sitting in the passenger seat of the car, move my head around gently to guide a piece of dirt on the window in the foreground around the obstacle course of trees, streetlights etc in the background. Also, imagine my eyes are projecting lasers which cut through anything and carve the passing world up to my design.

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When no one is home, I poop with the door open, just because I can.

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1. When you're downstairs at night you go upstairs as fast as fucking possible. 2. When you switch volume in TV, the second number has to be 0 or 5.

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I have a cat that drops on it's side when she sees me coming

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I have to put the radio volume in multiples of three and my daughter has to put it in multiples of five so when we are together it either has to be on 15 or 30.

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Opening the fridge door, then trying to accomplish pouring a drink, before the door seals itself forever leaving the cola to the mercy of the outside world.

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When I'm home alone, I get paranoid and think that someone is watching me and I try to act cool and funny just to impress them.

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When I was a kid and I misbehaved when my dad used to smack me I would put emphasis in my cries to let him think that I got the lesson.

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Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

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when two pictures look very similar, i go back and forth between them so it looks like they're moving

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Checking out peoples cars to try and figure out what kind of driver they are.

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Sit on the back of the commode when at work to give yourself an impromptu break.

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Having sudden realizations that you are a person who exists.

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Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

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Wish that Mexicans would go to their OWN country and stop living tax free in OURS.

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When I walk into the bathroom and the lid of toilet is closed, I always get slightly nervous to lift it up and see into the toilet. I'm always thinking there'll be something disgusting or scary in there.

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Nero the clit collector. What+ you never collected stamps, coins or something? YOUR CRIMES! WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES FOR FUCKlNG CRIMES SAKE ETC.

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.don't like something because being scared that it appears on my wall.

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Going through a lot of Deja Vu lately, it feels like you have another life before this one.

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I love the tingly feeling you get when youve shifted after realizing you arm, leg, hand, etc. has gone numb. am i the only one?

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Fart after someone else farts sop that no one will know you did too.

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When you're chatting with a friend while you're walking around and not really paying attention then you turn around to took at your friend and you realise you've been talking to someone you don't even know the entire time.

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When I'm home alone at night I check around the corners to make sure there isn't anyone there

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When walking into a smelly bathroom, hold your breath so you don't have to breathe in the poo air.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.