Sometimes when I'm all alone, I like to rub vasceline on myself and pretend I'm a slug.

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Whenever I see a girl, I always do the math for how good they would be for banging

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get really confused

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stop the microwave when I hear the food popping

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I get really annoyed by the constant audience laughter in some tv shows even when nothing funny is said

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Drool a lil bit and continue eating...

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Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

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Whenever someone dies I try to guess who will die next so I wont be as shocked

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Reading the things people post on here and realising your not as weird as you thought.

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Live in a house my whole life and still not know what switch does which

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Wonder who decide what news stories we see and don't see?

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Guessing on those annoying Captcha things and then getting unnecessarily angry when it tells you you're wrong.

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When I am home alone and I hear something upstairs, I pretend my Dad is here and say really loudly, "Hey Dad! When are you going to your violent national wrestling match tonight?!"

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When I see interactive ads on webpages ( "Shoot 5 iPhones And Get One Free!" type of windows ), I feel compelled to finish the task, even though I KNOW it's going to open a pop-up and waste 10 seconds of my life.

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I constantly try to turn something I say into my catch phrase.

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Sometimes i think i've been living a dream life, and one day im really gonna wake up in the middle of 9th grade math class and have to explain why i was sleeping on my desk and jerking off so much.

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If I am waiting on someone and they are late, I start mentally listing their faults, flaws and mistakes but feel kind of bad for doing it when they finally show up.

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sometimes when im in the shower and i hear the slightest bump i look behind the curtains to see if anyone is about to scare me

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i would air drum even if theres no music playing

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I can't get out of bed in the mornings unless the alarm clock reads 0 or 5.

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use the shower water running of my arms and hands to shoot off random hairs inside the shower

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Sing every word to Bohemian Rhapsody every time you hear it in the most dramatic way possible.

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Find a really good joke on the internet and pretend you came up with it to make your friends think you're funny

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Wishing you were living in that time when men were still gentlemen. Holds doors, brings flowers, chooses you over job.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.