Every time I see a pretty girl,the first thing I think is how I'd love to pin her down and tickle her.

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Will use delayed foot-to-ass insults on verbal bullies. You know, the kind that goes off in the persons head days or weeks after they thought they won an argument with me.

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I use my magic powers to give shaddy politicians their comeuppance (I don't have any magic powers lol)

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Mostly make fun of my best friends but never make fun of just regular friends

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Be a loner at school

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Waiting with a friend the microwave countdown finish and when comes to 0 shout "Happy New Year!" and we hug each other

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Sometimes I turn on my bedroom fan at night just so i can use heavier blankets.

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Hit the off button on the microwave three times to simulate the sound it makes when time is up.

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When I Was Little I Always Slept On My Stomach Even If I Wasn't Comfortable Because I Thought It Would Be Harder For Aliens To Abduct Me.

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When an ice cube fall on the floor I kick it under the fridge.

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On an one night if I come too fast .je persuade the girl that I have to forget my cellular in my automobile and I get out

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If im eating food i shouldnt and i dont want anybody to know i jump if anyone comes in and catches me.

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Pretending I'm in a phone call when I don't want someone to talk to me.

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Laughing randomly because you remembered something that was funny earlier

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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Sometimes I find myself staring at the television only to realize its off.

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Always fantasize about grabbing a cop's gun from his holster. Just because I am pretty sure I could.

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i see things on this site and am secretly glad im not weird like everyone else

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Attempting to silently sneak a fart, then it erupts from your anus.

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check shower for murder then pee

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Cannot even read a word when a blonde lady sits in front of me in a library.

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Feel uncomfortable with the TV volume on an odd number

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Whenever I send or receive texts, I always make it a point to have more received texts than sent ones. It makes me feel popular.

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Awkward moment... Pretend to send a text.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.