When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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When you need something from someone and you forget what it's called,So then you have to awkwardly explain it.

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think that your whole life is just a dream and that you're going to wake up someday

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Inspect the mirrors in store changing rooms in case they are one-way glass. Make faces into mirror as if you know they're back there.

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I have seen one of my submissions listed under "Quotes from other sites"

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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When in a outhouse I get scared that I can't unlock the door. This one time in the winter the lock froze and I was almost stuck

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Afraid to do something your crush is doing so they don't think you're stalking them, even though you really want to. -B

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I hold in my shit only because i am soo occupied with my current task.

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Get a mini heart attack when your rocking on your chair and you nearly fall off

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When I see someone who is clearly wealthy, I think to myself "I could do it better than you..."

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hate Justin Bieber

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when home alone, I sing a song like im performing it in front of a crowd of a thousand people and any object nearby usually becomes my microphone

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getting really nervous about random white vans that drive by you.

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as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

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When you are thinking, and you think about what you are thinking. You are automatically purposely thinking until you stop thinking about it. I am thinking about thinking about how I think right now. I think...

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Taking the little rings off the top of my bottles.

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Wanting to change your name to Peter Jankins

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I sometime's wonder if other people can see and feel everything I can but are just in my body too judge me.

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When I used to go on car rides at night I would look up at the moon and I would think it was following us.

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I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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disgusted by people that are obsessed with poo and pee

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Write my own music without literally writing it on something even though I'm only grade 3

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.