When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

When you need something from someone and you forget what it's called,So then you have to awkwardly explain it.

think that your whole life is just a dream and that you're going to wake up someday

Inspect the mirrors in store changing rooms in case they are one-way glass. Make faces into mirror as if you know they're back there.

I have seen one of my submissions listed under "Quotes from other sites"

Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

When in a outhouse I get scared that I can't unlock the door. This one time in the winter the lock froze and I was almost stuck

Afraid to do something your crush is doing so they don't think you're stalking them, even though you really want to. -B

I hold in my shit only because i am soo occupied with my current task.

Get a mini heart attack when your rocking on your chair and you nearly fall off

When I see someone who is clearly wealthy, I think to myself "I could do it better than you..."

hate Justin Bieber

when home alone, I sing a song like im performing it in front of a crowd of a thousand people and any object nearby usually becomes my microphone

getting really nervous about random white vans that drive by you.

as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

When you are thinking, and you think about what you are thinking. You are automatically purposely thinking until you stop thinking about it. I am thinking about thinking about how I think right now. I think...

Taking the little rings off the top of my bottles.

Wanting to change your name to Peter Jankins

I sometime's wonder if other people can see and feel everything I can but are just in my body too judge me.

When I used to go on car rides at night I would look up at the moon and I would think it was following us.

I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

disgusted by people that are obsessed with poo and pee

Write my own music without literally writing it on something even though I'm only grade 3

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.