I sometimes try to summon things with the force of my thoughts...I would be so useful...but no way, nothing ever moves.

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I get creeped out if I haven't looked at a clock in a while and when I finally do it reads 9:11

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Check the toilet paper after wiping your ass

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Sometimes when I fart while sitting down, I lift one leg up.

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when you're microwaving something and you have to pee, you run to the bathroom. then you run back to see if there is still time left before the "bomb" goes off.

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Nodding while talking on the phone then remembering the person can't see you

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While watching a movie, I imagine that same movie in my mind only replacing the characters with different ones from other series or videogames that I like. It just seems to make the movie better.

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Start to cry when your alone, but stop yourself because you don't want to look like a pussy.

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when I go shopping I go in the store, get what I need and then I leave I don't browse.

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Every time I watch the movie I cry when the babysitter sings that song in the blues bar in the movie "Adventures In Babysitting"

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having cool friends, but all their other friends are nerds.

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I very carefully smell what I'm about to eat before I eat it, but I'd most likely eat it, even if I hadn't smelled it first.

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have you ever thought of a relative when masturbating?

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Saying something stupid and then claiming it was an inside joke so you don't look stupid.

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Seeing an acquaintance who you would feel awkward talking to in a public place, knowing they see you as well, and pretending not to see them, while hoping they pretend not to see you as well.

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Go up stairs two steps at a time. Avoid those stairs forever if there are an odd number and I have to end in a single step.

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watch lesbian porn instead of normal because you hate have other men in the picture

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I translate (parts of) songs into different languages in my head. I try to do it as good as possible.

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you turn the dial on your microwave until it reaches as far as it can go

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Cover the built in webcam on my laptop when I'm using it with a folded piece of paper just in case

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I have mixed emotions when I drop a piece of food on the ground, like a chicken nugget, M&M, scoop of ice cream, etc - because part of me thinks it is sad because its only goal in life was to be eaten... but then the other part of me is happy for it, because it is possible that it *didn't* want to be eaten and has just made a successful escape. O_o

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Fake a yawn to see if other people will yawn back.

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Count how many steps there are in a stairwell I use often and then try to take it by same number each time... Eg if there are 16 then always go by twos and missing the others!?!?!?

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Have a fantasy where Jesus Christ is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart while Garth Brooks gives birth to something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.