When you're lying in bed and you fart, you pull the covers over your head to smell it.

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When you're in a public place, make up conversations between strangers. Example: Man to wife: Let's get out of here. There's no place to sit. Wife to man: Honey, we just got here. Man to wife: Maybe you didn't understand, Martha. There's no place to sit.

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Sometimes I see on the clock, the seconds needle go back 1 second and then never do that again for the rest of the day/week or whenever I'm staring at the clock for it to happen again. -Mike

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When I Was Little I Always Slept On My Stomach Even If I Wasn't Comfortable Because I Thought It Would Be Harder For Aliens To Abduct Me.

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trip over nothing. break into spontaneous dancing.

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If I have to get up early the following day I will surprisingly wake up early even without an alarm

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Absentmindedly rub your stomach while lying down watching or reading.

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Go for a 10 mile run.

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While peeing, I will sometimes flush the toilet mid-stream and see if I can finish before it flushes all the way.

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Love to check my astrological compatibility with my favorite musicians.

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Listening to romantic hollywood sad core and feeling depressed because your single.

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Being fat

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I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

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Flush the toilet before you finish peeing.

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Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

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taking a shit while brushing my teeth.

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Get to lazy to stand up in the shower so I sit down in the shower

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You think about all the stupid things you did in elementary school and avoid anyone who went to your elementary school in high school.

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I pretend I'm a musical when I'm alone and sing about all the stuff I'm doing.

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Having a dream and forgetting it seconds later.

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I look really handsome in my mirror, only to find myself looking weird in other mirrors, and like a total retard at photographies.

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Sit at your desk at work and think to yourself "is this it? I feel like I was meant for something bigger, like being an actor or a real life hero." then you look around you and feel bad because you feel like you dumped on everyone else who seem happy wih their lives. Then you go back to your boring desk job anyway.

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I have to sleep with my bottom lip stuck to the pillow or my hand so I can breathe.

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skipping back to the start of the guitar solo over and over so I can pretend I'm playing it

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.