When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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My butthole itches, so I fart to scratch it.

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you collect best whatsapp status for your whatsapp and facebook at techcloud7.org

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Thinking about life as if its just a dream and wondeing if one day your just going to wake up and be like " wtf just happend".....

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Fake a yawn to see if other people will yawn back.

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Run into a wall and say "I'm sorry" and then realize that it's just a wall.

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I dont know weather or not to flush the toilet at night incase i wake somebody, its even worse in other peoples houses.

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Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

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Do a light cough when in the toilet when there isn't no lock on the door so Ur stop someone walking in!!!

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Taking your headphones/earbuds off a lot to see if your music is playing loudly. Or to see if other people could possibly hear it

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Moisturize "down there" after a really drying wipe session.

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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When you're the youngest child, you never quit feeling like a little kids, even in your 20s.

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Sometimes I stop typing in the middle of a sen

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Pronounce hors d'oeuvres 'whores-dev-ers' thinking I'm so witty.

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Download a new app, and say to myself I'll never stop playing it. Play it for 2 hours and forget about it.

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Bathroom occupied, piss in the kitchen sink.

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Before drinking the actual soft drink, I drink the fizz as fast as I can.

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trying to look cool when you're driving past other cars.

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Have a dream with horribly unfortunate events (like having an amputation or being in prison) waking up from said dream and saying something like, "Good thing that was a dream, don't know what I'd do if that was real"

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Pretend to talk on the phone when you see someone you don't want to say hello.

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Never tell her who I was talking to on the phone and watch her nosy butt get upset

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Wave my hand at automatic doors just as they open pretending that I have Jedi powers

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When winking, I feel as if I have to wink with the other eye to be fair to both eyes.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.