trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

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When the T.V switches to commercial sometimes I forget what I was watching Noel

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Sometimes when someone says something to me, I will hear them perfectly clear, but I will instinctively say "what?"

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Having cool food in your house and knowing your boyfriend is going to call you around 6 or so, so you start eating said awesome food at about 5:57. That way when your boyfriend asks what you're doing to can tell him you're eating _____ and he'll want to come over.

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Thinking about what other poeple are doing right now... Like someone solving world hunger and your sitting there playing games and having fun with friends that are nice and healthy.

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I rub the ends of my hair because it feels awesome.

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Whenever you are in a quiet room and are trying to eat a food that is very loud to chew (like chips) you try to chew slowly or alter your chewing style so noone will think your too loud

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Whenever I see a girl, I always do the math for how good they would be for banging

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I'm starting to ignore Hollywood, the news and experts opinions more and more.

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Drink half the water in a water bottle and then swish it around pretending to drown little people inside it.

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When you are almost crying while laughing in a silent area, you have to think terrible thoughts just to get rid of the laughing.

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When bored in class.. I catch eyes with someone across the room and look away fast, then act "cool" for the next 10 minutes because I still think they're looking at me...

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Whenever I pull a long hair from my vagina or butt, it feels good.

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Run up all stairs two at a time, and memorize all the staircases with odd number of steps. On those, I start with one step so I can end on a two.

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When realizing i'm being a little bitchy, I laugh and smile right after my sentence to make myself seem a little nicer.

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When theres a sex scene in the movie I like to jack off to see if I would last as long as the man -deadpool (yogurt)

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Covering the movement sensors with toilet paper on public toilets incase it's a secret camera.

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Without thinking i ask questions i know the answer to

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I wonder if elections are rigged?

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Whenever I get in the shower, no matter what, I always have to pee.

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I often wonder if people ever talk about me, when I'm away.

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Sometimes when I'm sitting next to someone I start thinking stuff about him/her, making fun of their clothes in my mind or something. Then I have a feeling that maybe that person can read thoughts and immediately start thinking about something else, and avoid eye contact until one of use leaves

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Feels my beard with my tongue.

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I really hate the sound of sqeaking balloons

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.