Sometimes I read a whole page of text only to realize I didn't actually read any of it. Then I read it again. Sometimes this happens more than 3 times for one page.

When you can't use your hand to push a door, kick it and say "THIS IS SPARTA!!!"

I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

wonder if there are secret cameras watching my every move...

I drive in the car then suddenly awake from a day dream and realize ive driven for the last 4 miles with no recollection of the journey.

Wish that Mexicans would go to their OWN country and stop living tax free in OURS.

When I'm about to fart, I close my butthole with cupped hand to smell my own fart. Sometimes after I fart, I bend down just to smell the scent.

When the vacuum cleaner's going, I try to stay as far away from it and block the noise by shutting doors.

1. When you're downstairs at night you go upstairs as fast as fucking possible. 2. When you switch volume in TV, the second number has to be 0 or 5.

I want to suck on your penis

Wonder if life is just a dream then get a creepy feeling and immediately think happier thoughts.

Imagining yourself in the "Last Supper" scene. (in Jesus's spot matter of fact)

popping the lenses out of 3D glasses and wearing them when your doing homework or studying because it makes you feel smarter.

Whenever Terminator 2 is on tv, I become enthralled and can't stop watching even though I've seen it a million times.

When I fart in public, I always pretend that nothing ever happened.

Change my name on Siri on iPhone to something hillarius and make it say my name

i fap in the bathroom because its the only room i have a reason to lock the door in.

I plant my feet firmly when the subway approaches in case a random stranger tries to kill me by pushing me in front of the train.

When I see a typo ANYWHERE, I feel compelled to correct it, even if there is no possible way for me to correct it

Turn on Fox News and wonder if I'm watching a bad comedy routine or news reporting.

Laying or sitting down in a really comfy position, then getting up to do something, and when you come back you can't figure out the position you just had.

I used to peep when my relatives are watching porn, back when i was a kid. After that, i feel like i wanna pee.

I feel no shame that I am a camgirl online and bring in about $2800 a month just to flash guys my boobs. :)

after brushing my teeth I chew on the granules that are on my teeth

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.