I wonder if elections are rigged?

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Sometimes I find myself staring at the television only to realize its off.

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Open blinds when taking a poop to look outside, then realize that someone could be watching you.

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Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

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Be talking to someone about something random, then a few days later or so... something very relevant to that happens, then you think to yourself "I'm sure I can tell the future"... I'm very confident that, that is just me...

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I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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Whenever we watch a movie or stupid educational film in school, I sleep.

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feed a gecko worms every day, not the good worms though...

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Sometimes i think i've been living a dream life, and one day im really gonna wake up in the middle of 9th grade math class and have to explain why i was sleeping on my desk and jerking off so much.

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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In my head, my life is some kind of on-going documentary about my life. Sometimes when I'm alone, I conduct interviews.

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Ever dreamt of being naked and then waking up in horror.

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When serving grilled steak, I always make sure I get the best one.

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think that the NSA is always watching what you do online at any time you are even connected.

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Whenever people dare accuse me of being too full off myself I tell them. Moral: I cant get to full of myself, the more me, the less you, ALL THE BETTER FOR EVERYONE! WE ARE VICTORY! (except you)

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I pick at my cuticles when I'm bored.

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stand in front of a mirror with your headphones in, and lip sync the words of the song playing to pretend you are singing in a music video

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Every time I walk up the stairs in my own house, I feel compelled to do it on all fours.

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sometimes i poop in my pants and like the smell of my poop. Smells like whatever i just ate.

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I twist my pubes into little spikes when I pee.

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you turn the dial on your microwave until it reaches as far as it can go

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hover over public toilets and end up leaving a sprinkling of pee that lands uniformly all over on the seat then use a big wad of TP and my foot to wipe down the seat.

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When im out with my dad in the car i swear traffic lights always seem to go to red when were coming

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taking your t shirt or sweatshirt off quickly so nothing gets you while its over your face

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.