I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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talking on the phone with somebody and then spending 10 minutes or so looking for your phone...

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find a nice photograph of food from the web and post it on fb just to watch my retard friends make a big deal out of it.

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Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

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If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Boy:did it hurt? Me: Did what hurt? Boy:When you fell from heaven. Me: I came frome the pits of hell! Boy: Well then...O__O

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on hot summer days when I exit the shower I only dry off my legs to the point where they aren't dripping but my leg hair is still wet.

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When i wake up from a good dream, i close my eyes and imagine the ending in different ways.

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when you are at home doing something then all of a sudden you imagine how you would take down a killer if he came into your home right now. just me?

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when your professor describes their wife or husband you imagine their wife or husband.

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Put a few bits of toilet paper in the toilet before having a poo so there is no splash!

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when i piss in the toilet, i flush half way through and race the toilet to the finish.

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CORRECTION, THINGS I KNOW ONLY I DO. OWN YOU ALL HAAAAAAAAAAAARD! Moral: DOUBLE FLAWLESS! EXPLOSION SOUND!

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When i see people even strangers , in my mind i wonder if there virgins or not .

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Sometimes when I'm excitedly hurrying out of the house, I skip for a brief moment.

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When realizing i'm being a little bitchy, I laugh and smile right after my sentence to make myself seem a little nicer.

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When I'm driving through traffic lights that are green, I use my psychic powers to make them change so no one behind me gets through.

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When I'm walking along and just trip over my own foot I look back and pretend to look at whatever it was I tripped over.

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"Hey, did you see that new episode last night?" "Yeah!" "Do you remember that part when he ran through the city?" "Yeah!" LIES

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Peeing in the shower

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When bored in class.. I catch eyes with someone across the room and look away fast, then act "cool" for the next 10 minutes because I still think they're looking at me...

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I think something is gonna get me at night when I walk out of my brothers roomso I look behind me and run and usually bump into a wall

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When the wind is blowing like crazy, I pretend I am the god who controls it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.