Sweep up the dirt into the dustpan and sweep the stuff you can't get under the cabinet.

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

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Stare at something long enough thinking it will eventually move.

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sometimes when i'm talking to myself and someone walks in the room i have to make them believe what i'm saying is a song!!

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Sometimes when you're at work and you're REALLY horny, you look around at the women you work with and think who you really would like to bone, then on another particular day when you aren't horny, you see the same women and think to yourself " I must have REALLY been horny. What was I thinking?" lol (not trying to be gross, but honestly, who doesn't get horny while at work sometimes)

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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Touch something dirty with one hand then wash it but then wash the other hand cause it feels weird when it's not wet like your other hand.

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I really don't know what to do when i see a double post on here. I mean, i get that people like to do stuff with their feet when their in bed, but somehow al lot of these people do not find it enough to vote up an existing post.

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SOMETIMES I SHIT ON MY HAND.... IN THE SHOWER

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fart then blame it on the guy next to me realizing theres no one near me and everyone looks at me....awkward

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Admit, that most of your saved files on you´re computer have titles like: sdfdshleh / sjjs87 / sjflekeh

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Hthe temptation to go up on the roof but when u get to where u go out get freaked and run away

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I can only play a piano with my right hand

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When Ive already talked to somebody , I think of things I couldve said to make the converstion better

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Before I go to sleep, I imagine what it would be like dating a really hot actor or singer and think of dramatic scenarios that could happen.

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like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

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Mentally preparing yourself to step on a crunchy-looking leaf, only to discover it is in fact soggy, soft and unsatisfactory.

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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Every time I watch the movie I cry when the babysitter sings that song in the blues bar in the movie "Adventures In Babysitting"

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You feel like someone can read your mind so you try not to think about stupid stuff.

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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Before I go to bed I have to put one of my hands between my knees in order to warm up and get comfy.

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I scratch and sniff.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.