Say ow when I bang something I'm caring into something, even though I didn't get hurt at all. -B

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OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

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look around my house for something to do for what feels like an hour then look back at a clock to realize thats its only been 4 minutes

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I giggle in my head when anyone says duty.

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The longer it takes me to find the light switch in the dark the more frantic and terrified I become.

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wonder who wrote these things

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wonder why the word "MORTGAGE" has a T in it?

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Fake a yawn to see if other people will yawn back.

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Whenever I look in the bathroom mirror, I fear that I will see a terrible bloody monster standing behind me. I convince myself of this so completely that I panic and rush out right after I pee.

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Cover myself in Vaseline and cry in the dark for 4, maybe 5 hours with or without a wooden splintery dildo in my arse.

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Wait until there is nobody in the bathroom and then fart really really loud. Also I flip my pillow every 10 minutes so my head is on the cold side. (try it some time)

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While im showering, I place my hands in a certain position so it looks like I can shoot water out of my fingers.

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misread dig bick

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clean specks of sh*t in the toilet by peeing on it.

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Looking up your teachers on facebook just to look at their photos

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Imagine the perfect video game and wonder why nobody made it yet.

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Point your finger to the sky when your favorite song comes on in the club or the radio

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Sometimes i think i've been living a dream life, and one day im really gonna wake up in the middle of 9th grade math class and have to explain why i was sleeping on my desk and jerking off so much.

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When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

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I sometimes try to summon things with the force of my thoughts...I would be so useful...but no way, nothing ever moves.

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When an awkward situation arises, pull out my phone and aimlessly flip through the apps to pretend I'm busy doing something

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Whenever I switch sides on my bed, I feel like when I turn around some scary clown face is going to be RIGHT THERE in my face

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When I was little and I saw disney's hercules I had no idea why Meg was working for Hades

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Pour cereal. Realize there is no milk. You really want cereal so you try it with water. Realize that was a bad idea.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.