I giggle in my head when anyone says duty.

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get embarrassed when someone is in the public bathroom, and your shit makes a splash in the toilet

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I put big spaces in between comments

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After a meal if I need to use a toothpick I would eat the piece of food I "picked".

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You like to think about how your favorite characters would react if you told them that they were fictional.

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When alone in a public restroom, after using the toilet I kick the lever and run away out of fear that it will splash on me.

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Sometimes, for no real reason, I'll make strange or funny noises when no one is around.

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Hold my pen or pencil with two fingers cued against my palm and two fingers sliding up the pen with my thumb in between them.

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cringe when I squeeze a cotton ball, ugh

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When at someone else's house, trying to use the bathroom, keep a very close eye on the door just to make sure nobody's gonna walk in on you...

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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When I have an argument with someone and they're correcting my grammar over a word that I obviously made up but they're grammar/slash spelling skills suck I want to end them.

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I rape small children ;).

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Count the number of letters in a word or phrase.

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Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

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When a song comes on that i hate on the radio, i sing along with it because i know the lyrics. (Example: something by Justtin bieber D:)

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Pee in the shower.

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When im out with my dad in the car i swear traffic lights always seem to go to red when were coming

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Laying in bed kind of hungry, knowing exactly what you want to eat, and going over all the steps involved (going all the way to the kitchen, making the food, cleaning up, going all the way back to your room, plus it's nighttime and something might get you) and trying to decide whether or not it's worth it to go eat now or just wait until you wake up.

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I'm in computer class at school right now. I'm supposed to be making up for incomplete assignments. But I have been on Things only you think you do, Funny Exams, DIY Fail, Pointless Super powers, Explain this image, and Perfectly Time Photos all class class period. I just noticed these websites aren't blocked at school.

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Tally mark everytime I take a shit.

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I hump my bed at night and pretend it's a hot model

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I sometimes go out of my way to make sure I have my iPhone with me in the bathroom while taking a poop.

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Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.