Get my belt loop caught on the door handle,

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When I hear footsteps approaching while I'm sitting on the toilet, I'm getting ready to jump at the door in case I actually forgot to lock it.

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I take a dump and then look to see how big it is.

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When in a public toilet, I never leave the cubicle until everyone is either out of the room or in their own cubicle.

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Will use delayed foot-to-ass insults on verbal bullies. You know, the kind that goes off in the persons head days or weeks after they thought they won an argument with me.

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FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAPFAP FAP ::TROLLFACE::

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when on a bus, pretend to fail to see your acquaintances to get some rest and avoid boring conversations.

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talking on the phone with somebody and then spending 10 minutes or so looking for your phone...

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i feel all weird and sad when i thing about my old belongings.

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Touching your nipples at night wondering if anyone else wanted to touch them all day :)

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When in a public bathroom and others are in there, pretend to fix your clothes/hair until everyone has left before you use it.

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I used to drive home from my girlfriend's house late at night and stop on a stretch of road to take a leak. I'd walk backwards while peeing, creating a crooked line of pee in the road. I'd add to it night after night, then I'd drive by in the day to see my long pee stain in the road only I knew about. Anyone who passed by could see it, but only I knew what it was. It would last until the next rain and I'd have to start over.

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Stay up late on the weekdays and go to bed early on the weekends ..... What is wrong with me?

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Say you're not hungry at a friend's house when his/her parents offer you food, even though you're starving

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When you look in the mirror, and it ruins your whole day.

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you know how everyone talks about making life decisions in the shower and thinking about life?.....yeah thats me on the toilet

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When I'm alone, I just randomly say "I know you're there so I would look awesome if someone was actually there.

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I always twist my washcloth into a cone shape, so when I take my next shower it is dry and hardened. Then I pretend stab it into my stomach and say "MY LIFE FOR AIUR!" before getting it wet again.

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Make a weird face when taking a picture with a friend, never see the picture, so you try to remake the face you did in a mirror to see how stupid you looked...

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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play with a knife and pretend to be a master blade wielder

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Not eat French fries because I don't like the taste rather than because they are unhealthy?

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Sit down in a grass field... immediately start pulling up grass.

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I eat food when i'm bored..

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.