I no longer trust any of my local news because they appear to have an agenda

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i answer "why" to questions and then when someone gets pissed i say "when" Hey Jim, how's Mary? Why? Because she's your sister and I care about you. Why? Because you're my best friend. Why? STOP IT! When?

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I can't help but wonder why people write things on web sites and don't bother checking their spelling. Now they look like an idiot no matter how funny or interesting it might have been.

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masturbate quietly in my room.

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Listen to song and think of a great montage that would go with it.

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Realizes there is less toilet paper than first thought. Hobbles across bathroom to find more. Failure. Take shower.

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Before drinking the actual soft drink, I drink the fizz as fast as I can.

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Walking with your friend talking about everything then you and your friend walk by someone you don't know and it gets awkwardly quiet

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do things without turning the lights on and feel like a ninja.

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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when you mouth words (but saying them out loud) when someone can't hear you

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Mayada stupid

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I sleep in my underpants every single night

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Sometimes there is a hair in my butt and then I pull it slowly out. And it feels funny.

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Scroll aimlessly through the posts on this website and for some reason, creepily stop and check the comments on the one that has the word "boobs" in it.

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jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

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I have had a dream where my teeth fall out.

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Sit on the back of the commode when at work to give yourself an impromptu break.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

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Cringe when remembering something weird about you that happened years ago

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I HATE minecraft gift codes and the morons who post about them. I wish those morons would get off my planet.

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Think about the things you could do with you had the power to stop the time.

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I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.