When Ive just intentionally committed some minor traffic offense (speeding, illegal U-turn) and suddenly worry a cop may have spotted me and act to myself in the car as if I was truly confused and have no idea what I did wrong, like moving my head around and saying, "Huh? Where's that house?"

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I hate being called "buddy".

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try not to step on cracks on the sidewalk

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make sure you hit every crack in the sidewalk evenly. slowly over time, you discover that you found an awkward walking pace to match the obsession.

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YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

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when going to get a drink, i accidently pull out a bowl, or plate, later realizing what i did, i put it back, and get a cup

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I think about fat women while poking my skinny girlfriend

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If people knew what I am really thinking about while they are talking to me... YIKES!

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Mix my coffee with the spoon upside down.

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Whenever there is a volume button on something i have to make sure its on a number 5 ie: 0,5,10,15

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Run up the stairs like a gorilla because it's easier that way.

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I have memorized most commercials and recite them when they come on the tv.

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I have one friend I always punch in the shoulder at least once when I see him.

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Stab myself on a daily basis

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you turn the dial on your microwave until it reaches as far as it can go

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When I'm on Facebook, I don't like anything in my news feed thats older then 15 minutes or else i'll feel like they think ima creeping on them.

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When a lot if people are yelling at me / disagreeing with me all at once, I start laughing.

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Play as both sides on fifa

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*Sees bug on wall while taking shower* *Splashes with shower water* *Bug slides down wall* >_

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Think you're breathing way too loud when your headphones are turned up

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Think that everything has feelings for example, a cushion or a tree

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When you sit down to a great dinner with all your favorite foods and then the nanosecond your ass touches the chair you are instantly he most tired and uninterested in food than you have ever been before

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I avoid closing my eyes in the shower in case ghosts/monsters/zombies get me.

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Walk out of movie thinking that I would be like them some day.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.