slow down in front of automatic doors thinking they won't open and then rushing through when they do so you don't look stupid

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I forget I turned the toaster on and jump when it goes off.

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I pretend that someone can see through my eyes whenever I'm doing something cool, i guess so they think I'm cooler or something.

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when singing to music on my ipod, i sometimes pause the music to hear how loud I am singing.

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I twist my pubes into little spikes when I pee.

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When i need to poop i place toilet paper over the water so it doesn't splash up and hit my rectum.

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I refuse to imagine good things happening to me, because if I did, it won't come true and I end up being suck at everything.

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Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

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When someone is talking to me and I'm not really listening, when it gets quiet I say 'that's crazy' so they think I'm listening.

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while you put your t-shirt on, you get frightened that someone's watching you behind your shirt so you try to put it on as soon as possible.

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I delete all notifications on my phone before i shut it off.

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I like to watch people and imagine different stories that could explain why they're doing whatever it is that their doing.

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i feel relived after i prick and see that hard-white thinggy that oozes outside my annoying acne.

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I used to peep when my relatives are watching porn, back when i was a kid. After that, i feel like i wanna pee.

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When sitting or laying down, tell yourself to get up in your head but see how long your body can resist your commands, and end up yelling at yourself to move in your head while still sitting/laying down.

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wish you looked like either Kellan Lutz or Bradley Cooper! I wish magic existed now.

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Masturbate while waiting for a game to load.

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play with a knife and pretend to be a master blade wielder

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Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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I control water in the shower.

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When I fart in public, I always pretend that nothing ever happened.

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Dramatically narrate everything I do in my head as I do it.

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I DO wish I had the ability of the guy in the comment below me. Moral: Yeah I have to type moral down here, because its awesome and because whatever its awesome!

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.