Press cancel on your toaster before it finishes so that you can eat faster

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I kick my shoes off, sending them flying to various parts of the room. I then pick them up and place them neatly beside each other

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eating a sandwich with strategically placed bites such that i get the same ratio of crust to tastier non-crust sandwich center in each bite. sometimes i just take two smaller bites of crust and center part so that i don't have to taste mostly bread crust in a mouthful.

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The girl I like has just managed to transfer her consciousness into my mind, now being to hear my every thought and see everything I do. Just. Act. Cool.

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I say random stuff when I wake up. Just to make sure my voice is still working.

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going to bed at 10:30 pm realize i have to check Facebook go to YouTube randomly watch 2 hours of nothing, then find my self pulling an all nighter cause its 4 am and i got school.

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Think someone's watching me so I do cool stuff to impress them just in case they are

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try as hard as possible to not use the last of the toilet paper so you don't have to change the roll and inadvertently force someone else to do it.

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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Always run up the stairs as if someone was chasing you.

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When alone and listening to music I pretend that I am the artist and dance around the room like its the music video or I am on stage.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Pretend i'm a sim.

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Pronounce hors d'oeuvres 'whores-dev-ers' thinking I'm so witty.

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I still put my thumb in my mouth, BUT only because I like the feel of putting my eye lashes under my fingernails and my thumb inconveniantly fits in my mouth. Now I know I'm the only person in the world who does this. I'm trying to drop the habit. But it feels so GOOD!

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I refuse to imagine good things happening to me, because if I did, it won't come true and I end up being suck at everything.

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Watch 30 seconds of a commercial break only to realize it's dvr'd and I could be fast forwarding it.

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Run back into your room when your microwaving something

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I have a phobia of incest

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When you are thinking, and you think about what you are thinking. You are automatically purposely thinking until you stop thinking about it. I am thinking about thinking about how I think right now. I think...

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Poop naked.

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I have to keep reading website pages until I reached 5, 10, 15 etc. When I get close to my age though, I can finish there.

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I have one of those automatic shower cleaners. After I press the button, it beeps 15 times before starting. I have to get out my brush, get out the hair dryer, plug it in, and Turin it on before the 15th beep. Every time.

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How is it that celebrities no one likes keep popping up on shows everyone likes

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.