when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

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Only taking half a biscuit because it makes you feel bad and then taking another half of a different biscuit.

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Sitting on the toilet and feel devastated I forgot my smartphone and then spending the rest of my time on the toilet thinking about how boring it is without my smartphone.

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when I need to do a number 2 in a public toilet I put toilet paper in there first so my neighbours cant hear it.

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When standing on the beach, I try to command the waves to stop.

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while I am sitting on the toilet I play with it and waste the toilet paper and of course i just keep flushing it

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i use dental dams

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I talk to inanimate objects daily.

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Watch a familiar movie, and then freak out when you see a suspensful part, only to later realize that there was no point in getting worked up since you already know what happens.

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When a passneger in the car, I sing songs in my head and hope the song is in time with the signs and streetlights as I drive past them.

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I sit sideways on the toilet because my bony butt fits better that way.

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I always wonder if anyone has a crush on me.

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Before I meet someone I've never met before, I think of stuff to say or do to prevent it from being awkward, but when I finally meet them I do none of the things I thought about doing.

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Abuse your pet when nobody's looking

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Leave the fan on at night just in case you feel to warm.

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I'm paranoid of EVERYTHING. When I enter a room, I inspect it for cameras. When I'm in the bathroom I cover all the cameras on my iPod, Phone, etc. When I do something I'm not supposed to do on the computer (such as download music for free), I cover the webcam to assure the government can't see me. I control my thoughts 24/7 at fear that someone will read my thoughts. I have a strict feeling the someone is always watching me. I fear subliminal advertisements also. To sum everything up you could just read the first part. I DONT TRUST ANYTHING OR ANYONE! I'm Not sure if anyone else is as paranoid as I am...

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When you are outside, you see a small shadow moving across the ground. You think it's a ball someone threw, so you look up to catch it, only to realize it is a bird.

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When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

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close the fridge door really slowly just so you can see the light turn off

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I like to swallow great ammounts of water just to make the loud "clunk" sound in my throat.

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after dialing a number and clicking "call" constanly rehearse what your going to say when the other person picks up the line

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click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

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If I have a black surface I scratch my dandruff onto and make a dandruff galaxy.

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Worry a lot about the efficiency of your path when walking.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.