when my parents are gone i shout random stuff

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I sometimes wonder what my past self would do differently if it knew what would be going on now

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See someone thats so hot all you can think about is seeing them naked all day.

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Sometimes I walk around town and watch peoples TVs through their windows. When they see me and confront me, I try to get a conversation about the show going.

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Can't seem to manage not throwing rocks into sea/river

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Be talking to someone about something random, then a few days later or so... something very relevant to that happens, then you think to yourself "I'm sure I can tell the future"... I'm very confident that, that is just me...

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pull the poo out of my butt when im too impatient to push it out

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Turning on the TV for background noise when I'm on my computer.

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That awkward moment when you thought the other person opened the door for you to go in first, when it was actually for that person.

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I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

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I just saw the D in Disney for the first time ever. My brain always saw a backwards G. I knew it was supposed to be a D, I just never bothered to fix it. There has been a G there my whole life.

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I put my finger in jars of jam/yoghurt/honey etc then lick the finger and repeat and hope nobody see's me.

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Why are the rich so friggin unhappy?

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when i am in a long car ride i look out the window and imagine im in a sad music video

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Rereading a text message 25 times before you send it to make sure it makes sense.

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sometimes when I'm eating, I eat with the opposite side of my mouth. just to be fair to it.

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Locking your pet in the room and forcing it to spend time with you.

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i get an headache when i each cheese. but i don't get one when i have pizza or cheese and onion crisps

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whenever there are automatic doors at a store i use "the force" to open them

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While spending the night drinking with my spouse at home, i put a diaper on so i don't have to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes. I also change it for a fresh one when i go to bed.

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Race the microwave. Not literally, by the way.

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When i'm in a classroom I think about all of the possible ways to save everyone if something bad happens.

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realize that no one is listening to me talk so I say something completely random to try and get there attention

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I drive in the car then suddenly awake from a day dream and realize ive driven for the last 4 miles with no recollection of the journey.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.