I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

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Read things from this page and think to self: "Thank God, I thought I was the only one."

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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When I pee if there is already some toilet paper there I try to sink it with my pee.

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when you are at home doing something then all of a sudden you imagine how you would take down a killer if he came into your home right now. just me?

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When my friends talk bout a show they ask did u see the one where they did this and I nod even thow I have no idea what they're talking about

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When I eat M&Ms, Skittles or Froot Loops, I always make sure to leave one of every color for the end so I could eat them all at once. #rainbowinmymouth

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I make all the faces on my money face the same way.

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after doing the dishes i get my hands wet after putting my jumper on cause i failed 2 dry my hands propley my arms a f***** cold dammit!!

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Consume skin around finger nails. Cuticle too.

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before going to a party, i rehearse the conversations i expect to have with the people who will be there (even though those conversations never actually happent)

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whenever im getting a haircut, i feel as if the barber can see my embarrassing and private thoughts.

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Sometimes...when no one is home, i talk and dance with my dog as if he was person :)

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Laying or sitting down in a really comfy position, then getting up to do something, and when you come back you can't figure out the position you just had.

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I like to play with the condensation on the outside of glasses, sometimes drawing in it, or just wiping it all off. I get half-way annoyed when it comes back, until I play with it again.

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sit in the shower

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I tilt my head back and eat grapes pretending like im a greek god

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I take receipts out of the ATM's disposal slot in order to see how much money people that I've never met have in their accounts.

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I don't leave the toilet in a public restroom until the other person leaves, so I don't have to make awkward eye contact.

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I blow my nose in my towel after i dry off. Then use the same towel the next day. lol

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open the fridge A eat food B think

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Trying to figure out what form of suicide would hurt the least.

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creating your own personal perfect partner in romance or frendship, almost like a imaginary friend (but you don't speak to them out loud)

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clean specks of sh*t in the toilet by peeing on it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.