whenever you walk into the bathroom with your phone/laptop/electronic device you stay sitting on the toilet even though you are done because you are so engaged with whatever you are doing

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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judge a spider on it's ability to hide from me and decide to let it survive if I consider it a clever hiding place, then get paranoid because the spider was smart.

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Consider selling lots of books, games or DVDs when you have too many to fit perfectly on their shelf.

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hate it when the bottom of you foot is itchy because it feels wrong to scratch it.

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Read shampoo bottle when no magazine in bathroom.

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Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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When I walk past a homeless person asking for change, I avoid looking them in the eye and walk faster.

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Sometimes I won't do something just to see how long it takes before someone else does it (dishes, throw something away, fill the ice cube tray, etc.).

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Eat ice by itself

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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Sometimes after a long, hard day or when something bad happens I just sit down and cry in the shower.

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I eat something and read book/newspaper/magazine at the same time. Then i take food crumbs off the book and eat them too.

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When im standing at a urinal and another guy was there before me and i still finish first i pretend like im still peeing so he wont think i have a bladder problem.

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Only read the shortest sentences on "Things You Think Only You Do". More than 2 sentences I skip.

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Log onto facebook, notice a family member is also logged on, and immediately log off before they trap you in a never-ending facebook chat.

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When your to lazy try to use the force to pick things up

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Start to do homework online, end up on facebook :/

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I can't step on the cracks of sidewalks.

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When I'm at home alone, I feel like people are watching me through my windows, so I act completely civil.

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Showering with my uncle Jarrett <3

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make those little rectangles with your mouse on the computer get so close that they are together and you cant see them and try to move to the left or right, keeping the lines together so you cant see them.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.