How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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if i put my shirt on backwards, instead of taking my shirt off and putting it on right, i pull my arms in and just spin my shirt.

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I brush my teeth with the tap on because it sounds weird brushing in silence.

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Two minutes after I text the person I like, I check the message to see what time I sent it and what time the person received it, and estimate that it takes the adverage person about a minute to respond and then another minute for you to receive it. so really, if the person likes you, it would take them about 3 minutes to respond. if its five, you automatically assume they hate you.

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When sitting on the pot I whip and then I feel like I have to crap again.

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Get distracted during fap dreams and thinking of your mom and then going OMG GROSS OH GOD IM A PERV!!

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Try to move your head to line up specks on the windshield with objects outside.

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you know how everyone talks about making life decisions in the shower and thinking about life?.....yeah thats me on the toilet

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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I like to food shop between midnight and 5 am

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When walking into a smelly bathroom, hold your breath so you don't have to breathe in the poo air.

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Putting pressure on my closed eyes and seeing fireworks behind my eyelids

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write a test and the information i studied most is not on the test

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Use an entirely different vocabulary in your head than everyday life.

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Feel like you're the only one pressured into giving gum away by your friends.

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Dutch oven myself when I'm lying in bed trying to sleep

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Make little rectangles on your desktop when waiting for something to load...

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When I use the bathroom at school, I keep the door open with the kickstand and use the stall. It's because I fear that one day, when I'm all alone in the bathroom with the door closed, the fire alarm will go off and scare the living crap out of me. This trick backfires when someone comes in without closing the door and uses the urinal.

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when listening to pandora just skip through the songs and hit the like or hate buttons and not listen to the music,but then when you want to listen to the music you can't because theres no wifi

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WHEN I SHOW YOU A PICTURE ON MY PHONE..DON’T SWIPE LEFT.DON’T SWIPE RIGHT.JUST LOOK. Via: Collection of Love WhatsApp Status

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When eating skittles and share it with my friends, i gave them the flavors that i dont really like.

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Only one tissue left in the box... I'll just use toilet paper.

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When my cat follows me, I pretend we're a pack or some sort of gang and i would be the leader.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.