I sometimes wonder what my past self would do differently if it knew what would be going on now

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I'm 30, but to this day I still have fantasies about rescuing the girl that I'm secretly in love with from a dangerous situation. The fantasies get increasingly ridiculous, sometimes they even involve superhero stuff. It's as if my own mind was trying to let me know that I should grow the f*** up.

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I really like the day I was born even though there is nothing special about it like Dec 25 or May 20 (Christmas or Independence day)

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Whenever I order a lot of food at a fast food place for myself, I order an extra drink just so they think it's for two people.

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losing something in the house, looking for it and then for some reason if I can't find it, I look in all the same places again

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Sometime i'll see someone or something like a person or a car and visualize a big meteorite smashing then out of nowhere.

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When standing in long lines (stores, banks etc..) I think about how other people would react if I puked all over the place with no warning.

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after switching lights..i go run as hard as i could do after reaching the bed

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Become paranoid that this is not the real world, and instead is some coma induced dream.

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when someone mispronounces something I say the correct pronunciation quietly under my breath so it doesn't bother me

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Think that the person driving keeps staring at me when ever they look in the mirror and I'm sat in the back.

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You laugh to yourself when you think you are alone in a street but then you notice somebody in a car looking at you.

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Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

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Fart when i'm alone RIGHT before someone walks in... try to talk over the smell...

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go to the bathroom, turn on the hot water, get undressed so that the water has time to heat up

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Listening to music---You HAVE to grind you teeth along with the song.

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Opening the fridge door, then trying to accomplish pouring a drink, before the door seals itself forever leaving the cola to the mercy of the outside world.

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pleasure my self... because I didn't they automatically censored certain words

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FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAPFAP FAP ::TROLLFACE::

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Don't have to poop for a week until I get in the shower

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whenever I come across a website like this, I try to read through every post as fast as I can. When I reach the end, I feel like I accomplished something but sad I have no more to read.

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popping the lenses out of 3D glasses and wearing them when your doing homework or studying because it makes you feel smarter.

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shag your mom

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When I'm peeing in the urinal, I aim to the side so it doesn't deflect back on me.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.