After waking up from being extremely intoxicated the night before, i check my phone and ALL my accounts on the internet to make sure i didnt make an ass of myself.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Hang something small in front of the webcam, in case someone is secretly watching me.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Look at my eyes really close in the mirror and turn the lights off, wait, and then back on just watch my pupils change size. PS: Really? No way - I could've sworn I was the only weirdo who did that!

thumb_up thumb_down +789

Suck up stuff with the vacuum you know you shouldn't because your too lazy to pick it up.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Pubic hair wishes... While on the toilet you try to pull out a hair... If it comes out close your eyes and make a wish....and throw it into the toilet... Flush... Repeat!

thumb_up thumb_down +20

When you were in elementary school you thought people laughed at Uranus because it sounds kinda like urine and then wondered why it was so funny; the two only sound remotely alike.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Whe someone buys you a gift and you think they have installed a camera into it or can somehow mentally see you when that gift is near you. Resulting in you acting strange around that it or when you are present in the same room as that gift

thumb_up thumb_down -19

I kick my shoes off, sending them flying to various parts of the room. I then pick them up and place them neatly beside each other

thumb_up thumb_down -27

When I remember something embarrassing I did or even something someone else did, I will yell random words. It started just with gasping but now I have like 5 words that I'll say randomly. It's evolved to include stressful or disturbing thoughts and not just embarrassing things. I have a pretty stressful life so I'm basically continuously making random sounds then looking around terrified that someone's heard.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

that movie-like moment when you want to rush out to dance in the rain

thumb_up thumb_down -85

All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

I put big spaces in between comments

thumb_up thumb_down -47

When you are almost crying while laughing in a silent area, you have to think terrible thoughts just to get rid of the laughing.

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Wake up, unnaturally hungry, make meal fit for a king.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Put toilet paper in the toilet before i poop so the water dosent splash

thumb_up thumb_down -100

I talk to my pet when no one is home.

thumb_up thumb_down +1,590

Too lazy to exercise. Think to self "I'm gonna work out tomorrow." - instantly feel better about self. Still didn't exercise.

thumb_up thumb_down +90

I can't get out of bed in the mornings unless the alarm clock reads 0 or 5.

thumb_up thumb_down +533

I'm starting to ignore Hollywood, the news and experts opinions more and more.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

While going to sleep, you turn the pillow downside-up several times to find a cooler surface.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

"I'll start tomorrow..." wake up and it has been a year later and I still haven't done it.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

I'm ridiculously turned on by the scent nail polish.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Awkward moment... Pretend to send a text.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Wonder if certain people can read my mind... start thinking weird stuff and try to stop.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.