To my comment below... Rest im peace MJ... Shhh! Mary Jane is resting!

When a stripper sucks you so hard that the tip of your penis gets circumcised

i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

Breathe.

I poop on the side of my house in the morning so I do not have to make noise then come back in.

Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

suck my own penis

Still can't walk on cracks. If I step on the crack with one foot, the other has to as well.

I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

Have to have a certain light in the bathroom to poop. Also, nobody can be anywhere near me.

I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

I have a band in my head that performs for me every time I listen to music.

I'm constantly struck with this odd sensation that I didn't wipe my ass well enough.

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

Listening to a song, thinking about having the life of the singer in the band

Pee in the garbage at night when I don't want to wake the whole house up.

Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

I wonder do females have morning wood equivalent?

You are thinking of really awkward moments that happened earlier in the day so then you subconsciously say a bunch of random things quickly out loud to get the thought of the awkward moment out of your head.

Start to tell a story, but realize that nobody is bothering to listen to you.. So you slowly let your voice fade off

get so shitfaced you wake up in a closet with piss everywhere

penis

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.