Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

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I say my first name every night before I go to sleep because I want it to be the last thing I say before I die.

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start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

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When someone wants to kill a bug, I'll get insane and catch the bug, then run out and release the bug while saying "NOW YOU'RE FREE!!!!!"

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When I'm driving through traffic lights that are green, I use my psychic powers to make them change so no one behind me gets through.

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Always have your feet under the cover, and if not, you think that something will get you.

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Watching movies about couples with age gaps and woundering how it would feel like to be with somebody much older (or younger) than you. Would they use viagra or would you not even try to have sex with someone so old and delicate?

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Never step on manholes, because I'm afraid to fall in.

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wondering if everyone else in the world can read your mind so you avoid thinking about specific things

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every single time a sad song comes on your ipod you imagine yourself in a movie, gloomily looking out a window or sitting alone on a bench.

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When walking around a slightly empty store, I walk around and pretend I'm a spy, trying not to be seen.

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think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

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I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

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my favorite singer is Bles Bridges 22/07/1947-24/03/2000

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Being the only one laughing at something on TV, then feeling awkward.

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when you mouth words (but saying them out loud) when someone can't hear you

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Turn the fan and/or sink on in the bathroom to drown out the noise from masturbating.

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Invented a special password for yourself in order to recognize yourself if travel through time.

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Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

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When your at your friends house and they run out of toilet paper, so you sit there like "what do i do now?"

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it is not disgusting to bite your toe nails, it is a skill

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Sometimes when I'm all alone, I like to rub vasceline on myself and pretend I'm a slug.

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Read weird posts like this one on the HorseHead Network.

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Reherse jokes/phrases to say to friends in school tomorrow

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.