- Things You Think Only You Do

worry about your eyebrows sneaking their way up and making wrinkles on your forehead

Flush the toilet before you finish peeing

I like wet humping better than f*cking. but sometimes it slips in anyway, and it's that's pretty enjoyable too. and mt girlfriend is cool with. ... so it's actualy pretty whatevs either way. but wet humping is my jam.

Show up for a blind date and say DAMN, WTF! When they open the door.

When I'm in the car I imagine I'm Superman flying along next to the car, whipping under, over and around traffic signs, trees, and fences. Sometimes I then fly up above the traffic a little. Then I get worried I will cause a traffic accident because people will be watching me instead of the road. I've done this since I was a kid. I'm 45 now and I still do it! Sometimes I'm Spider-Man, swing and jumping from truck to truck, car to car to keep moving fast along the highway. And lately, sometimes I do the Superman flying thing, but as Iron Man.

When I fart I immediately go 'Eww. Who farted? That's gross'. And I blame it on someone else, always works :)

Every room I go into I imagine like there's one of those DVD screen savers that bounces off the walls and i try to guess when it will hist a corner perfectly

Sometimes I toot.

When I'm in the shower and I hear a noise I automatically think someone broke into my house and killed my family and that they're coming for me and I will have to fight off the killer naked.

When Ive just intentionally committed some minor traffic offense (speeding, illegal U-turn) and suddenly worry a cop may have spotted me and act to myself in the car as if I was truly confused and have no idea what I did wrong, like moving my head around and saying, "Huh? Where's that house?"

use the restroom at a different floor/building when taking a dump at work.

I look at my phone screen when i'm in an uncomfortable situation, and five minutes later i have to look again cause somebody asks what time it is.

Start thinking about how your walking, and then worry that you may lose control of your legs and fall.

If I'm walking in the mall and realize I'm going in the wrong direction, I can't just double back, 'cause everyone would think I'm dumb for going in the wrong direction. Instead, I perform a slow U-turn to the other side of the walkway; either that or pretend to get an important text/phone call that forces me to do the quick turnaround. SAVE!

Take a dump in the dark... Anyone but me?

Pretend that when you are in the shower, the shower head is a giant machine gun, that takes thousands of men to operate, and that you were an extremely large person and you catch ALL of the bullets in your mouth, spitting them at the shower head while at the same time turning off the water as if they all died, and the small drips that continue to drop out were the dead soldires' blood.....-dillon

Use é instead of e to spell Pokémon

If people knew what I am really thinking about while they are talking to me... YIKES!

One time I went to my old primary school and while I was there I needed the toilet. So I go use the schools and was shocked at how small everything was I guess because I haven't been there in a while

turn the colour down on your tv and pretend what you are watching is an old movie

Looking at these in school when it's dead silent and trying so hard not to laugh so you won't get yelled at.

When I am making toast I spread the butter or jam with a spoon

When on a boring car ride, add up all the numbers on the licence plates I see.

When serving grilled steak, I always make sure I get the best one.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.