try to get abs by doing the stupidest things

Rubbing the corners of your lips on the side of your hand and smelling it.

Fart and walk away from the stink area very quickly so nobody will know you made it.

try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

In the shower i let water run down my hands so it looks like i'm shooting water out of my fingers.

only read the short jokes on this website

When I'm listening to a sad song that relates to my life while I'm walking all alone, I mouth the words and pretend I'm in a music video.

Tell myself that I'm only going for a 20 minute nap and end up sleeping for 1/+ hour(s)...

When in shower, I turn the heat to max for a few minutes to warm up the whole bathroom.

Waiting with a friend the microwave countdown finish and when comes to 0 shout "Happy New Year!" and we hug each other

I **** with no hands.

I sometimes see or think of words and pronounce them differently. ie. Garbage, gar-bah-ge ("ge" like a vibration sound), Target, tar-jhay

Saving some leftovers of your favorite food .... the next week its still there (:

Whenever I accidentally drop a glass or cup it always bounces the first time but breaks the second

My parents are annoying.

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

Constantly hearing your name in public and asking "did you just hear my name?"

Purposely save one piece of homework untill Sunday night in case you want to get out of doing something boring.

Before I meet someone I've never met before, I think of stuff to say or do to prevent it from being awkward, but when I finally meet them I do none of the things I thought about doing.

I always ask myself "Why am I me?". But have never come up with a good answer.

At the gym, I always try to do 5 pounds more than the previous person.

When nobodys home, stay as quiet as possible just in case an intrudor is hiding somewhere

I never find things funny unless I'm in a completely silent room, and it is then that I think or see something funny and begin to almost cry of laughter.

If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.