masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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When you're walking along at night and you see the moon, then you move around quickly,still looking at it as if you're controlling it.

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Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

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I sometimes deliberately miss buses or trains even though I could easily board them.

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When someone enters the room while i'm playing a game, start playing the best song of the game soundtrack so they notice it and think the game has a cool soundtrack.

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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Reading your facebook posts that you wrote a year ago or more, and think of how stupid you were at that time.

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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I twerk in the mirror to see how much my ass jiggles

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Something that bothers me is when a movie sequel comes out and for whatever reason the same things from the first movie happens so they just end up making the same movie

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When you're chatting with a friend while you're walking around and not really paying attention then you turn around to took at your friend and you realise you've been talking to someone you don't even know the entire time.

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When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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If I'm in the car looking for an address or a street name I'll turn down the radio. Why?

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(1) In the middle of a conversation, I start to think of all the crazy stuff I could do even though I would never want to i.e. punching them in the face, making out with them, flashing them.

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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only read the short jokes on this website

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Assume that on another planet or galaxy there are people just like humans that look exactly like me. Like an alternate universe.

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When someone close to me sadly passes on and later when I am listening to the radio if I hear a song that sounds suitable to that moment I kind of make that our song if that makes sense to any of you

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Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

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Pull your headphones away from your ear when you're listening to music to see if it's too loud.

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When I'm watching a movie I have already seen I hope for a different ending but soon realize it won't happen

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Sometimes I beat box when I am alone.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.