I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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When having a flog in the shower I keep checking the door to make sure noone walks in

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Wonder who decide what news stories we see and don't see?

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Can't stop tears from comeing to your eyes when singing

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Mix my coffee with the spoon upside down.

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Whenever there is a volume button on something i have to make sure its on a number 5 ie: 0,5,10,15

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Run up the stairs like a gorilla because it's easier that way.

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Stab myself on a daily basis

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When I'm on Facebook, I don't like anything in my news feed thats older then 15 minutes or else i'll feel like they think ima creeping on them.

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Think that everything has feelings for example, a cushion or a tree

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I really like the day I was born even though there is nothing special about it like Dec 25 or May 20 (Christmas or Independence day)

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After I flush the toilet, I run out of the bathroom really fast.

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Whenever I do something I want to tell someone about, I have to whisper it to myself before I tell them.

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Everytime I have ear buds in and I hear myself breathing, I think others can hear it too so I slow my breathing or hold my breath.

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Say ow when I bang something I'm caring into something, even though I didn't get hurt at all. -B

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Feel uncomfortable with the TV volume on an odd number

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I like to eat the crust on pizzas

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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when something is lost you check the spot they or it should be at least 5 to 10 times

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Scroll aimlessly through the posts on this website and for some reason, creepily stop and check the comments on the one that has the word "boobs" in it.

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Do an epic air drum solo while listening to Phil Colins "In The Air Tonight"

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When you can feel yourself blushing so you pretend to be preoccupied with something else.

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Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

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get home from work and masturbate instantly

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.