When someone is really, really angry is telling me their story, I keep a straight face but I can't help mentally laughing my ass off because of their weird facial expressions. Sorry.

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i cant fall asleep unless i suck my thumb...

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Naming you're offspring Peter Jankins

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Sometimes I feel that my reflection in the mirror will stop doing what I'm doing and either jump out and grab me, start telling me about her reflected life, or give me a mission to free her from her mirror life.

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Realizing that I can just yell out the word "Fuck!" and no one can stop me.

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Massive hang-over. Say out loud and promise I will never drink like that again. Next time drink atleast as much as the last time.

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Seeing someone gettin roasted for something and then making sure you dont do the same thing.

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Complimenting a girl awkwardly,and then smiling stupidly later and thinking of alternate versions of the conversation that happened!!

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When I dry my hair after showering I put a towel on my head and look at the mirror pretending I am a mighty naked sheik.

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Ur mum

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When Im bored in a house that has leafy/floral wallpaper I follow the stem with my finger all the way up to the top of the wall and then go back down again and think of a route that gets you all the way to the other side of the wall.

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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Count the amount of birthday wishes on your facebook page, and compare it to other friends birthdays.

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When you trip when your walking you try to play it off like you wanted to start running

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Realized with 7 billion people, there is a chance that someone else on earth is doing exactly the same thing as me at any given time.

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Make a screeching noise with my mouth as I go around corners in my car too fast.

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It's hot but I still have on covers

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Sometimes I think and feel that I am the most voted man on Horsehead Network, I got no idea why. Moral the friendly r*pist: I dnt know what that means though... Or do I? ;)

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Wish that Mexicans would go fix things in their own country instead of coming here unwelcome and demanding things instead.

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Try to balance on and off on the light switch.

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Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

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I say my first name every night before I go to sleep because I want it to be the last thing I say before I die.

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start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

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When someone wants to kill a bug, I'll get insane and catch the bug, then run out and release the bug while saying "NOW YOU'RE FREE!!!!!"

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.