Eat a biscuit realise how nice it is and eat the whole packet

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Wish you could delete a post if it gets thumbs down

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I can't drink while I'm walking I have to stop.

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I feel bad for not reading the terms of service on a website, because someone had to put a lot of effort into that.

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Put my finger over one pixel of my digital alarm clock, because I know that's the only one that will change in the next minute. Take it off. MAGIC.

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Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

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Sometimes, after I say "bye" to a person on facebook, I wait a few seconds before I log off so that it seems like I said "bye" to other people too. Because I'm just that popular.

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standing at the mall with your group talking, you all decide to start walking to a store, start to follow but half the group stays behind for a few seconds then they start walking, walk a slower pace only to find out that you're in the middle of your split groups e.g. 3 in front 4 behind...dont know which one to merge to......wait for your group to collaborate back together.

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Kill Jb without getting aressted.

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Hot in bed? Stick one leg out and then wrap it around the top of the duvet

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If I'm in the car looking for an address or a street name I'll turn down the radio. Why?

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When you had a crush on a girl in elementary school, then don't see her in middle school and think of how much of a bitch she was. Then You start crushing on her again in high school.

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When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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My login password is INCORRECT so if I forget it my computer will say "your password is incorrect"

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Look into your neighbor's house and halucinate someone watching back

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i see almost everything as a sign

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I don't care about gender stereotypes. Moral: If I want to like Pink unicorns I will like them!

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When i feel the back of my right hand starting to itch. in a few days, i get some money. When the back of my left hand itches.Some money goes.

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I am convinced that nobody had opened bacon or packets of ham with the flappy corner because it dosnt work!! So i get a knife and saw it out.

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If two cars towing boats were to crash into each other, Would that make it a boating accident?

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The longer it takes me to find the light switch in the dark the more frantic and terrified I become.

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Cover myself in Vaseline and cry in the dark for 4, maybe 5 hours with or without a wooden splintery dildo in my arse.

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While im showering, I place my hands in a certain position so it looks like I can shoot water out of my fingers.

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When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.