I masturbate evenly with both hands so that my penis doesn't become crooked.

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thinking your pants are wet when you only just sat down for a long time

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Eat goldfish and cheez-its salt side down.

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Trying to preform oral on yourself.... And failing.

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Someone waves at me and I wave back...and then I realize they were waving at someone behind me.

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having cool friends, but all their other friends are nerds.

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I count how many steps it takes to cross a section of sidewalk, and will continue taking the same amount of steps until I realize it.

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When I hear a sound that I don't know what is, while I'm in an unfamiliar place, I wipe off and then touch as many surfaces as possible. It makes me think that if I'm taken by some scary person, my fingerprints will be easily found. I'm not sure why that would help in many cases, but it makes me feel better.

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When it's as quiet as possible in the classroom in the middle of the period and everyone is silently doing their work.... I suddenly think of something REALLY funny and spend the next half hour awkwardly grinning trying my hardest not to burst out uncontrollably.

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looking at the bottom when i meet foreigners talking among themselves... dang. no subtitles.

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When I go to the bathroom I put toilet paper over my penis and pretend its a ghost

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When you sit down to use the toilet, start, and then realize that the window is open and people can hear you.You then either search for something to mask the sound or proceed to relieve yourself by making as little noise as possible (ultimately failing)

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Think your teacher is super hot and have a hard time concentrating in class . . . for the whole year.

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Having a dream and forgetting it seconds later.

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If I have my computer and I have to do something quietly (because there are other people about) I hear music in heaphones, just so it seems to myself that I'm more discreet, as I can't hear myself.

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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Say 'WED', 'NES' and 'DAY' slowly in your head when spelling Wednesday.

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Cough, whistle or hum while on the toilet for a time, just so anyone outside the door doesn't think I'm mastrubating.

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When I'm in a car holding a handheld device (iPod, Cell Phone, etc.) I have a feeling I will randomly throw it out the open window. I would never do this, but I'm still afraid I might.

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When I'm about to get in bed, I turn my light off and then run and jump into bed so that nothing gets me.

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gh, whistle or hum while on the toilet for a long time, just so anyone outside the door doesn't think I'm mastrubating.

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turn off the alarm clock one minute before its goes off when you wake up in the morning

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I take pains to be Anti-Democrat and Anti-Republican. Because both parties are really gross money & career machines beholden to industry. I really am middle-of-the-road on lots of issues. even though I don't understand what the fuck makes an intelligent conservative tick. but I may just be biased because it's all neo-cons on the news. idk.

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Thinking about different guys and how they would be in bed, then thinking im a slut for thinking it...

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.