when i piss in the toilet, i flush half way through and race the toilet to the finish.

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Wear hoods and sweatshirts in the middle of summer

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When I see a typo ANYWHERE, I feel compelled to correct it, even if there is no possible way for me to correct it

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When I say, "What?" after understanding exactly what someone said.

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never feel sad enough after being told a sad story

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When I take a shower, I screw with my iPod for a half an hour "Waiting for the water to warm up".

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I am wearing ear buds even though I'm not actually listening to anything.

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when on long car rides look out the window imagineing stick figures running

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While talking on the phone you can't think of anything to say then it gets awkwardly quiet

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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Tear up when I poop

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wonder if there are secret cameras watching my every move...

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Having small fingers and, regardless, still unable to click on the right thing when on the internet with a touch screen phone.

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Check your analog watch, wait for it to strike a minute, then look away and try to count 60 seconds out in your head before you look again. However many seconds you were away is your new record.

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I wipe the part of the glass or water bottle i drink from

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pull out a flies wings and let it go

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I ejaculate fire and glory

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When I'm walking on pavement or tiles I always make patterns, e.g stepping on every second tile, stepping a certain amount of times on each bit of pavement

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When I'm in the shower i let the water run off my arms and fingers and pretend I'm a giant god of water sending torrents to the miniature people below.

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Before getting in the shower, staring at your naked body, thinking your sexy.

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Talk to my cat.

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I will look up the definition of a word in a text message before I use it just incase I'm using it in the wrong context.

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Sometimes when I go to a drive in restaurant, and get an order of fries, I empty the bag out, and there are a few fries in the bottom of the bag. I Enjoy those the most, as I feel they were free

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Think of the best come-backs ever, a few seconds after the time to use them would be.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.