Sometimes I read a whole page of text only to realize I didn't actually read any of it. Then I read it again. Sometimes this happens more than 3 times for one page.

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When you can't use your hand to push a door, kick it and say "THIS IS SPARTA!!!"

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I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

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wonder if there are secret cameras watching my every move...

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I drive in the car then suddenly awake from a day dream and realize ive driven for the last 4 miles with no recollection of the journey.

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Wish that Mexicans would go to their OWN country and stop living tax free in OURS.

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When I'm about to fart, I close my butthole with cupped hand to smell my own fart. Sometimes after I fart, I bend down just to smell the scent.

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When the vacuum cleaner's going, I try to stay as far away from it and block the noise by shutting doors.

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1. When you're downstairs at night you go upstairs as fast as fucking possible. 2. When you switch volume in TV, the second number has to be 0 or 5.

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I want to suck on your penis

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Wonder if life is just a dream then get a creepy feeling and immediately think happier thoughts.

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Imagining yourself in the "Last Supper" scene. (in Jesus's spot matter of fact)

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popping the lenses out of 3D glasses and wearing them when your doing homework or studying because it makes you feel smarter.

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Whenever Terminator 2 is on tv, I become enthralled and can't stop watching even though I've seen it a million times.

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When I fart in public, I always pretend that nothing ever happened.

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Change my name on Siri on iPhone to something hillarius and make it say my name

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i fap in the bathroom because its the only room i have a reason to lock the door in.

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I plant my feet firmly when the subway approaches in case a random stranger tries to kill me by pushing me in front of the train.

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When I see a typo ANYWHERE, I feel compelled to correct it, even if there is no possible way for me to correct it

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Turn on Fox News and wonder if I'm watching a bad comedy routine or news reporting.

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Laying or sitting down in a really comfy position, then getting up to do something, and when you come back you can't figure out the position you just had.

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I used to peep when my relatives are watching porn, back when i was a kid. After that, i feel like i wanna pee.

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I feel no shame that I am a camgirl online and bring in about $2800 a month just to flash guys my boobs. :)

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after brushing my teeth I chew on the granules that are on my teeth

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.