If two cars towing boats were to crash into each other, Would that make it a boating accident?

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The longer it takes me to find the light switch in the dark the more frantic and terrified I become.

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Cover myself in Vaseline and cry in the dark for 4, maybe 5 hours with or without a wooden splintery dildo in my arse.

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While im showering, I place my hands in a certain position so it looks like I can shoot water out of my fingers.

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Imagine the perfect video game and wonder why nobody made it yet.

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When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

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When I was little and I saw disney's hercules I had no idea why Meg was working for Hades

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Hum up and down in pitch because it makes LED displays dance around.

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I don't like being told what I will do or how I will feel.

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I like to think I'm a Lion or cat.

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"????????? ???? ?????! ??? ?? ???????? UH1 HUEY!!! ??? ?? ???????? ??????? ??????????? ?????, ????????? ?? ??????? ? ??????????????? ???????!!! ?????? ????, ???????????????? ?? ???????, ?? ?????? ??????? ?? ????! ???? ???????????? ???????, ????? ??????? ???? ??? ?????????, ? ??????????? ?????, ??? ????????? ??????? ??????????? ?????!!! ? ??? ?? ????? ???? ??????? ??????????? ??????????. ???????? ????????,???? ????, ??? ??????? ?????? ??? ????? ??? ????? ???? ? ??????. "

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Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

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Walking with your friend talking about everything then you and your friend walk by someone you don't know and it gets awkwardly quiet

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Sometimes when you're at work and you're REALLY horny, you look around at the women you work with and think who you really would like to bone, then on another particular day when you aren't horny, you see the same women and think to yourself " I must have REALLY been horny. What was I thinking?" lol (not trying to be gross, but honestly, who doesn't get horny while at work sometimes)

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I can't help but wonder why people write things on web sites and don't bother checking their spelling. Now they look like an idiot no matter how funny or interesting it might have been.

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dont wash hands for the recommended 30 seconds

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When you're bored or alone, you think of an argument you had with a friend recently, then think of all the things you should've said and get all powered up inside, but then you realise it's too late -_-

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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(okay maybe not a thing I do but something I noticed) When people call themselves "Writers" In today's world you know that might not be the case because we have computers so shouldn't they be called typers?

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Sit on the loo and think about life because I can't be bothered to get up

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My daily agenda: wake up take a crap get out of bed...

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Close my eyes and squeeze them so I can see colorful stars and galaxies.

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Think of something really hilarious to put on the internet, read the rest of a post, and then forget what you were going to write.

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Take advantage of loud traffic to fart really hard.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.