I never find things funny unless I'm in a completely silent room, and it is then that I think or see something funny and begin to almost cry of laughter.

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After masterbating, I wonder if my dead relatives can just see what I did?

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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thinking that the 'writing comments procedure' on this website is extremely irritating.

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have fake conversations that might happen in the future...so ur prepared

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Feeling sorry for inanimate objects

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put your hands in your bra or pants to keep them warm when you're not in public.

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Whenever I walk through automatic doors I say "Thank You"

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Think about past screw ups, then cross my eyes thinking to myself "I'm such a F---ing retard."

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I always feel as if someone is always watching me on a screen where ever I am, and every person in the world is also being watched as well

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whenever I lost a tooth my parents would while I slept they would sprinkle caster sugar on the window sill and make footprints in it (tiny footprints)

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Try stick to something but fail in the end

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I really hate the sound of sqeaking balloons

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At home stay on the toilet a few minutes after you finish your business

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read on youtube comments with too unlikes

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When on a sidewalk I always try to make my last step on the block with my left foot.

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Sometimes while texting or messaging, I enact the physical gestures that accompany what I'm saying as if it were an in-person conversation, even though no one can see me.

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when im alone i pretend to sniper zombies out my bedroom window

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When I am in class or somewhere boring I start getting thoughts of weird senerios like a group of zombies swamping the place or being hit by an earthquake etc and being one of the surivors. But then i realise that the possibility of that happening is incredibly slim and get depressed. Bananas!

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When you have a stuffy nose, and you put tissue in one nostril so you can breathe.

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Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

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When I'm alone, I just randomly say "I know you're there so I would look awesome if someone was actually there.

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Wish that Mexicans would go fix things in their own country instead of coming here unwelcome and demanding things instead.

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use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.