When I notice that I have just breathed in/out, for the next minute or so I feel like I have to make a conscious effort to keep breathing.

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When I am making toast I spread the butter or jam with a spoon

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When someone wants to kill a bug, I'll get insane and catch the bug, then run out and release the bug while saying "NOW YOU'RE FREE!!!!!"

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Spend a ton of time on the way you look and the clothes you choose, then going out in public and imagining you're a celeb.

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Turn on the faucet and/or fan when using the toilet at someone else's house or at my own place when there is a visitor because I don't want them to hear me peeing.

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When I climb into bed every night, I always say, "Bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed," while shifting until I am comfortablely settled. -Ikka

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I prefer to masturbate by putting a fleshlight under my stuffed-toy smurfette's dress and pretend to smurf her.

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Spray my perfume under my arms so if I sweat then it smells like perfume.

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On an one night if I come too fast .je persuade the girl that I have to forget my cellular in my automobile and I get out

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Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

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Realise logically that a chicken egg is her period. we eat chicken periods!

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When the car runs over bumps in the road on the freeway, they sound like horses hooves, so I pretend my car's being pulled by invisible horses.

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Sing really loudly and think you hear someone come in. yell "hello" for five minutes before singing again.

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When posting these, I'm rarely able to read the words/letters in the box that prove you're human and not some computer virus. Now I'm starting to think I'm not a human......

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Every time I walk up the stairs in my own house, I feel compelled to do it on all fours.

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Have a dream about somebody being mean to me. Proceed to be mean to them in real life.

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watch lesbian porn instead of normal because you hate have other men in the picture

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I always thought Diane Ross sang '76 why don't ya babe, get out my life why don't ya babe'.

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start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

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think that the whole world is a dollhouse and we are being controlled by giant people above who live in a whole differnt world

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When I am driving and I see another car being pulled over I think "Oh, so I am not the only one"

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Avoid as many television commercials as I can

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in my mind prisms are called pink floyd.

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Smoking a cigarette on the toilet and then accidentally ashing directly into your panties. Everytime.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.