I like to go out without shoes on hot days and play the floor is lava

When a room is dark and the light is really far away, I close my eyes to feel my way to the lamp.

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

When I notice that I have just breathed in/out, for the next minute or so I feel like I have to make a conscious effort to keep breathing.

When I am making toast I spread the butter or jam with a spoon

When someone wants to kill a bug, I'll get insane and catch the bug, then run out and release the bug while saying "NOW YOU'RE FREE!!!!!"

Spend a ton of time on the way you look and the clothes you choose, then going out in public and imagining you're a celeb.

Turn on the faucet and/or fan when using the toilet at someone else's house or at my own place when there is a visitor because I don't want them to hear me peeing.

When I climb into bed every night, I always say, "Bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed," while shifting until I am comfortablely settled. -Ikka

See how fast and accurate i can use the fast forward on my dvr and applaud myself when i go full speed and stop 2 seconds before the show is back on.

I prefer to masturbate by putting a fleshlight under my stuffed-toy smurfette's dress and pretend to smurf her.

I have a cat that drops on it's side when she sees me coming

Spray my perfume under my arms so if I sweat then it smells like perfume.

Sometimes at night, I find myself imagining people I know saying my name, trying to get my attention in my head. They won't stop until I respond out loud.

I play out romantic scenarios with myself when I'm alone. We're talking full-blown just straight up talking out loud- to myself, of course. It's not that I'm lonely or anything since I did this when I had a boyfriend anyway (just to clarify, it didn't end because of this XD.) I really just feel like doing it because it's really friggin' entertaining. If you've never done it, well... it's basically like being in a really crappy, low budget soap opera, with a plot that doesn't make any damn sense, staring you as every character and the audience. That's basically the only way I could describe it lol.

Start the shower so no one hears you shit bricks

On an one night if I come too fast .je persuade the girl that I have to forget my cellular in my automobile and I get out

Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

speak proper english

taking a shit while brushing my teeth.

Get scared while I'm doing things on the computer like writing these comments, or other weird stuff because I think there might be a hacker watching my screen.

Realise logically that a chicken egg is her period. we eat chicken periods!

When the car runs over bumps in the road on the freeway, they sound like horses hooves, so I pretend my car's being pulled by invisible horses.

Sing really loudly and think you hear someone come in. yell "hello" for five minutes before singing again.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.