Hit the off button on the microwave three times to simulate the sound it makes when time is up.

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When I masturbate I trade hands often in fear that my penis may become crooked.

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I hate being called "buddy".

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im going to RAPEEEE that girl

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Pee in the shower.

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Suddenly thinking that this is all a dream, and having to pinch yourself to make sure it isn´t. Or is it?

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Gotta sleep with a fan.

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When i'm in the front passenger seat, I still move my foot like im the one driving...

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Shudder when someone bites down on icey poll or an ice cube

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Eat everything inside my burgers first then i eat the buns.

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Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

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I sleep naked cauz It's dead sexy.

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run up the stairs when its night so that the monsters dont catch you

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Think about when im old and im dying and under what circumstances,and think will i remember this day when i thought of it and think,shit that was fast,almost like sending myself a message to the future...if that makes any sense lol

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suddenly get stage fright when in a public bathroom stall and break the awkward silence by pretending you just went in there to get loo paper to blow your nose.

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Delete the whole password when I mess up only the one letter.

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Stalk people on facebook, find out something interesting, and later claim that it 'came up on your newsfeed'.

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Doing something really embarrassing in public and thinking "Doesn't matter, I'll never see these people again.".

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make south park refferences every day

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Go into a card shop, laugh hysterically at the funny ones, then leave. Then whilst walking down the street, you think of them again and burst out laughing. This is highly embarrassing when you're alone!

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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Worry that I'm will go schizophrenic.

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I'm in the middle of a good dream but I wake up and try to go back to sleep to finish it when it never happens.

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Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.