I am convinced that nobody had opened bacon or packets of ham with the flappy corner because it dosnt work!! So i get a knife and saw it out.

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If two cars towing boats were to crash into each other, Would that make it a boating accident?

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The longer it takes me to find the light switch in the dark the more frantic and terrified I become.

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Cover myself in Vaseline and cry in the dark for 4, maybe 5 hours with or without a wooden splintery dildo in my arse.

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While im showering, I place my hands in a certain position so it looks like I can shoot water out of my fingers.

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When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

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When I was little and I saw disney's hercules I had no idea why Meg was working for Hades

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Hum up and down in pitch because it makes LED displays dance around.

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I don't like being told what I will do or how I will feel.

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I like to think I'm a Lion or cat.

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"????????? ???? ?????! ??? ?? ???????? UH1 HUEY!!! ??? ?? ???????? ??????? ??????????? ?????, ????????? ?? ??????? ? ??????????????? ???????!!! ?????? ????, ???????????????? ?? ???????, ?? ?????? ??????? ?? ????! ???? ???????????? ???????, ????? ??????? ???? ??? ?????????, ? ??????????? ?????, ??? ????????? ??????? ??????????? ?????!!! ? ??? ?? ????? ???? ??????? ??????????? ??????????. ???????? ????????,???? ????, ??? ??????? ?????? ??? ????? ??? ????? ???? ? ??????. "

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Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

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Walking with your friend talking about everything then you and your friend walk by someone you don't know and it gets awkwardly quiet

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dont wash hands for the recommended 30 seconds

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When you're bored or alone, you think of an argument you had with a friend recently, then think of all the things you should've said and get all powered up inside, but then you realise it's too late -_-

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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(okay maybe not a thing I do but something I noticed) When people call themselves "Writers" In today's world you know that might not be the case because we have computers so shouldn't they be called typers?

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Sit on the loo and think about life because I can't be bothered to get up

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Close my eyes and squeeze them so I can see colorful stars and galaxies.

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Think of something really hilarious to put on the internet, read the rest of a post, and then forget what you were going to write.

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Take advantage of loud traffic to fart really hard.

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Open the microwave at 1 second left to pretend you're on a bomb squad.

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Shutting the fridge door slowly just to see the light shut off.

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Blink and pretend that you just took a picture with your eyes.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.