I make a mental note NOT to buy the product or service if I feel they are trying to brainwash me with their ads.

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When something funny happens think of it a couple days later than laugh,everyone then looks at me weirdly.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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Count how long it takes before you stop peeing.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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After you wipe your butt and crotch with a towel, you dont want the towel to touch your face. Next night, dry your face and head first.

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this is a terrible website and i hate you

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when someone is talking about something i have no idea of and then asked me if i agree I'm like: oh yes! and then promptly changing subject so they won't find out

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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take 2 coffes in 2 seconds cause dont remember the first coffee! o.O

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Take everything out of the fridge, and climb in it, and pretend your in a time capsule.

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Look at a word and count the letters by 2's - continue counting the letters over and over by 2's until it comes out even at the end of the word.

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I stop the microwave at 1 second so that one someone else uses it it beeps

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Getting that huge shiver when you take a really good pee.

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you know how everyone talks about making life decisions in the shower and thinking about life?.....yeah thats me on the toilet

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Go through funny pictures and memes on Facebook, and then accidently miss one and ten when you click to go back you have to go through like 5 more to get back to the one you want.

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R A P E Children

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Stay up late on the weekdays and go to bed early on the weekends ..... What is wrong with me?

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i randomly grab my boobs when i'm home alone. like, all the time.

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instinctively thumb down long posts without reading them.

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Masturbate while waiting for a game to load.

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Pick giant boogers and eat them.

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When I'm on Facebook, I flip between someone's most recent profile picture and their first one, just to see how much they've changed.

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When I'm walking on a sidewalk, I try to step on each tile an even amount of times.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.