I wish I was born again, but I had all of the knowledge I have now.

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Every time I open a door, I shout out "Alohamora!" and then I open it.

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Hatch an escape plan as soon as my date starts to complain about anything.

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YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

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Think about blinking, and then realize that when you think about blinking, you can't stop thinking about blinking, and thus a 3-4 minute awkward blinking-fest begins.

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Feeling very uncomfortable for days, untill your motivation finally reaches that point when you start learning for the exam.

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While I am busy working I like to have music playing and while I type I type to the song and its beat

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Smelling food to see if its spicy.

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Touching your nipples at night wondering if anyone else wanted to touch them all day :)

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When theres a sex scene in the movie I like to jack off to see if I would last as long as the man -deadpool (yogurt)

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Repeat the phrase "you too" after a comment someone makes that does not apply. Bob: happy birthday Jim Jim: you too bob. Awwww sh!t.

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Always look down at the floor or avoiding any kind of eye contact when your getting told off for something really bad

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Handing something to a friend or someone and all you can think is "...I've fapped with that hand. And they know I have" even though you clean up after you feel like your jizz is gonna be on what you gave them and theyll find out amd think you're disgusting.

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I sometimes wonder if the world is even real.

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Sometimes I turn on my bedroom fan at night just so i can use heavier blankets.

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grab my cats tongue when he is licking my hand

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Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

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Force a piss out really hard because you're in a rush.

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I always thought Diane Ross sang '76 why don't ya babe, get out my life why don't ya babe'.

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Check the toilet paper after wiping your ass

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Think your teacher is super hot and have a hard time concentrating in class . . . for the whole year.

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feel that the horsehead network captchas can read my mind. kind of scary.

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being a mid-teenager, never having a relationship before and don't care at all.

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I flick through the channels on my TV really fast to try and make a complete sentence.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.