Smoking a cigarette on the toilet and then accidentally ashing directly into your panties. Everytime.

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I wonder if elections are rigged?

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I use my phone's auto-correct to make sure the words I'm writing are correct.

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I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

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When Im going to sleep , I try to think of good things so I wont think of scary things

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I flick through the channels on my TV really fast to try and make a complete sentence.

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Happy April 28th everyone! Today is the first day of the rest of your lives, a time for new beginnings to run wild, a time to put a final ending to the past mistakes and troubling thoughts that may have been clouding your mind for far too long until now... The time is here, The time is now, Today is the day, Right here, right now, Right this moment, This is the right time... This, IS THE TIME TO DECIDE... To take time to make time, and let time pass by while you try to decide on how you wanna live your life? Falling into the same patterns as time before, and as will be, time after time? OR, simply, you can choose to LIVE... letting yourself have the time of YOUR LIFE!!! =) The choice is yours, what will you decide??? <3

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sometimes when I listen to a song while riding in the car I look out the window and pretend I'm in some angsty music video

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When I tell human garbage that I am the Fallen Angel, they laugh at me, then I make them spontaneously combust. Moral: What moral whore?

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calling someone and it rings so long you forget who your calling and when they answer you have to look at your caller i.d to remember.

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accidently sleep on my arm and it falls asleep

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When you Sitting on the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

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Tape your dick to your leg to fit into tight pants

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I hum the MLP:FIM theme and hope no one recognizes the tune.

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Whenever I watch TV, the volume has to be on multiples of 5. Even if the perfect volume is in between.

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Whilst passing a mega dump or room clearer as my brother calls them I come up with songs...sometimes in spanish

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I spin around in a spot, and then close my eyes and tilt my head up and to the opposite side i'm spinning to. It just feels awesome and it's even better while listening to music.

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I take pains to be Anti-Democrat and Anti-Republican. Because both parties are really gross money & career machines beholden to industry. I really am middle-of-the-road on lots of issues. even though I don't understand what the fuck makes an intelligent conservative tick. but I may just be biased because it's all neo-cons on the news. idk.

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Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

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Whenever I cross the road with someone I try to walk faster then them just in case a car comes it won't drive me over.

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Say to yourself "I really should get that work done" then do nothing about it

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get bored so I fist myself for money

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When your watching a YouTube video and you have to watch an AD, you mute it and turn your head away because your just that pissed off at the company.

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Sleeping with one leg under the blanket and one out.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.