I often force my mind to think that i'm slowing down time at will just to feel awesome (like when walking down the street i try to make the all cars slow down).

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When I'm in the shower I condition my pubes so they get nice and soft.

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When I first start dating or seeing someone I write down options for conversation starters before I phone them in case it goes silent.

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Know you have enough milk in your cereal when you start to see it peek through the cracks

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creating your own personal perfect partner in romance or frendship, almost like a imaginary friend (but you don't speak to them out loud)

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When you are almost crying while laughing in a silent area, you have to think terrible thoughts just to get rid of the laughing.

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When I'm home alone at night, and the lights are on so you can't see anything out the windows, I will stop randomly and stare out the window to make anyone watching me think I know that they are there.

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Seriously I am tired but, I read the fucking solvemedia stating "forget this", then I stood there for a moment having just forgot what I was supposed to type. "Was I not supposed to forget what I just read?" Nero: BRAINWASHING! FORGET THIS AND LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR MOTHER! IM LEUTANANT BANGUS YOUR MUTHERUS YOU IDIOT!

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While watching a movie, I imagine that same movie in my mind only replacing the characters with different ones from other series or videogames that I like. It just seems to make the movie better.

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flushing the toilet eventho not yet finish pee-ing. So that the water sucks it right after the last drop of your pee. Saves 2-3seconds of your life.

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like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

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Accidently send an empty text or text multiple people and send wrong text to wrong person

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I like wet humping better than f*cking. but sometimes it slips in anyway, and it's that's pretty enjoyable too. and mt girlfriend is cool with. ... so it's actualy pretty whatevs either way. but wet humping is my jam.

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LOG OFF OF ICHAT BECAUSE THE PERSON U WERE JUST TALKING TO WENT OFFLINE.

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When dunking oreos I like to hold it under the milk and watch the bubbles til they stop

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My login password is INCORRECT so if I forget it my computer will say "your password is incorrect"

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eating a sandwich with strategically placed bites such that i get the same ratio of crust to tastier non-crust sandwich center in each bite. sometimes i just take two smaller bites of crust and center part so that i don't have to taste mostly bread crust in a mouthful.

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Whenever I look in the bathroom mirror, I fear that I will see a terrible bloody monster standing behind me. I convince myself of this so completely that I panic and rush out right after I pee.

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use my phone as an alarm clock for waking up. but sets the time in PM instead of AM.

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Fear that the CIA is secretly wathing you.

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have you ever thought of a relative when masturbating?

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My daily agenda: wake up take a crap get out of bed...

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when my mum buys way too much of something I imagine were one of those 'doomsday preppers' families, with mounds of supplies in our basement.

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Questioning why they make the Captcha's(spamblocker) SO hard to read

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.