When theres a sex scene in the movie I like to jack off to see if I would last as long as the man -deadpool (yogurt)

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When you walk across a cross walk and you stretch your steps so it takes one step for each line, yet you still try to look casual because ur in public

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Am I the only one that thinks of things, and force yourself to not to think about it, then you hear people laugh or go "OHHHH" so you think that you said your thoughts out loud and everyone heard?

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Pretend you and your classmates are in a Hunger Games scenario.

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Feels my beard with my tongue.

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skipping back to the start of the guitar solo over and over so I can pretend I'm playing it

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Post one on this site thinking everyone will love you but then you realize you're the 2,833 person to post on this site and no one will ever see it. If this is still where it was when I posted it, then congratulations! You've read through 300 FUCKING PAGES! (that meant go get a job)

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I take pains to be Anti-Democrat and Anti-Republican. Because both parties are really gross money & career machines beholden to industry. I really am middle-of-the-road on lots of issues. even though I don't understand what the fuck makes an intelligent conservative tick. but I may just be biased because it's all neo-cons on the news. idk.

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when home alone, I sing a song like im performing it in front of a crowd of a thousand people and any object nearby usually becomes my microphone

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I don't know about anyone else but I really felt bad when the Lich killed Prismo in Adventure Time

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I was the real Stig...

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Sometimes, for no real reason, I'll make strange or funny noises when no one is around.

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Put a few bits of toilet paper in the toilet before having a poo so there is no splash!

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Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

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sometimes i feel like the person i look at in the mirror is not my own reflection

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"Hey, did you see that new episode last night?" "Yeah!" "Do you remember that part when he ran through the city?" "Yeah!" LIES

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When I'm in a car and I hear a song on the radio, I always imagine myself performing it perfectly in front of a crowd even though I know I'd never be able to do that. I've done this since I was very young and still do.

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if your listening to music, move the volume up and down to experience the bass a lil better

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I don't like to meet people when I'm well dressed because that's not me all of the time.

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use the restroom at a different floor/building when taking a dump at work.

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Blink and pretend that you just took a picture with your eyes.

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When looking at a digital clock that counts down to seconds, I wait until the seconds are an even number, then I try to say each number in order twice before it changes.

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Walking into the little door at the store that people put the carts though.

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Sometimes I reflect on my life and just feel humiliated.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.