Put a few bits of toilet paper in the toilet before having a poo so there is no splash!

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Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

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"Hey, did you see that new episode last night?" "Yeah!" "Do you remember that part when he ran through the city?" "Yeah!" LIES

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When I'm in a car and I hear a song on the radio, I always imagine myself performing it perfectly in front of a crowd even though I know I'd never be able to do that. I've done this since I was very young and still do.

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Blink and pretend that you just took a picture with your eyes.

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When looking at a digital clock that counts down to seconds, I wait until the seconds are an even number, then I try to say each number in order twice before it changes.

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Walking into the little door at the store that people put the carts though.

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Sometimes I reflect on my life and just feel humiliated.

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After going to the toilet to do a S#!* I will only sit on one cheek for the rest of the day until I bathe

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I can't help but wonder why people write things on web sites and don't bother checking their spelling. Now they look like an idiot no matter how funny or interesting it might have been.

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Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

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Skip lines to read faster then get confused by everything for the next 10 pages.

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(2) When listening to someone I maintain eye contact, but don't actually hear a word they say, just thinking about the eye contact...

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Going through a lot of Deja Vu lately, it feels like you have another life before this one.

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When I'm about to fart, I close my butthole with cupped hand to smell my own fart. Sometimes after I fart, I bend down just to smell the scent.

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When I hear a sound that I don't know what is, while I'm in an unfamiliar place, I wipe off and then touch as many surfaces as possible. It makes me think that if I'm taken by some scary person, my fingerprints will be easily found. I'm not sure why that would help in many cases, but it makes me feel better.

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Get so angry you hit a table, wall etc but hit it so hard you feel as though you've broken you fingers and this just makes you even angrier.

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Sometimes when I'm in the shower, I start kicking the bar of soap.

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1. When you're downstairs at night you go upstairs as fast as fucking possible. 2. When you switch volume in TV, the second number has to be 0 or 5.

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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I don't like being told what I will do or how I will feel.

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When listening to a song with headphones or on the radio i sing the harmonies or make them while they sing the lead

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You look over the edge of a tall building/structure, and have that sudden urge to jump off.

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Waiting alone inside a public toilet for someone to come in and open the door.... so you don't have to touch the handle!

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.