I masturbate evenly with both hands so that my penis doesn't become crooked.

no magazine on toilet? read shampoo bottle

Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

When I'm alone with my pet, sometimes we just sit down and stare at each each other for a minute or two

pretend celebrities are watching you then getting really freaked out.

Pass wind after i ate lasagna.

When I have a really good dream, and I wake up and realize it was a dream, I try to fall back asleep and re-visit the dream.

Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

Sometimes when im in my bed and trying to fall asleep, i don´t want to open my eyes in case there is a murderer standing before my bed.

Stand on the first floor and look up through the 2nd story railing just to look up women's skirts.

Waking up from a dream that you thought was real life, and thinking,man i wish that was real...

Sometimes I find myself staring at the television only to realize its off.

When I'm scared in the shower sing

Sometimes I think and feel that I am the most voted man on Horsehead Network, I got no idea why. Moral the friendly r*pist: I dnt know what that means though... Or do I? ;)

Get to lazy to stand up in the shower so I sit down in the shower

I cover my webcam on my when I fap in fear that someone/something is watching.

Get random feelings of nausea and/or dizziness for no apparent reason.

Realized with 7 billion people, there is a chance that someone else on earth is doing exactly the same thing as me at any given time.

When you look in the mirror, and it ruins your whole day.

taking your t shirt or sweatshirt off quickly so nothing gets you while its over your face

hate Justin Bieber

Cover the built in webcam on my laptop when I'm using it with a folded piece of paper just in case

I think source beggars are lazy pest that should be groin kicked

When you like your own comment or status', but then you feel kind of pathetic for doing it so you unlike it.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.