I never find things funny unless I'm in a completely silent room, and it is then that I think or see something funny and begin to almost cry of laughter.

After masterbating, I wonder if my dead relatives can just see what I did?

If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

thinking that the 'writing comments procedure' on this website is extremely irritating.

have fake conversations that might happen in the future...so ur prepared

Feeling sorry for inanimate objects

put your hands in your bra or pants to keep them warm when you're not in public.

Whenever I walk through automatic doors I say "Thank You"

Think about past screw ups, then cross my eyes thinking to myself "I'm such a F---ing retard."

I always feel as if someone is always watching me on a screen where ever I am, and every person in the world is also being watched as well

whenever I lost a tooth my parents would while I slept they would sprinkle caster sugar on the window sill and make footprints in it (tiny footprints)

Try stick to something but fail in the end

I really hate the sound of sqeaking balloons

At home stay on the toilet a few minutes after you finish your business

read on youtube comments with too unlikes

When on a sidewalk I always try to make my last step on the block with my left foot.

Sometimes while texting or messaging, I enact the physical gestures that accompany what I'm saying as if it were an in-person conversation, even though no one can see me.

when im alone i pretend to sniper zombies out my bedroom window

When I am in class or somewhere boring I start getting thoughts of weird senerios like a group of zombies swamping the place or being hit by an earthquake etc and being one of the surivors. But then i realise that the possibility of that happening is incredibly slim and get depressed. Bananas!

When you have a stuffy nose, and you put tissue in one nostril so you can breathe.

Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

When I'm alone, I just randomly say "I know you're there so I would look awesome if someone was actually there.

Wish that Mexicans would go fix things in their own country instead of coming here unwelcome and demanding things instead.

use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.