in the morning when you wake up and take a shower you make weird faces to stretch out and "warm up" your face for the day

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Have a dream about falling and never stop falling and it feels real

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think that your whole life is just a dream and that you're going to wake up someday

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Smile like a damn dork when I watch romantic movies.

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When I’ve got something cooking in the microwave, before actually looking to see how much time is left, I try to guess how much time is left; if I’m correct within 3 seconds on the timer, I actually feel a measure of accomplishment.

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When people are whispering you think they are saying bad things

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a harding and make people think it's that big all the time.

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Doing something bad, then being ashamed because you think your dead family members watch you doing it saying tsk tsk

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Use more toilet paper than you need, just because you feel like it cleans your ass more.

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When I check into a hotel room I think about the countless number of sex acts that has been performed in there.

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I used to peep when my relatives are watching porn, back when i was a kid. After that, i feel like i wanna pee.

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Have deja vu while talking to someone and then stop listening to what they are saying for a few seconds till the feeling passes, then nod like you have been listening the whole time.

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you turn the dial on your microwave until it reaches as far as it can go

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when i realise for example that my shoes are stinking i get really paranoid and try to cover them under the table or something because i feel that everyone is thinking about it or is covering their nose or stuff

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(okay maybe not a thing I do but something I noticed) When people call themselves "Writers" In today's world you know that might not be the case because we have computers so shouldn't they be called typers?

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Cross the street or go some other way to avoid the awkward moment of long lasting side by side walking (a move known as the 'overtake') when walking right behind someone who is slightly slower than you.

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Check your analog watch, wait for it to strike a minute, then look away and try to count 60 seconds out in your head before you look again. However many seconds you were away is your new record.

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Writing d as b and b as d or p as q

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When home alone and you hear a noise getting out a gun/weapon.

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Hit the enter key really hard when finishing a long piece of text that you have just written.

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Force a piss out really hard because you're in a rush.

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whenever i'm talking about someone, i constantly check my phone to make sure i haven't butt-dialed them and they're listening to everything i'm saying about them!

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i noticed that a lot of people pronounce "LOL" like roll. Am i the only one that reads it as L. O. L. (el oh el) ????

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talking on the phone with somebody and then spending 10 minutes or so looking for your phone...

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.