Whilst passing a mega dump or room clearer as my brother calls them I come up with songs...sometimes in spanish

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

thumb_up thumb_down +62

Wake up, unnaturally hungry, make meal fit for a king.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

When dunking oreos I like to hold it under the milk and watch the bubbles til they stop

thumb_up thumb_down -110

Drying yourself after the shower with a towl, wiping your ass dry and beeing scared when you dry other parts of your body you dont use the same part of the towl.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Sometimes I think that if we play with dolls, maybe we're just dolls that someone is playing with and creating lives for.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Check the toilet paper after wiping your ass

thumb_up thumb_down +427

Kill Jb without getting aressted.

thumb_up thumb_down -73

feel like im being watched turn my head sideways and see someone suddenly look away.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Two minutes after I text the person I like, I check the message to see what time I sent it and what time the person received it, and estimate that it takes the adverage person about a minute to respond and then another minute for you to receive it. so really, if the person likes you, it would take them about 3 minutes to respond. if its five, you automatically assume they hate you.

thumb_up thumb_down +68

Love the natural smell of my dog's paws.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

My login password is INCORRECT so if I forget it my computer will say "your password is incorrect"

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Hoping if I fall asleep on the couch while my family is in the room I dont have a dream about sex and wake up moaning and groaning...

thumb_up thumb_down -44

When reading something you have different voices for the characters/people.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Sometimes I lie in bed and wonder what the house would look like upside down.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Sometimes I stop typing in the middle of a sen

thumb_up thumb_down -15

While walking past someone thats wearing sunglasses you stare at them and wonder if there staring a t you aswell

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Check my underwear for any sh!t from farts (yes, sometimes my shit comes with a fart) captcha: royal flush

thumb_up thumb_down -1

when i was i kid i use to do the balloon trick where you rubit on your head then when there is enough put it on a wooden floor and while it's followin me i put my hands out and pretended that i was controlling it

thumb_up thumb_down -84

Has anyone else ever wondered why the women in shows and movies lie with the blanket covering them after apparently having sex with the other person.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Somethings thinking: O God, I love this world.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Pee in the shower

thumb_up thumb_down -9

I always paranoidly think that someone else might see what I see through my eyes he can't hear what I hear and he can't smell what I smell he can only see and if I close my eyes he falls asleep automatically I try to avoid thinking this but that's impossible

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.