When there are multiple puddles on the sidewalk you try and jump in every single one of them

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When I watch a movie that terrifies me, I usually find myself sitting on the sofa with a kitchen knife in my hand at the end of the movie.

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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I mean Diana Ross.

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Have to suddenly poop while shopping (mainly in Wal-Mart), but don't feel like traveling far to the restroom. So I kneel down in whatever aisle I'm in, casually shove my heel up my butt, and pick up some random item from the shelf and pretend to be interested in it. Finally, when the poop is secure in my butt, I'll put the item back and continue my shopping.

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When I have to use my hands to eat my steak, chew the bones etc (do not tell me that so far this is weird and unusual :P ) I wipe my fingers after each touch => use a whole pack of table tissues :D

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I deeply pick my nose with tweezers. It's like the relief of pooping to me.

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sometimes i mouth improvised, ridiculous sentences in the mirror to see what i look like when i talk to people

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When you can't use your hand to push a door, kick it and say "THIS IS SPARTA!!!"

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right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

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Sometimes I'll think about something that's so weird nobody would ever do it, and then i figure there's a big chance somebody did it at least once in history.

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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When I tell human garbage that I am the Fallen Angel, they laugh at me, then I make them spontaneously combust. Moral: What moral whore?

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If I'm in the car looking for an address or a street name I'll turn down the radio. Why?

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My goal is to get as much as possible thumbs down at this post.

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When i'm eating M&Ms, I save one of each color until the end so I can eat them all at once.

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when i'm in the shower and i close my eyes, i thnk something's gonna be there to scare me when i open my eyes again.

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Sneeze for a few minutes when I've eaten too much.

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the power to regenerate your appendix

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use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

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When in a public toilet, I never leave the cubicle until everyone is either out of the room or in their own cubicle.

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When I'm on an escalator going up, I always imagine myself falling back and how incredibly painful (and possibly bloody) it must be.

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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Whenever I get in the shower, no matter what, I always have to pee.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.