When someone is really, really angry is telling me their story, I keep a straight face but I can't help mentally laughing my ass off because of their weird facial expressions. Sorry.

i cant fall asleep unless i suck my thumb...

Naming you're offspring Peter Jankins

Sometimes I feel that my reflection in the mirror will stop doing what I'm doing and either jump out and grab me, start telling me about her reflected life, or give me a mission to free her from her mirror life.

Realizing that I can just yell out the word "Fuck!" and no one can stop me.

Massive hang-over. Say out loud and promise I will never drink like that again. Next time drink atleast as much as the last time.

Seeing someone gettin roasted for something and then making sure you dont do the same thing.

Complimenting a girl awkwardly,and then smiling stupidly later and thinking of alternate versions of the conversation that happened!!

When I dry my hair after showering I put a towel on my head and look at the mirror pretending I am a mighty naked sheik.

Ur mum

When Im bored in a house that has leafy/floral wallpaper I follow the stem with my finger all the way up to the top of the wall and then go back down again and think of a route that gets you all the way to the other side of the wall.

HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

Count the amount of birthday wishes on your facebook page, and compare it to other friends birthdays.

When you trip when your walking you try to play it off like you wanted to start running

Realized with 7 billion people, there is a chance that someone else on earth is doing exactly the same thing as me at any given time.

Make a screeching noise with my mouth as I go around corners in my car too fast.

It's hot but I still have on covers

Sometimes I think and feel that I am the most voted man on Horsehead Network, I got no idea why. Moral the friendly r*pist: I dnt know what that means though... Or do I? ;)

Wish that Mexicans would go fix things in their own country instead of coming here unwelcome and demanding things instead.

Try to balance on and off on the light switch.

Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

I say my first name every night before I go to sleep because I want it to be the last thing I say before I die.

start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

When someone wants to kill a bug, I'll get insane and catch the bug, then run out and release the bug while saying "NOW YOU'RE FREE!!!!!"

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.