Tape your dick to your leg to fit into tight pants

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See a ridiculously hot girl and wonder to myself "who is the guy who gets to have sex with her. And why does she like him?" As if that can help me bag an equally hotter girl.

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Spend a ton of time on the way you look and the clothes you choose, then going out in public and imagining you're a celeb.

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I like eating chicken clubs with my hands and dip them in ketchup while pretending I am a caveman

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Absentmindedly rub your stomach while lying down watching or reading.

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Say ow when I bang something I'm caring into something, even though I didn't get hurt at all. -B

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I no longer trust any of my local news because they appear to have an agenda

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Sometimes cringe at the sound when other people scratch themselves

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sometimes playing on music on your iPod you think people will like even though you're wearing headphones and nobody can hear you

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when dialing a number, i hear the number itself when it is dialed

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listen to madonnas new album

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I always twist my washcloth into a cone shape, so when I take my next shower it is dry and hardened. Then I pretend stab it into my stomach and say "MY LIFE FOR AIUR!" before getting it wet again.

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Touching your nipples at night wondering if anyone else wanted to touch them all day :)

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I dont know weather or not to flush the toilet at night incase i wake somebody, its even worse in other peoples houses.

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Whenever I drop food on the floor I get my dog to come clean it for me

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Everytime my sibling starts a sentance with "I remember when","I have an idea"etc.,I get up and walk out.

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I don't thumb down any submissions because then I am just as bad as the people who thumb down mine

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Assume that on another planet or galaxy there are people just like humans that look exactly like me. Like an alternate universe.

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Check the shower before you pee to make sure nothing is waiting there to literally get you with your pants down.

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when i wake up from a dream and it was an amazing dream. then i try to fall back asleep to have it again...it doesn't work

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When In the car, use th bug guts to ramp up all of the culverts and when you don't have a landing for a while, pretend that you got a speed bonus and are soaring with some amazing air.-dillon

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wipe all the water off my body (predrying myself) before i get out of the shower, and dry myself with the towel

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Sometimes when it's very windy, i Loudly yell "Stop". The Wind most often seem to lower it's intensity or completely blow off.

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sit closer to the water so my poop isn't so loud..

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.