs at night, i have to sprint up the stairs in case there are ghosts/monsters never dangle my feet over the bed in case something tickles/touches them

Use head & "Shoulders" for pubic hair

Get sharp pains in your chest whenever you're watching or reading a sex scene.

Put my hands together the 'other' way

I can read people's life's and figure out the truth about them with out them telling me how their life is

Ask someone "what" when they tell you something even though you heard them clearly

Has anyone else ever wondered why the women in shows and movies lie with the blanket covering them after apparently having sex with the other person.

When I am bored, usually in class, I simulate what I would do if the zombie apocalypse was occurring right now.

When In the car, use th bug guts to ramp up all of the culverts and when you don't have a landing for a while, pretend that you got a speed bonus and are soaring with some amazing air.-dillon

I sometimes deliberately miss buses or trains even though I could easily board them.

Think to myself "If I would have stuck to my diet I would be at my goal weight by now"

Pick my nose with my elbow, that way I keep my nails clean.

When I'm in the shower and I hear a noise I automatically think someone broke into my house and killed my family and that they're coming for me and I will have to fight off the killer naked.

When a tooth is very loose,i shake it with my tongue because that pain is relaxing.

How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

When you start wondering if you're in a dream and suddenly feel trapped

Whenever I look in the bathroom mirror, I fear that I will see a terrible bloody monster standing behind me. I convince myself of this so completely that I panic and rush out right after I pee.

Right before I go to the dentist I brush my teeth.

sit closer to the water so my poop isn't so loud..

When I loose something , I buy a new one, then continue to find the old one the next day.

When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.