When you can't be bothered to go to the toilet so you stay watching tv or going on your laptop while trying to hold it in.

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sometime i poop in my hand, then put it in the toilet so it makes less noise and the water doesn't splash up my butt.

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if something stands for something, i come up with my own version of it.

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When im in a public toilet, i try not to make any sounds when taking a crap, not even a fart, so that when i come out no one will think i was taking a crap.

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Think about my life as a book when I'm in public, for example "I then walked over to my friend to say hello to him."

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Tried to suck ur own penis

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I wonder do females have morning wood equivalent?

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I translate (parts of) songs into different languages in my head. I try to do it as good as possible.

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Sometimes I wonder if the blue/green/red etc. I see is the same blue/green/red etc. you see

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When making something I pretend I'm making a YouTube video of it and pretend I am getting lots of views

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Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

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use tweezers to pull out leg hair or armpit hair out of sheer boredom.

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When you sit down to a great dinner with all your favorite foods and then the nanosecond your ass touches the chair you are instantly he most tired and uninterested in food than you have ever been before

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when someone says something like 'it's too late' i always start singing 'to apologizeeeeee' even though i think people are annoyed of me always singing along to their sentences and changing the meaning, but i just cannot stop it

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I sometimes wonder if the world is even real.

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All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

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I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

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trip over nothing. break into spontaneous dancing.

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When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

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Get my belt loop caught on the door handle,

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When I hear footsteps approaching while I'm sitting on the toilet, I'm getting ready to jump at the door in case I actually forgot to lock it.

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I take a dump and then look to see how big it is.

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When in a public toilet, I never leave the cubicle until everyone is either out of the room or in their own cubicle.

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Will use delayed foot-to-ass insults on verbal bullies. You know, the kind that goes off in the persons head days or weeks after they thought they won an argument with me.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.