Seeing someone gettin roasted for something and then making sure you dont do the same thing.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

When a person tells you: Oh you like Lana Del Rey? Me:No,I like the wall

thumb_up thumb_down -46

I have a phobia of incest

thumb_up thumb_down -121

Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Drive slow in straightaways and fast through curves, especially sharp ones.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

If my SOLVE media is too long I refresh it to give me a shorter one

thumb_up thumb_down -40

I think something is gonna get me at night when I walk out of my brothers roomso I look behind me and run and usually bump into a wall

thumb_up thumb_down -50

incognito mode on google chrome

thumb_up thumb_down -81

I don't leave the toilet in a public restroom until the other person leaves, so I don't have to make awkward eye contact.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How is it that celebrities no one likes keep popping up on shows everyone likes

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

thumb_up thumb_down -84

Sometimes I blow my nose on yesterday's socks because it is the closest thing to the bed in the morning and I'm too lazy to get up and go for a tissue. O_o

thumb_up thumb_down -74

I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Imagining a friend can see everything you do during the day through telepathy.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

When you stop to tie you shoe, you re-tie the other so one isnt tighter than the other.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

When my friends talk bout a show they ask did u see the one where they did this and I nod even thow I have no idea what they're talking about

thumb_up thumb_down +37

I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

thumb_up thumb_down -80

Feeling like no one really "knows" me, but only what they already see/know. Most things about me my family don't know about.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Whenever I walk through automatic doors I say "Thank You"

thumb_up thumb_down -104

When I hear something that I could make a great comeback to (if it was directed towards me), I saw it under my breath just to feel full fiilled

thumb_up thumb_down -57

when you are at home doing something then all of a sudden you imagine how you would take down a killer if he came into your home right now. just me?

thumb_up thumb_down -64

when I get a really good idea, I write notes in excruciating detail, as I believe my brilliance will quickly disappear and I will have no idea what I was writing about ..

thumb_up thumb_down -54

wish you looked like either Kellan Lutz or Bradley Cooper! I wish magic existed now.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.