think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

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pick nose in car and realize people can see you when stopped at a red light

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Seriously I am tired but, I read the fucking solvemedia stating "forget this", then I stood there for a moment having just forgot what I was supposed to type. "Was I not supposed to forget what I just read?" Nero: BRAINWASHING! FORGET THIS AND LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR MOTHER! IM LEUTANANT BANGUS YOUR MUTHERUS YOU IDIOT!

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When riding in a car I pump my arms to pretend I'm running at an incredible rate.

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Walk into a public bathroom and go to the urinal, but then stop and think theres some guy who will perv on you and then go in the cubicle.

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Sometimes I imagine that I am in a coma and all of the things of this world are not real. Then when I wake up from the coma I will be the best inventor of all time.

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Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

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as soon as i put some mint gum in my mouth, i sneeze countless times.

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Sometimes at night, I find myself imagining people I know saying my name, trying to get my attention in my head. They won't stop until I respond out loud.

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Feel really paranoid until my game score is a multiple of 5

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Think of something to post but cant put it into words.

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when my parents are gone i shout random stuff

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Checking your phone for a text when you know you don't have one. Matt

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when you read a post that you don't do then start doing it

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When it is raining and a sad song comes on the radio, I look out the window and pretend I am in a movie. -Cocobear

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I wonder why people were happy after the last election

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I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

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Tells a joke only you thought was funny and still laughs then laughs harder because your the only one laughing nikki

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Boy:did it hurt? Me: Did what hurt? Boy:When you fell from heaven. Me: I came frome the pits of hell! Boy: Well then...O__O

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I always find myself criticizing some commercials on television like the first time I see them I think nothing of it but the third or fourth time I think hey wait a second...

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putting your hand in the water in the back of the toilet and thinking its gross toilet water and get grossed out

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I ejaculate fire and glory

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Sometimes when I watch live TV, I mute the TV when I get embarrassed at what is happening on screen to other people.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.