think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

pick nose in car and realize people can see you when stopped at a red light

Seriously I am tired but, I read the fucking solvemedia stating "forget this", then I stood there for a moment having just forgot what I was supposed to type. "Was I not supposed to forget what I just read?" Nero: BRAINWASHING! FORGET THIS AND LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR MOTHER! IM LEUTANANT BANGUS YOUR MUTHERUS YOU IDIOT!

When riding in a car I pump my arms to pretend I'm running at an incredible rate.

Walk into a public bathroom and go to the urinal, but then stop and think theres some guy who will perv on you and then go in the cubicle.

Sometimes I imagine that I am in a coma and all of the things of this world are not real. Then when I wake up from the coma I will be the best inventor of all time.

Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

as soon as i put some mint gum in my mouth, i sneeze countless times.

Sometimes at night, I find myself imagining people I know saying my name, trying to get my attention in my head. They won't stop until I respond out loud.

Feel really paranoid until my game score is a multiple of 5

Think of something to post but cant put it into words.

when my parents are gone i shout random stuff

Checking your phone for a text when you know you don't have one. Matt

when you read a post that you don't do then start doing it

When it is raining and a sad song comes on the radio, I look out the window and pretend I am in a movie. -Cocobear

I wonder why people were happy after the last election

I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

Tells a joke only you thought was funny and still laughs then laughs harder because your the only one laughing nikki

Boy:did it hurt? Me: Did what hurt? Boy:When you fell from heaven. Me: I came frome the pits of hell! Boy: Well then...O__O

I always find myself criticizing some commercials on television like the first time I see them I think nothing of it but the third or fourth time I think hey wait a second...

putting your hand in the water in the back of the toilet and thinking its gross toilet water and get grossed out

I ejaculate fire and glory

Sometimes when I watch live TV, I mute the TV when I get embarrassed at what is happening on screen to other people.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.