(1) In the middle of a conversation, I start to think of all the crazy stuff I could do even though I would never want to i.e. punching them in the face, making out with them, flashing them.

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If I have to get up early the following day I will surprisingly wake up early even without an alarm

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I used to drive home from my girlfriend's house late at night and stop on a stretch of road to take a leak. I'd walk backwards while peeing, creating a crooked line of pee in the road. I'd add to it night after night, then I'd drive by in the day to see my long pee stain in the road only I knew about. Anyone who passed by could see it, but only I knew what it was. It would last until the next rain and I'd have to start over.

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Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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When I wake up after having a good dream I try to remember it but I don't

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When I'm in the car I imagine I'm Superman flying along next to the car, whipping under, over and around traffic signs, trees, and fences. Sometimes I then fly up above the traffic a little. Then I get worried I will cause a traffic accident because people will be watching me instead of the road. I've done this since I was a kid. I'm 45 now and I still do it! Sometimes I'm Spider-Man, swing and jumping from truck to truck, car to car to keep moving fast along the highway. And lately, sometimes I do the Superman flying thing, but as Iron Man.

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When sitting with my laptop on the sofa, and a family member is watching TV in the same room, chuckle occasionally at the screen, just so they know you're not watching porn or something.

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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I can't brush my teeth and rinse in the sink right after I flush the toilet, for fear of it being connected somehow, and rinsing with my own piss.

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When you're lying in bed and you fart, you pull the covers over your head to smell it.

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Imagine I'm being filmed in a reality TV show just so I could do something productive or interesting.

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Something that bothers me is when a movie sequel comes out and for whatever reason the same things from the first movie happens so they just end up making the same movie

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think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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Thinking our singing voices are amazing, until we record it and play it back.

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I pee in the shower.

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Thinking something embarrassing, then having to talk to someone and suddenly getting worried you are about to blurt out your thoughts

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Hate when people ask "do you have a bathroom?" It's like "no we crap in the yard!"

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Think that everything has feelings for example, a cushion or a tree

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Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

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whenever you walk into the bathroom with your phone/laptop/electronic device you stay sitting on the toilet even though you are done because you are so engaged with whatever you are doing

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When in long car rides I imagine a little man running or on roller skates next to the car. When A car comes he turns into a ninja and can slide under/jump over or cut the car in half.

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When I see something on facebook i dont like, I like it just so i can unlike it.

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Try to imagine every couple I see having sex.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.