After watching a movie, always walk out the theatre feeling like a total bad ass

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fap

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I'm in the middle of a good dream but I wake up and try to go back to sleep to finish it when it never happens.

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Whenever i am watching TV my parents always walk by at the worst part like a sex scene or a dirty joke.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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Find something on this site that you actually do not do, and think how weird the person who wrote that must be.

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When you're full at a restaurant and leave your drink. One day you're thirsty and remember back to when you COULD have finished that drink.

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when I take a big dump I turn around to see how big it is

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When bored in class.. I catch eyes with someone across the room and look away fast, then act "cool" for the next 10 minutes because I still think they're looking at me...

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Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

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I used to think that if the earth was completely smoothed flat and you had a really powerful telescope if you looked through it you would see yourself looking through the telescope.

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Think that everything has feelings for example, a cushion or a tree

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Cannot even read a word when a blonde lady sits in front of me in a library.

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I have never watched Star Wars.

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Walk around downtown and spot good camping spots or sniping spots, cause life is a FPS.

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Imagine I'm walking in slow motion when I enter a bar or club

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Sometimes I think ''Someone somewhere in the world just got slapped'' or ''Someone just took a nasty shit''.

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I pee in the water of the toilet to make bubbles

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make it a point of interest to know every word to a song that nobody likes. (i.e. call me maybe) >.>

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a harding and make people think it's that big all the time.

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Take your laptop to the toilet with you, as a modern day equivalent of the newspaper.

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Only taking half a biscuit because it makes you feel bad and then taking another half of a different biscuit.

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When alone and listening to music I pretend that I am the artist and dance around the room like its the music video or I am on stage.

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.