When nobodys home, stay as quiet as possible just in case an intrudor is hiding somewhere

thumb_up thumb_down +836

Check the toilet paper after wiping your ass

thumb_up thumb_down +424

think something you shouldn't, then stop thinking it, because someone might read your mind

thumb_up thumb_down +1,333

Imagine yourself and friends as band members while listening to songs.

thumb_up thumb_down +341

Sit on the back of the commode when at work to give yourself an impromptu break.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

When home alone, you feel the need to turn on every light/appliance so you won't hear the serial killer who you are sure hides in your basement

thumb_up thumb_down -166

If I am waiting on someone and they are late, I start mentally listing their faults, flaws and mistakes but feel kind of bad for doing it when they finally show up.

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Link gross things with porn i.e: Think of really gross things (or friends or family) when fapping to really hot stuff ( the porn becomes ruined)

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Try to balance on and off on the light switch.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

When taking a dump in a public restroom, if someone else walks in, I wait until they leave the restroom before finishing up and leaving the stall, just to make sure they don't see who I am.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Sometimes I have a dream in the morning that I checked my clock but then when I wake up Im perplexed when Ive gone back in time -Ethan

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Sometimes I think that if we play with dolls, maybe we're just dolls that someone is playing with and creating lives for.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

I plan to put money away everyday but never seem to do it.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Liking your own posts to make it seem like at least 1 person likes you. thinking that maybe someone will be slightly compelled to like it because someone already did.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Walk away in the middle of a sitcom and then play the rest out of the episode in your head while doing something else.

thumb_up thumb_down -88

Say "what?" when you know what they said, then answer before they can respond. I do it because it takes me a second to figure out what they said and so my immediate response it "what?".

thumb_up thumb_down -17

I can't brush my teeth and rinse in the sink right after I flush the toilet, for fear of it being connected somehow, and rinsing with my own piss.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Clicking the thumbs up or down when two of the submissions have the same number of thumbs up and think i'm the chosen one.

thumb_up thumb_down +80

Look at my eyes really close in the mirror and turn the lights off, wait, and then back on just watch my pupils change size. PS: Really? No way - I could've sworn I was the only weirdo who did that!

thumb_up thumb_down +788

Attempting to silently sneak a fart, then it erupts from your anus.

thumb_up thumb_down +310

When riding in a vehicle at night, where the stars are visible, I feel like they're racing.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Look up definitions of acronyms in text messages or Facebook that I feel I should know because I'm teenager.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

I have one of those automatic shower cleaners. After I press the button, it beeps 15 times before starting. I have to get out my brush, get out the hair dryer, plug it in, and Turin it on before the 15th beep. Every time.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.