I'm so used to pooping with my phone that everytime I forget it I take less than 5 minutes, versus the usual 26.

thumb_up thumb_down -108

If I'm walking across a road and a car stops to allow me to pass, I say 'Thank you' even though I know full well they cannot hear me.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

I wonder what would happen if time froze and only I could move. I think about all the things I could do.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

If I'm in the car looking for an address or a street name I'll turn down the radio. Why?

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Try to flip the dice at the casino to my number with my mind

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Trying to take the same number of steps in a block of sidewalk while you're walking.

thumb_up thumb_down +77

after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

thumb_up thumb_down -43

When I’ve got something cooking in the microwave, before actually looking to see how much time is left, I try to guess how much time is left; if I’m correct within 3 seconds on the timer, I actually feel a measure of accomplishment.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

See someone walking or in their car driving then imaging what they're doing next or imagine the rest of their life.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Sometimes when I look at a clock the seconds hand ticks backwards

thumb_up thumb_down -30

always get sports injuries, never get any attention from them

thumb_up thumb_down -1

whenever I play I spy I always use very specific things I spy for example if I would say something starting with D and it would be for dust

thumb_up thumb_down -87

Laying in bed kind of hungry, knowing exactly what you want to eat, and going over all the steps involved (going all the way to the kitchen, making the food, cleaning up, going all the way back to your room, plus it's nighttime and something might get you) and trying to decide whether or not it's worth it to go eat now or just wait until you wake up.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

I rehearse arguments in my head.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

When I hear the doorbell ringing and I'm not expecting anyone, I turn off the tv/music and try not to make any sound, so they think there's no one home.

thumb_up thumb_down -71

When you are taking a test or anywhere , you remember something funny and you laugh randomly looking like a dumbass then pretend to cough.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

wear warm clothes on hot days -jesse

thumb_up thumb_down -82

I pee in the shower.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

thumb_up thumb_down -93

Being from another country and always thinking in english.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

I put my finger in jars of jam/yoghurt/honey etc then lick the finger and repeat and hope nobody see's me.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Look at my poo before I flush it.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

When a person tells you: Oh you like Lana Del Rey? Me:No,I like the wall

thumb_up thumb_down -45

when you're walking down the streets and you listen to your iPod, you pretend you're part of the music video for that song and when no ones looking, lip sync to the lyrics, as if the camera man's filming you >.

thumb_up thumb_down -75

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.