after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

thumb_up thumb_down -41

I put the volume on my television so it is on any number divisible by five (5-10-15 etc. etc.)

thumb_up thumb_down -26

If I drop a piece of candy on the floor, I have to drop another piece so it won,t be lonely

thumb_up thumb_down -82

When Ive just intentionally committed some minor traffic offense (speeding, illegal U-turn) and suddenly worry a cop may have spotted me and act to myself in the car as if I was truly confused and have no idea what I did wrong, like moving my head around and saying, "Huh? Where's that house?"

thumb_up thumb_down -57

1.Open the fridge...nothing to eat :/ 2.Open the cabinet...nothing to eat :/ 3.Lower expectations..and then repeat :)

thumb_up thumb_down +197

Get turned on lookin at my own butt

thumb_up thumb_down -39

my solve media says spare is big but it was space is big

thumb_up thumb_down -7

I constantly try to turn something I say into my catch phrase.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Don't have to poop for a week until I get in the shower

thumb_up thumb_down -81

I eat something and read book/newspaper/magazine at the same time. Then i take food crumbs off the book and eat them too.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

do math problems in my head while having sex to keep from coming

thumb_up thumb_down +11

okay,So we bought a 1000 piece puzzle and made a point to put it together when it was done we found that it was missing a piece so we went back to the same store bought the same puzzle and went through it until we found the missing piece then returned it.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

use tweezers to pull out leg hair or armpit hair out of sheer boredom.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

I chuckle whenever I hear the phase "Stark raving mad." I don't know why.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Clenching my fists, imagining I have wolverine claws coming out of my knuckles

thumb_up thumb_down -27

I read the down voted posts

thumb_up thumb_down -30

When a passneger in the car, I sing songs in my head and hope the song is in time with the signs and streetlights as I drive past them.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Pretend it doesn't hurt when someone I try for rejects me, but it does hurt, a lot.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

When i think about something hilarious that happened previously and laugh about it days later at the most innappropriate time.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

Multi task while your brushing your teeth and forget you have a tooth brush in your mouth.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

I wonder do females have morning wood equivalent?

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Every new years eve I like to watch the date on my computer change all three the day, the month, and the year

thumb_up thumb_down -47

When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Stick my tongue inside the ramen noodle flavor bag when im dne with it.

thumb_up thumb_down -126

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.