trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

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I twerk in the mirror to see how much my ass jiggles

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Always run up the stairs as if someone was chasing you.

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Whenever I cross the road with someone I try to walk faster then them just in case a car comes it won't drive me over.

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I lift my butt when I'm farting

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i answer "why" to questions and then when someone gets pissed i say "when" Hey Jim, how's Mary? Why? Because she's your sister and I care about you. Why? Because you're my best friend. Why? STOP IT! When?

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I can't help but wonder why people write things on web sites and don't bother checking their spelling. Now they look like an idiot no matter how funny or interesting it might have been.

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masturbate quietly in my room.

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Realizes there is less toilet paper than first thought. Hobbles across bathroom to find more. Failure. Take shower.

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Before drinking the actual soft drink, I drink the fizz as fast as I can.

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do things without turning the lights on and feel like a ninja.

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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Mayada stupid

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I sleep in my underpants every single night

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Sometimes there is a hair in my butt and then I pull it slowly out. And it feels funny.

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Scroll aimlessly through the posts on this website and for some reason, creepily stop and check the comments on the one that has the word "boobs" in it.

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I have had a dream where my teeth fall out.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

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I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

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All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

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I imagine that there are lines coming out from things and I don't step on the lines (columns, buildings, walls, corners, etc.)

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only read the short jokes on this website

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When A situation Doesn't go how I wanted it to go, It annoys me so much I sometimes shit in my hands and clap.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.