Sometimes, I wonder why god or the big bang ever existed in the first place and why there is a universe in the first place ... And it makes my brain hurt!

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I wake up right before the "sexy" part happens...

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I try to accomplish things while waiting for the timer on the microwave can go off.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Whenever you are in a quiet room and are trying to eat a food that is very loud to chew (like chips) you try to chew slowly or alter your chewing style so noone will think your too loud

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When using the bathroom count the tiles on the floor or shower wall or read a shampoo bottle.

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Pretend that when you are in the shower, the shower head is a giant machine gun, that takes thousands of men to operate, and that you were an extremely large person and you catch ALL of the bullets in your mouth, spitting them at the shower head while at the same time turning off the water as if they all died, and the small drips that continue to drop out were the dead soldires' blood.....-dillon

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Make odd grunting noises and sighs of relief while going #2.

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flushing the toilet eventho not yet finish pee-ing. So that the water sucks it right after the last drop of your pee. Saves 2-3seconds of your life.

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I brush my teeth in the shower and use the shower for a waterpik.

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Think about breathing...

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When I'm about to fart, I close my butthole with cupped hand to smell my own fart. Sometimes after I fart, I bend down just to smell the scent.

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i make loud noises so before i fart people cant hear it.

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I love the We'll Be Right Back jingle on the Eric Andre show.

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Whenever I finish reading a book, I feel a great sense of achievement.

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Wait 2-3 seconds with anticipation whenever a baby falls for them to cry.

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I sit in my sink and pretend that I am water.

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when I need to do a number 2 in a public toilet I put toilet paper in there first so my neighbours cant hear it.

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Naming every pet you've ever owned Peter Jankins

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Pretend I'm a back-up dancer or singing a duet with the singer of the song I'm listening to.

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I pretend that I've caught the man in the walk/don't walk sign doing something bad and I stare at him accusingly

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.don't congratulate someone on facebook until someone other does, because maybe it's a fail.

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Having the TV turned on when using my laptop or else the silence will make me feel like someone is in my house trying to kill me.

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(okay maybe not a thing I do but something I noticed) When people call themselves "Writers" In today's world you know that might not be the case because we have computers so shouldn't they be called typers?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.