I never read the terms and conditions but I say I have

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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Answering questions that weren't directed at me, then awkwardly playing it off like they were talking to you.

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When you were in elementary school you thought people laughed at Uranus because it sounds kinda like urine and then wondered why it was so funny; the two only sound remotely alike.

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Only I CAN TYPE FUCKlNG FUCKlNG FUCKlNG AS MANY FUCKlNG TIMES I FUCKlNG WANT! Moral the friendly r*pist: FUCKlNG COOL!

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Whenever on a car ride, pretend you are in a military convoy and shoot at pursuing helicopters and soldiers.

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put the volume on the TV as an even number, and feeling uncomfortable if it's on an odd number

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I like to say really offensive and/and racist words when I'm on my own and no one can hear me. It just feels good to say things that I'm not allowed to.

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when you are at home doing something then all of a sudden you imagine how you would take down a killer if he came into your home right now. just me?

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When I am listening to my ipod in the car or on a bus, i always remove an earphone to check if i am breathing really loudly.

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when you are you a self flushing urinal/toilet you think it is a tiny camera and think someone is watching you so you rush to finish using the bathroom

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Open a new google tab when someone walks in the room, even if I wasn't looking at anything bad.

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when i was a kid, i lookup dirty words in the english dictionary as substitute for porn :(

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Drink a huge amount of water only for the pleasure of having your stomach filled with it.

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Whenever someone is making a speech, I imagine them being taken out by a sniper mid-speech...

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I wonder sometimes if I've ever met my future self.

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I act as though I've had movie cameras placed in my eyes and a bunch of people will watch my life as a movie at some point. And so I do a narration voice for them.

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Why are the rich so friggin unhappy?

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I like to go out without shoes on hot days and play the floor is lava

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Wally,you mean Obamney is the only choice?

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get annoyed when people talk on the phone really loudly in front of the TV, forcing you to mute your show, resulting in you missing half of what the people are saying.

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Get soo scared in the shower when your home alone that you are scared to open the curtain just incase somebody is out tthere

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I stick used soap to a new soap so I don't waste it.

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I just saw the D in Disney for the first time ever. My brain always saw a backwards G. I knew it was supposed to be a D, I just never bothered to fix it. There has been a G there my whole life.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.