I masturbate evenly with both hands so that my penis doesn't become crooked.

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no magazine on toilet? read shampoo bottle

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Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

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When I'm alone with my pet, sometimes we just sit down and stare at each each other for a minute or two

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pretend celebrities are watching you then getting really freaked out.

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Pass wind after i ate lasagna.

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When I have a really good dream, and I wake up and realize it was a dream, I try to fall back asleep and re-visit the dream.

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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Sometimes when im in my bed and trying to fall asleep, i don´t want to open my eyes in case there is a murderer standing before my bed.

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Stand on the first floor and look up through the 2nd story railing just to look up women's skirts.

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Waking up from a dream that you thought was real life, and thinking,man i wish that was real...

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Sometimes I find myself staring at the television only to realize its off.

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When I'm scared in the shower sing

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Sometimes I think and feel that I am the most voted man on Horsehead Network, I got no idea why. Moral the friendly r*pist: I dnt know what that means though... Or do I? ;)

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Get to lazy to stand up in the shower so I sit down in the shower

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I cover my webcam on my when I fap in fear that someone/something is watching.

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Get random feelings of nausea and/or dizziness for no apparent reason.

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Realized with 7 billion people, there is a chance that someone else on earth is doing exactly the same thing as me at any given time.

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When you look in the mirror, and it ruins your whole day.

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taking your t shirt or sweatshirt off quickly so nothing gets you while its over your face

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hate Justin Bieber

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Cover the built in webcam on my laptop when I'm using it with a folded piece of paper just in case

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I think source beggars are lazy pest that should be groin kicked

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When you like your own comment or status', but then you feel kind of pathetic for doing it so you unlike it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.