Sometimes when I'm all alone, I like to rub vasceline on myself and pretend I'm a slug.

Whenever I see a girl, I always do the math for how good they would be for banging

get really confused

stop the microwave when I hear the food popping

I get really annoyed by the constant audience laughter in some tv shows even when nothing funny is said

Drool a lil bit and continue eating...

Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

Whenever someone dies I try to guess who will die next so I wont be as shocked

Reading the things people post on here and realising your not as weird as you thought.

Live in a house my whole life and still not know what switch does which

Wonder who decide what news stories we see and don't see?

Guessing on those annoying Captcha things and then getting unnecessarily angry when it tells you you're wrong.

When I am home alone and I hear something upstairs, I pretend my Dad is here and say really loudly, "Hey Dad! When are you going to your violent national wrestling match tonight?!"

When I see interactive ads on webpages ( "Shoot 5 iPhones And Get One Free!" type of windows ), I feel compelled to finish the task, even though I KNOW it's going to open a pop-up and waste 10 seconds of my life.

I constantly try to turn something I say into my catch phrase.

Sometimes i think i've been living a dream life, and one day im really gonna wake up in the middle of 9th grade math class and have to explain why i was sleeping on my desk and jerking off so much.

If I am waiting on someone and they are late, I start mentally listing their faults, flaws and mistakes but feel kind of bad for doing it when they finally show up.

sometimes when im in the shower and i hear the slightest bump i look behind the curtains to see if anyone is about to scare me

i would air drum even if theres no music playing

I can't get out of bed in the mornings unless the alarm clock reads 0 or 5.

use the shower water running of my arms and hands to shoot off random hairs inside the shower

Sing every word to Bohemian Rhapsody every time you hear it in the most dramatic way possible.

Find a really good joke on the internet and pretend you came up with it to make your friends think you're funny

Wishing you were living in that time when men were still gentlemen. Holds doors, brings flowers, chooses you over job.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.