Whenever I switch sides on my bed, I feel like when I turn around some scary clown face is going to be RIGHT THERE in my face

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When you Saigon the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

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Trying to take the same number of steps in a block of sidewalk while you're walking.

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dont wash hands for the recommended 30 seconds

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browse the internet at school and look at shit brix and the dog with the jesus butthole appears and the teacher saw and said what are you looking at? i was banned for the rest of the term. jesse footter

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Stare blankly at your desktop when someone walks in the room so they won't know that you were watching porn lol

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I can't help but wonder why people write things on web sites and don't bother checking their spelling. Now they look like an idiot no matter how funny or interesting it might have been.

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Start to do homework online, end up on facebook :/

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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Not likeing something someone posted because you have a secret crush on them and you don't want them to think you check there Facebook too much.

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When I first start dating or seeing someone I write down options for conversation starters before I phone them in case it goes silent.

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Wonder why every single kid is looking at you in a restaurant.

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When someone is really, really angry is telling me their story, I keep a straight face but I can't help mentally laughing my ass off because of their weird facial expressions. Sorry.

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i cant fall asleep unless i suck my thumb...

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Naming you're offspring Peter Jankins

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Sometimes I feel that my reflection in the mirror will stop doing what I'm doing and either jump out and grab me, start telling me about her reflected life, or give me a mission to free her from her mirror life.

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Realizing that I can just yell out the word "Fuck!" and no one can stop me.

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Massive hang-over. Say out loud and promise I will never drink like that again. Next time drink atleast as much as the last time.

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Seeing someone gettin roasted for something and then making sure you dont do the same thing.

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Complimenting a girl awkwardly,and then smiling stupidly later and thinking of alternate versions of the conversation that happened!!

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When I dry my hair after showering I put a towel on my head and look at the mirror pretending I am a mighty naked sheik.

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Ur mum

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When Im bored in a house that has leafy/floral wallpaper I follow the stem with my finger all the way up to the top of the wall and then go back down again and think of a route that gets you all the way to the other side of the wall.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.