When a stripper sucks you so hard that the tip of your penis gets circumcised

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I chew on anything plastic. I don't think there's a pen that I haven't chewed on or a plastic cap I haven't put in my mouth. It's a horrible habit but it feels so DAMN GOOD TO CHEW!

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sometimes when i wipe my nose a booger will get on my hand then ill get to lazy to get it off and wipe it under my chair.

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When you tell yourself that this is the last page you'll read and end up reading three more.

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Not doing any work Feel guilty about it Then still do no work

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Fantasize a situation that turns you into a person with superpowers or something.

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The longer it takes me to find the light switch in the dark the more frantic and terrified I become.

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Bathroom occupied, piss in the kitchen sink.

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Think about what you're going to tell your kids about your childhood when you grow-up.

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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Trying to do things before the microwave beeps .

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i wonder why someone decided to spell words unusually for example why couldn't because be spelt becuz the way it sounds?!

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Look at the clock, then instantly forget what time it is and look again.

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Taking the time to lick all of the cream off of the inside of an Oreo.

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Reading the things people post on here and realising your not as weird as you thought.

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Always coming up with a really great comeback in my head 5 seconds too late. And then playing out what would have happened if I had said it.

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I flush the toilet if the water's green and I'm going to have a poo, so it doesn't splash me.

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I am a masculine guy but in private I listen to very sensitive songs. ie: careless wispers

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hold my shirt with my chin when i'm peeing.

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Fill up a glass, drink half, then fill it up again.

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When two people in my house are arguing, I stay in my room to avoid awkwardly interrupting them and being dragged into it.

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before i go to sleep i must check the front door knob multiple times to make sure its locked

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think about all of the things you would do if you were the only person on earth

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Attempting to silently sneak a fart, then it erupts from your anus.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.