when my parents are gone i shout random stuff

I sometimes wonder what my past self would do differently if it knew what would be going on now

See someone thats so hot all you can think about is seeing them naked all day.

Sometimes I walk around town and watch peoples TVs through their windows. When they see me and confront me, I try to get a conversation about the show going.

Can't seem to manage not throwing rocks into sea/river

Be talking to someone about something random, then a few days later or so... something very relevant to that happens, then you think to yourself "I'm sure I can tell the future"... I'm very confident that, that is just me...

pull the poo out of my butt when im too impatient to push it out

Turning on the TV for background noise when I'm on my computer.

That awkward moment when you thought the other person opened the door for you to go in first, when it was actually for that person.

I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

I just saw the D in Disney for the first time ever. My brain always saw a backwards G. I knew it was supposed to be a D, I just never bothered to fix it. There has been a G there my whole life.

I put my finger in jars of jam/yoghurt/honey etc then lick the finger and repeat and hope nobody see's me.

Why are the rich so friggin unhappy?

when i am in a long car ride i look out the window and imagine im in a sad music video

Rereading a text message 25 times before you send it to make sure it makes sense.

sometimes when I'm eating, I eat with the opposite side of my mouth. just to be fair to it.

Locking your pet in the room and forcing it to spend time with you.

i get an headache when i each cheese. but i don't get one when i have pizza or cheese and onion crisps

whenever there are automatic doors at a store i use "the force" to open them

While spending the night drinking with my spouse at home, i put a diaper on so i don't have to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes. I also change it for a fresh one when i go to bed.

Race the microwave. Not literally, by the way.

When i'm in a classroom I think about all of the possible ways to save everyone if something bad happens.

realize that no one is listening to me talk so I say something completely random to try and get there attention

I drive in the car then suddenly awake from a day dream and realize ive driven for the last 4 miles with no recollection of the journey.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.