Surfing nsfw subreddit at work

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I say my first name every night before I go to sleep because I want it to be the last thing I say before I die.

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When you can't hear your friend, but you nodd your head and snicker, hoping it was a joke

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When I was little I used to cover myself all the way up and put pillows around me, then ask my sister if she could see me, trying to be invisible when I sleep just in case someone breaks into my house at night.

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get some of the lyrics to a song wrong. you know theyre wrong, but continue to sing the wrong words anyway, because the real words just don't seem to fit.

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When I forget to brush my teeth, scrape off the plaque on my teeth with my fingernail.

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Wondering if your life is a TV show, and people are watching what you do.

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When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

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Yelling my cats name in my mind to see if i can get him to look at me using the power of my mind

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I pretend that someone can see through my eyes whenever I'm doing something cool, i guess so they think I'm cooler or something.

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I used to eat bath bubbles

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Turn shower water all the way up hot before getting out because it feels good

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Totally piss myself off by thinking of future confrontations that probably won't happen.

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Dutch oven myself when I'm lying in bed trying to sleep

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When I'm about to fart, I close my butthole with cupped hand to smell my own fart. Sometimes after I fart, I bend down just to smell the scent.

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On YouTube , I try to find the clearest music

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Pretend I'm much more popular than I am with people who don't know my social life.

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having cool friends, but all their other friends are nerds.

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Put toilet paper in the toilet before i poop so the water dosent splash

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I see something glittery, someone tells me not to pick it up because I'll glitter all over myself, I pick it up anyway and glitter all over myself.

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I get mad at characters on tv and i shoot the screen with my Nerf gun

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Sometimes I think the whole world is set up, and I feel like I'm living in some kind of Truman Show. I even sometimes say "I know you're there" to the moon.

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Rub boogers under the arm rest on the couch.

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Really really happy that resisted getting a facebook or twitter account

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.