Wipe my hands on a cold glass to clean my hands

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Looking at this naked with a cat on you're lap.

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When in class, hoping that I do not get boner right before bell rings/called up.

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Whenever I read a book, in my head it all takes place at my own house, or some other familiar location.

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Sometimes there is a hair in my butt and then I pull it slowly out. And it feels funny.

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I think of unbelievably perverted things seconds before I am about to cum when masturbating.

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CORRECTION, THINGS I KNOW ONLY I DO. OWN YOU ALL HAAAAAAAAAAAARD! Moral: DOUBLE FLAWLESS! EXPLOSION SOUND!

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fart then blame it on the guy next to me realizing theres no one near me and everyone looks at me....awkward

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when going to get a drink, i accidently pull out a bowl, or plate, later realizing what i did, i put it back, and get a cup

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Stand really close to the mirror and look myself in the eyes. Try to scare myself or make a really fast movement, hoping my reflection can't keep up.

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Skip the first 3 minutes of "Free Bird" because it's too slow.

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Bored. Open refrigerator. Nothing to eat. Open it again five minutes later.

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Fantasize about taking over the world, and killing all religious people.

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I always ask myself "Why am I me?". But have never come up with a good answer.

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Take out all the marshmallows in a bowl of Lucky Charms, eat the "cat food" (the dry cereal that looks like dry kitty food!), then put the marshmallows back in the milk and eat them!

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I use chopsticks or disposable latex gloves to eat sandwiches, chocolate, basically any finger food, because in my opinion, it's impossible to get that greasy, sticky film off my fingers.

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I was the real Stig...

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take 30 pictures and only find 1 where you dont look like shit

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"????????? ???? ?????! ??? ?? ???????? UH1 HUEY!!! ??? ?? ???????? ??????? ??????????? ?????, ????????? ?? ??????? ? ??????????????? ???????!!! ?????? ????, ???????????????? ?? ???????, ?? ?????? ??????? ?? ????! ???? ???????????? ???????, ????? ??????? ???? ??? ?????????, ? ??????????? ?????, ??? ????????? ??????? ??????????? ?????!!! ? ??? ?? ????? ???? ??????? ??????????? ??????????. ???????? ????????,???? ????, ??? ??????? ?????? ??? ????? ??? ????? ???? ? ??????. "

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As im about to fall asleep sometimes i feel like im falling and then i have a muscle spasem and wake up.

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When someone starts waving and saying hi then I start waving and saying hi even though I have no idea who it is only to realize they are actually waving at someone behind me.

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You keep going through pages of "Things You Think Only You Do" clicking the button until you realize that your on like page 50.

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Check the lint filter on the dryer every time I walk into the laundry room.

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Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.