To my comment below... Rest im peace MJ... Shhh! Mary Jane is resting!

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When a stripper sucks you so hard that the tip of your penis gets circumcised

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i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

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Breathe.

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I poop on the side of my house in the morning so I do not have to make noise then come back in.

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Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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suck my own penis

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Still can't walk on cracks. If I step on the crack with one foot, the other has to as well.

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I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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Have to have a certain light in the bathroom to poop. Also, nobody can be anywhere near me.

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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I have a band in my head that performs for me every time I listen to music.

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I'm constantly struck with this odd sensation that I didn't wipe my ass well enough.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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Listening to a song, thinking about having the life of the singer in the band

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Pee in the garbage at night when I don't want to wake the whole house up.

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

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I wonder do females have morning wood equivalent?

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You are thinking of really awkward moments that happened earlier in the day so then you subconsciously say a bunch of random things quickly out loud to get the thought of the awkward moment out of your head.

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Start to tell a story, but realize that nobody is bothering to listen to you.. So you slowly let your voice fade off

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get so shitfaced you wake up in a closet with piss everywhere

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penis

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.